“Are you all right, gorgeous?” he asked, screwing up his face with concern.
Vanessa felt as if she had been stabbed through the heart.
“You’ve been a bit strange all day,” he continued. “Not quite yourself. Are you sickening for something?”
Here was her chance.
She gave him a weak smile. “Maybe,” she said. “I do feel a bit under the weather.”
They both looked through the bar window at the steady rain, through which harassed Londoners battled, holding umbrellas like shields.
“Twatty ap Twat doesn’t help, I suppose,” said Ben. “He’s been particularly obnoxious today. I don’t know how von Ritter doesn’t kick him into the middle of the room sometimes. What about all that argy-bargy over the tempo of the Beethoven earlier? Sheesh.”
“He likes…control,” said Vanessa, her chest suddenly so tight she could barely breathe. Flashbacks of the night before tormented her and she tried to drown them in gin, but to no avail.
She should tell him. Why couldn’t she tell him?
“Perhaps we should go,” suggested Ben. “You’re pale as a ghost. Appropriately enough, with Hallowe’en coming up.”
“Look. Do you mind…” Vanessa’s words were coming out in breathy jerks. “Not coming. I’ll go alone. Early night. Feel better later.”
“Christ, Ness, is it that bad? Darling, I’m not letting you make that Tube journey alone. You look as if you might have some kind of seizure. Come on. I’ll get us a cab.”
Plan A thwarted. She couldn’t fob him off when he was being so kind and sweet. So Ben.
She let him escort her out into the cold, rainy night and leaned on him while he flagged down a taxi.
He was blessedly quiet on the drive south of the river, and only spoke again when it was time to pay the fare.
“I’ll get you inside,” he said. “Shall I run you a bath?”
“Oh, Ben, I can look after myself.”
“But I want to look after you,” he said with a pout.
She opened the door to the flat and staggered gratefully to the sofa.
“That’s very sweet of you, darling, but I think I’ll be better on my own. Why don’t you call your friends, meet up with them? They’re always grumbling about how much time you spend here.”
Ben sat down on the sofa beside her, the corners of his mouth downturned.
“Oh dear,” he sighed. “Tonight really hasn’t gone according to the Chancellor plan.”
Vanessa couldn’t resist his disconsolate face. She reached out and stroked his cheek.
“Poor baby,” she said wearily. “I’m sorry to be such a bore.”
“You are never a bore,” he said decisively. “Never.”
He shuffled up closer to her.
“Give us your germs,” he said, puckering his lips.
Vanessa couldn’t help laughing. “What an offer,” she said. She gave him a quick peck. “Go on with you, you daft thing.”
The look that passed between them after the kiss seemed to last a very long time. Vanessa’s resolve to make him go home weakened, second by second.
“I do love you, Ness,” he said.