Should Have Known Better

“I didn’t say anything,” she said.

“I know what I said, pumpkin, but”—I tried to reach for Cheyenne, but she stepped back—“Daddy and Mommy aren’t getting back together. Not right now. Reginald, could you explain this to her?”

“But you said that if we were all happy, we could go. We could go home!”

“I know, but—” I tried, looking at Reginald.

“Baby, what your mother’s trying to say is—” Reginald started.

“You’re liars!” Cheyenne hollered so loud it seemed as if everything in the hospital stopped. “You’re both liars.” She pushed away from us and ran back down the hallway toward her room.

“Chey!” Reginald called, turning to follow her.

“Where did she go?” my mother asked.

“I’ll get her,” I said. “You all wait here.”

There was a nurse in front of the room where Cheyenne had been earlier.

“She’s in the corner,” the woman said, as I rushed around to the door.

“Thank you.” I went inside and saw Cheyenne scrunched up in the corner, her legs pushed into her chest just enough to cover her arm. Her eyes were red with tears and she stared straight ahead.

I walked over and sat beside her on the cold tile.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry this didn’t work. And I don’t think you’ll ever know or understand how sorry Mama is. But I am. There’s nothing more that I wanted for you guys than for our family to work. But . . . what Mommy wants and what Mommy knows is right are two different things right now.”

Cheyenne wiped one of her tears but said nothing.

“But you know what will never change?” I pulled at Cheyenne’s face and made her turn and face me. “That I love you. And no matter what else happens, that’s never going to change. And your father loves you, too. Even if he doesn’t live with us. He’ll always be in your life. He’ll never leave you.”

“Then why can’t he live with us?” she mumbled behind tears.

“You’re a little too young to understand that. But what happened between me and your dad had been going on for a while,” I said. “It’s no one’s fault. It’s just how it is.”

“Doesn’t he love us anymore?”

“Of course he does. Our relationship has nothing to do with you. I bet your daddy loves you more than any other woman in the world.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

Three hours and a few scoops of ice cream later, it was as if Cheyenne had never had an accident at the foot of the tree. This was really the best prescription ever. The twins were upstairs getting ready for bed and I was sitting in the living room watching television with my mother.

She hadn’t asked what happened with Reginald yet and I really didn’t want her to.

The incident with Cheyenne brought me right to where I needed to be. What happened in Augusta was going to stay there as far as I was concerned. There was no reason to fight it or talk about it. It was over. And now I could move on, knowing I tried to make it OK.

It wasn’t my job to hate Sasha or Reginald or seek vengeance. They were bringing a new life into the world and they had plenty to handle. I was thinking about what all I had to handle.

I heard feet pattering against the wooden floor upstairs, wrestling, a wince, and then a holler. Someone screamed, “No”; someone shouted, “No” back.

I just sat there and listened to the noise. I reached into a little red bowl sitting between my mother and me on the couch and retrieved a salty boiled peanut.

“You aren’t going to say nothing to them?” she asked.

I looked up at the ceiling. There was a clump and then silence.