Surviving (Surrender 2)

“What’s wrong?”

“I swore to God I would never ask because I don’t kno

w if I could stomach the answer. But I have to know, if we keep going, do I need a condom?”

My head swims in confusion as he looks at me with a broken expression. The lust from a few minutes ago has been replaced with apprehension. My heart jumps to my throat. “I thought you said you hadn’t been with anyone else.” I whisper.

He’s quiet for a minute. “Baby, I haven’t, but have you?”

He’s completely frozen waiting on me to answer. It takes my brain a while to catch on to his question. He’s asking me if I slept with Finn.

“No, Declan, you don’t need a condom. I’ve never been with anyone but you.”

The relief that washes over his face makes my stomach turn in guilt. He tries to lower himself over me again, but I feel like I’ve been hit with ice water. He notices the change in me and moves to the side and cuddles my half-dressed body to him.

“I guess I really know how to ruin a moment huh?”

I don’t answer for a few minutes but hold him tighter against my back. “Declan, I know you don’t want to talk about what happened, but I need to talk about it. Can you handle it?”

Silence is my answer until he clears his throat. “Yes, but not here. Not in bed. I’ll listen, but I can’t be in bed with you. Nothing you can tell me will change how I feel about you, but when we lay in bed I never want to think about you and Finn.”

“Fair enough, but I have a request. I’m not ready to go home yet. I need another night with you. When I get back, I have a lot facing me. We don’t have to stay at the Ritz, but can we hide for a little while longer?”

His face lights up and he gives me one of his signature smiles. “If you want to hide, we will hide. And I want to stay here another night. There’s so much we haven’t taken advantage of yet. Did you see the bathtub?” He winks and eases off the bed leaving me. “First, I’ll take a shower and then we’ll eat. What do you want to do today?”

“Honestly, I want to spend the day with you. Why don’t we hit the pool after lunch?”

He nods his head and shuts the bathroom door. I get my phone and take the coward’s way out. I text my friends I won’t be home until sometime tomorrow and call my mom’s cell to leave a message. I know she had a lunch engagement today. I’m not ready to talk to any of them until I know if Declan and I will be okay.

*****

We have lunch at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants in the city. When I lived here, my girlfriends and I would eat here at least twice a month. I recognize most of the staff and the owner waves at us from the kitchen when we walk in.

“Do you know him?” Declan asks and puts his hand on my lower back possessively.

“Relax, he’s the owner. He knew the four of us when I went to school here. This place is pretty famous among college students. The food is delicious and the margarita’s awesome.”

He nods his head at me as we slide in a booth in the back.

When the waiter brings our drinks, and we order our food, I know it’s time for me to talk.

I grab Declan’s hand across the table and squeeze. “I didn’t know for a while. It was a surprise to me.”

He looks at me with complete confusion.

“I didn’t know Finn was in love with me. I knew Finn loves me as I love him. But it wasn’t until our second or third week he told me. When I called Ella on her birthday, and you answered my heart broke again. I was so mad at myself and carried so much guilt. I knew you had been texting and calling but hearing your voice brought pain. After we had hung up, I tortured myself that night by pulling up all your performances and watching all the video footage I could find. Then I went to your webpages and looked through all the pictures and comments. I cried myself to sleep.”

“Sparkle, we really don’t have to talk about this. It hurts me now, sitting here six weeks later that you were in pain. I have no desire to dredge up something that happened because I was an idiot.”

“Declan, we do need to talk about this if we want to move forward. I have always been honest with you and I need to tell you everything. Finn is not going to disappear from my life. He’s too important to me.”

“You do realize I’m insanely jealous right?”

“Yes, that’s why you need to know. In the end, I think Finn may have saved our relationship.”

“I’m really not sure how you come up with that logic, but I’m listening.”

The waiter brings our food and leaves quickly noticing the tension.