Courage (Heroes of Big Sky 1)

I nod, but he keeps going.

“The difference here is, I didn’t have a woman and kids waiting around to hear from me. I didn’t have to worry about a family. So, it wasn’t a big deal that I didn’t check in with anyone. I could be selfish.”

“I’m not a selfish man.”

“If you were, Tash wouldn’t love you,” he says. “Doesn’t mean that your actions weren’t selfish. It’s easy to let her deal with everything when you’re gone and busy with another life. Not so easy when it’s shoved in your face how badly you screwed up by avoiding what was going on at home.”

“I didn’t consciously do that.” I blow out a breath. “Maybe it is easy to let her deal with it. I honestly thought she was handling it.”

“She’s a strong woman,” Gage agrees. “But everyone has a breaking point. I think being sick and alone a few days ago was it for her. She needed you, and you weren’t here.”

“You should have called me.”

He stares at me coldly. “No. I shouldn’t have.” He steps around me to the front door. “Oh, by the way, you can’t stay with me.”

He leaves, and I stare at the closed door and then laugh.

I’m staying right here—in my own damn home.

I walk back to the bedroom and take a deep breath. It smells like her. There’s still a framed photo of us next to the bed.

She hasn’t given up on us entirely.

She’s frustrated, and I see now that she should be.

If I couldn’t get her to answer the phone, I’d be frustrated, too.

I was afraid of this. Of all of it. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t think I should take the job in the first place. I should have listened to my gut and stayed put.

For all our sakes.

I pull out my phone and make the first call, which goes pretty much the way I thought it would.

I’m damn grateful.

And then I make the second call.

“Fire hall,” the chief says when he answers.

“It’s Waters.” I sit on the end of the bed. “I know this is going to put you in a bind, and I apologize, but I’m not coming back, sir.”

There’s a brief pause. “What happened?”

“My life fell apart while I was gone. And, frankly, as much as I love the job, I love her more.”

“Diego always tells everyone that they can’t have a family and the job,” Chief says with a sigh. “I say that’s bullshit. It’s hard, but you can find the balance. I’m disappointed to lose you because you’re fucking good at your job. But, if I were in your shoes, I’d do the same. My life doesn’t work without Lorraine.”

“Thank you for understanding.”

“I assume CFFD took you back?”

“I just got off the phone with them,” I confirm.

“Good. I’ll make some calls of my own. Good luck to you, Waters.”

“Thank you, sir.”

I hang up and get to work unpacking my bags, putting everything away. And then I make a call to the garage that fixed Tash’s car last time.

After I make it clear that I’m not happy with the work and that I’ll be letting others in town know, I’m assured that a tow truck will come to fetch the SUV and get it back in working order.

I have my mother’s famous spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove before I head back to take a shower.

I’m going to win her back.

There is no other choice.

Chapter 21

~Natasha~

“I hope he’s gone when I get back. I don’t want to see him again.” I wipe at a tear in frustration and then take a bite of my third cookie.

Fallon and I met at Drips & Sips. Aspen isn’t here because she’s in London, but it’s still my favorite place to come.

“Do you think he’ll really move out?” Fallon asks.

“He better. I told him to.” I scowl. “My name is on the lease.”

“Are you sure you want to break it off?” She reaches over and takes my hand. “You’ve loved him forever.”

“I still do,” I admit and take another bite of cookie. “More than anything. But I don’t want to be with him and do the long-distance thing. He’s not good at it.”

“Long distance is so hard,” Fallon agrees. “I think you’re either good at it or you’re not.”

“And he’s not. I just feel bad for the kids. They lost so much last year, and now Sam, too. I mean, of course, they’ll still see him, but it’s not the same. They were used to having him here, used to living as a family.”

“You all were.”

“Yeah. I was so stupid. I thought we’d figure it all out, but I guess I was living in fantasy land.”

“I think you should talk it out with him more.”

“I don’t see what there is to discuss. I’m not going through even one more day like the past month, and he pretty much lives in Spokane now.”