“I didn’t know about this until later, and even though she’s been gone almost four months, I still haven’t forgiven her for waiting so long to tell me. Initially, the doctors evaluated the cancer at stage one. And while no cancer is good, they felt they’d found it early enough to treat successfully. But to do that, they needed to go at it aggressively, which meant immediate surgery and heavy-duty chemo. They said the surgery wouldn’t harm the baby, but that there was an extremely high probability that the chemo would either kill the baby or produce severe birth defects.”
She swiveled and lay down on the sand beside him. With her gaze on the sky, she said, “Corinne had the surgery. She told me it was for a cyst. But she wouldn’t agree to undergo chemo until after the baby was fully developed, when the chemo wouldn’t harm her. But by the time Corinne reached the third trimester and started the chemo, the cancer had spread and was at stage three. That’s when I found out.” She huffed and shook her head. “Every time I think about it, I get so angry.”
“Why didn’t she tell you?”
“She said she didn’t want me to worry. Said she wanted me to live my own life and knew I’d let go of all my plans to support her in treatment. I think some of that might be true, but I think it had more to do with denial. Denial and fear I’d disagree with her plans.” She shook her head. “She should have told me. By the time I found out, all I could do was react. From that day on, all I’ve done is put out one fire after another. It wasn’t fair. She had all kinds of warning. I had none. But the trust, that’s what I’m still angry about. She should have trusted me.”
She paused, and Zach saw the pain of all she’d suffered in her drawn expression. He wanted to reach out to her. Wanted to comfort her.
“She told me later that she’d planned to contact you after she’d cleared the first trimester,” Tessa went on. “She knew it would mess with your life, and she didn’t want to do that unless she had to. But you turned out to be harder to find than she thought, and by the time she located your agent, she’d been undergoing chemo. Life as she knew it stopped. She had to stop working. She spent her days either barfing or sleeping. She contacted your agent, but he never returned her calls. After she’d had Sophia, Corinne went through another round of even more intense treatment, hoping to control the spread, but it wasn’t looking good. When she went to see your agent in person, he told her you didn’t want anything to do with a kid and offered her cash to go away. So she took it because she didn’t want her daughter growing up with a father who didn’t want her, and I swore to her that Sophia would never know what that felt like. Through various treatments, experimental and conventional, she lasted another two years, but it was two years of hell.”
Zach turned his gaze back to the sky, his gut aching. “I’m going to hell.”
To his surprise, Tessa laughed.
“I am,” he confirmed. “Nothing I do now could make up for all that.”
In a quieter voice, she said, “You didn’t cause her cancer.”
“But if I’d known, I could have supported her through it.”
“I was there.”
He turned his head to look at her again. Her profile was soft in the moonli
ght. “You’re pretty amazing.”
“I didn’t do anything she wouldn’t have done for me—except I would have told her about it. I wouldn’t have blindsided her.” She shook her head. “She was the sister I never had and my best friend all rolled into one. I miss her every day.”
And he now posed a threat to the only thing she had left—Sophia.
He rolled up on his side, rested on his elbow, and propped his head on his hand. With the other hand, he reached out and covered hers where it lay on her belly. He threaded their fingers, encouraged when she didn’t pull away. “Tell me about your job.”
She cut a look at him. “Abrupt subject change.”
“More of a segue.”
“I’m not mobile, if that’s what you’re asking. I need to be in DC, on the Hill, close to the headquarters for the special interest groups and lobbyists.”
He sighed. “Right.”
“And I don’t have a lot of time left here. I have a huge health care bill hitting Congress soon. I have to be back to tie up loose ends before it goes in, and on call to put out fires during the process.” She paused. “I can provide a really beautiful, stable, happy life for Sophia.”
“Without her father,” he said, wondering if that was such a bad thing.
“Tell me about your job,” she said.
“It’s about to change,” he said, even though he hadn’t gotten the part yet. “I’m talking to the studio to take over Ian’s role next season. It’s a huge shift in my career. Professional surfing is hard on a body. As soon as I start dropping in the competition circuit, my endorsements vanish, and I’m back to eating peanut butter and jelly three times a day.”
She laughed. “Sounds familiar.”
He released her hand and cupped her cheek, then slid his thumb across her cheekbone. Her skin was so soft. Her lips so kissable. Maybe it wouldn’t be as hard as he’d thought to stay close to her. Hardly a chore. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
“Me too,” she murmured. “I didn’t plan on any of this. I expected to come here and find an oversexed, self-absorbed beach bum who couldn’t sign the papers fast enough.”
He chuckled. “Three out of four ain’t bad.”
She smiled, and he shifted his hand to stroke her lower lip, wishing she’d take his fingers into her mouth the way she had that night. Hell, he wished she’d do everything she’d done that night.