Tessa’s lashes fluttered closed in a look of pleasure-pain he knew well. One that sparked desire deep in his gut. One that made him roll toward her, turn her head toward him, and cover her mouth with his. Her lips were soft and warm and moved under his.
Only there was something very different between them now. Something rich and warm. Something deep and real.
Tessa covered his hand on her cheek and pulled away. She sat up, saying, “We probably shouldn’t complicate an already complicated situation.”
Too late. He’d felt it. He needed her. He wanted Sophia. This was as complicated as it got. Still, he agreed with her.
“You’re probably right.” Zach pulled himself up and wrapped his arms around his knees. “So what are we going to do to uncomplicate it?”
She met his gaze directly. “Sophia’s already been through a lot. The only reason she’s done so well is because I’ve always been the stable mother figure in her life. Corinne was too sick to be the mother she wanted to be, and when she realized she wasn’t going to beat the cancer, she made sure I would be the person raising Sophia.” Tessa grew more vehement with every word. “She’s an emotional, strong-willed little girl. You can’t just take her away from everything she knows and expect her to adjust. You’re not exactly equipped to raise a daughter—emotionally, mentally, physically, financially—”
“Whoa, slow down.” He tried to keep his voice level and light, but there was no denying the thread of panic that shivered back to life. “One step at a time, baby. I’m just trying to talk about things.”
That seemed to cool a little of the panic mirrored in her eyes. “Sorry.” She lowered her gaze, exhaled heavily, and covered her face with both hands. “God, this is…” She shook her head and took a raspy, emotion-filled breath. “Why couldn’t you have just been a shitty deadbeat?”
She whispered the last, her voice shaky and tear filled. A new, equally disturbing streak of panic pierced Zach’s gut. Women? Crying? He had no idea what to do with a crying female.
He reached out and stroked a hand down her back. “Hey…”
Yeah, that’s all he had. God, he was pathetic.
A sound of distress ebbed from Tessa’s throat, and pain kicked him in the heart. “Hey,” he said again, this time moving closer and wrapping his arms around her shoulder and pulling her in. She came willingly and rested her head against his chest. “We’ll figure this out.”
“I miss her. Corinne.”
“I bet you do. Sounds like it’s been a long road.”
“I always had the legal answers, the logical answers that she needed,” Tessa said. “And she always had the personal and emotional answers I needed. She’d know what to do now.”
She felt so good just leaning on him, with the evening breeze brushing their skin, waves lapping on the shore, the soft scent of the ocean in the air. He let her sink into him and stroked her hair. “I wish I had answers for you.”
But Zach was just as lost. He’d never felt the urge to seek out a wife and produce babies. The whole idea of family wasn’t at the top of his list. Certainly not now with his career just taking a new and uncertain turn. And not after living with his own dysfunctional family growing up. Yet, this need to know and be involved with Sophia was powerful and immediate. And terrifying.
“Zach,” she said, then paused, exhaled. “I’m not saying this to make you feel bad or manipulate you, but honestly, truly, I don’t know what I’d do without Sophia. She’s my heart. She’s my life. Since she was born, she’s been at the center of everything I do.”
Zach’s heart grew heavy. “I understand.”
She lifted watery blue eyes to his face. “I just want to be clear that I couldn’t possibly love her more, and I have no intention of giving up my place in her life.”
That thread of terror zinged though him again. He had a pretty thick competitive streak as well, and that chord vibrated somewhere in the background. But this was bigger than fear or competition, so he did his best to quell it.
“I obviously can’t empathize, but I can imagine. Your love for Sophia is…I don’t even have words. But you also need to know that I’m not the kind of guy who can hand off his own child to someone else to raise. I want to get to know her. I want her to get to know me. I want to have the kind of relationship we should have had from the beginning. God…” He rested his head in his hand. “I’ve already missed so much.”
“Zach, your life, your work—”
“Tessa.” He stopped her before she started in on his lifestyle again. He realized there were big changes in the near future—like tomorrow. He didn’t need her reminding him how difficult it would be—for all of them. “This whole thing is epically problematic. I know that. I also know it will be difficult and messy and trying. But I’ve never backed down from a challenge, and I’m sure as hell not going to back away from my own child.”
All Tessa’s air whooshed from her lungs. She wrapped her arms around her legs and pressed her forehead to her knees.
“Baby, give me a chance,” he pleaded softly. “I don’t want to steal her from you. Can we just take things one step at a time?”
Tessa didn’t answer right away. In fact, she didn’t answer for a long time. And the longer it took for her to respond, the more time Zach had to envision what a huge undertaking the transition would be.
She finally lifted her head and wiped at wet cheeks. Her eyes had lost their spark, and her voice was both subdued and flat when she said, “I guess I don’t have a choice.”
11
Zach stood on the deck of the lifeguard tower at Ho’okipa Beach with binoculars, scanning the waterline. Movie extras still littered the sand. The sun was setting—finally. Normally, he could stay out here all day and night, but today, filming couldn’t end soon enough. This had been the longest-ass day of his life, and the hardest part still waited ahead.