‘I’m impressed... Why not?’
‘Why not?’ He gave an incredulous laugh. ‘I thought you of all people would be pleased.’
‘I am. I like her. This is the first time I’ve ever approved of one of your women.’
‘I already told Joarr, she isn’t my woman.’
‘But does she want to be?’ Hilda sounded concerned rather than sceptical. ‘Because you weren’t just good at getting women into bed, Danr. You could make them fall in love with you, too. Maybe not intentionally, but you did. It’s what I hated the most about your behaviour. It reminded me so much of your father when he was young. I loved him then.’
‘I wish it were the case,’ he sighed, ‘but it’s the other way round. She wants me to leave Skíð and never come back.’
‘Ah.’
‘Maybe it’s for the best and she’s better off without a man like me.’ He ran a hand over his face. ‘I already know I’m not worthy. Maybe you were right and I’m not capable of real love either.’
‘I might have said you were shallow, Danr, but I never said you weren’t capable of love. You loved your mother. I saw how much it affected you when she died. And you love your brothers, too, I’ve always known that. And your father. You wouldn’t have been so desperate for his approval if you hadn’t loved him.’
He nodded, aware of a lump in his throat. ‘Do you think he ever cared about any of us in return?’
‘Sigurd loved Sigurd, but inasmuch as he could love, he loved you. He loved all of his sons.’
‘Thank you...’ he swallowed ‘...but Sissa still might be better off without me. You said I inherited the worst of him, that I was shallow and soulless.’
‘I was angry.’
‘But you meant it.’
‘At the time, yes.’
‘I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be my father.’
To his surprise, she reached across and patted his arm. ‘Something tells me you aren’t, at least not any more. Maybe you would have been if things had stayed as they were in Maerr, but, much as it pains me to say it, you might have become a better man, after all, Danr.’
‘That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.’
‘Don’t get used to it.’ She gave him an arch look and then glanced towards the door. ‘But I wouldn’t be so sure that she wants you to leave. When she woke up, all she thought about was saving you. Most women would have been afraid for themselves, but she thought only of you. She probably just saved your life.’
‘She does that.’ He gave a half-smile. ‘It’s becoming a habit.’
‘Maybe that means she’s good for you.’ Hilda nudged him in the ribs with her elbow and he laughed.
‘If only Father could see us now. I never imagined I’d ever sit and have a conversation with you about love.’
‘Neither did I. Do you love her, Danr?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then you should tell her.’
‘I did. That’s why she told me to leave.’
‘Because you told her you loved her?’
He made a face. ‘That and because she wants her life back the way it was before. She wants to be on her own.’
‘Completely alone? Why?’
‘Her home was destroyed in a raid five years ago. She lost her family and everyone she knew. Now she doesn’t want to be around people any more. She doesn’t trust them, warriors especially. She says she’s safer on her own.’