Besieged and Betrothed

‘Because?’

‘I said I don’t know!’ She tried to put her hands over her face, but he pulled them away, grasping her wrists firmly in front of him. She looked overwrought and exhausted, more than he’d ever seen her, which was saying something, but temper was a good sign. If he could rouse that then maybe he could shake her out of her lethargy, too. She was starting to sound again like the

Juliana he’d married. He wanted to see her...

‘Tell me, Juliana.’

‘Let me go!’

‘Tell me why.’

‘Because he’s gone!’ The words seemed to burst out of her suddenly. ‘My father’s gone and I never told him what I did! I was too afraid to tell him about Stephen and now it’s too late!’

He frowned, confused by her words. ‘We agreed that it was best if you didn’t say anything. The truth would only have upset him.’

‘I know.’ She shook her head with an expression of pure anguish. ‘I know it was for the best, but don’t you see? Now I’ll never know what he would have said! I’ll never know if he would have forgiven me.’

‘He would have forgiven you.’

He drew her gently towards the bed, sitting down on the mattress beside her. He was still holding her wrists, but he wasn’t holding her any more. She wasn’t trying to get away, but he didn’t want to let go either.

‘How do you know?’ She was facing in the other direction so that her voice sounded muffled.

‘Because I knew him. He was proud of you. That was obvious every time he spoke about you. He loved you, Juliana. He would have forgiven you anything.’

She turned her head slightly, though she still didn’t look at him. ‘Did he mention me often?’

‘Every chance he could get. Too often for a soldier like me. Of course, now I’ve met you, I understand why.’

Her hand trembled slightly and he fought the urge to rub his thumb against the inside of her wrist.

‘He didn’t regret anything?’

‘Like what?’ He could barely concentrate, distracted by how silky soft her skin felt beneath his fingertips.

‘I thought he might have regretted the way he raised me. Sometimes, when we spoke of the future, he looked worried. I thought perhaps he was disappointed with me.’

‘You?’ He was genuinely taken aback. ‘Why would he have been disappointed?’

‘Because of the way I am.’

‘What’s wrong with the way you are?’

She threw him a look that was part-accusing, part-exasperated. ‘Because I’m not a lady, not a real one anyway. I’m not good at the things I ought to be good at. I can’t sew or recite poetry, remember?’

‘I doubt either of those skills would be much use in a siege.’

‘No, but sometimes I feel as if I’m neither one thing nor the other. Neither a lady nor a soldier, just someone in between.’

‘Maybe you’re both.’

Her head dropped even lower. ‘Then why did he force me to marry you? I don’t understand.’

He felt a dull ache in his chest. ‘Because he knew the war wasn’t over and he wanted you to be safe. He wanted me to protect you, Juliana. It’s what I’m good at.’ He tightened his grip on her hand. ‘Let me protect you.’

She drew in a breath. ‘Do you really think he would have forgiven me?’

‘I know that he would have. He might not have been happy about it, but he would have understood.’