Besieged and Betrothed

‘You’re not just saying that?’

He arched an eyebrow. ‘I never just say things. You ought to know that by now.’

‘True.’ Her lips curved slightly. ‘I just wish I could be sure.’

‘You can. Trust me, Juliana, you don’t have to feel guilty. Sitting in the freezing cold punishing yourself won’t do any good. You can’t punish yourself for doing what you thought was right. It was right at the time. He would have done the same thing for you.’

‘Choose me over the Empress?’ She made a sceptical sound.

‘Of course he would have. He loved you. Anyone who loved you...’

He faltered, unsure about how to finish the sentence. What was he trying to say, that anyone who loved her would make the same choice? The words cut too close to the bone for comfort. Besides, it didn’t sound like something he would say. Love wasn’t a word he ever used at all.

‘What did the Empress say?’ Her voice had a slight tremor in it. ‘About what I did?’

‘She understood.’

‘And our marriage?’

He stood up, letting go of her wrists finally. ‘What the Empress said can wait until the morning. Now lie down.’

She gave him a look as if she were about to protest and then seemed to change her mind, clambering under the bedcovers and curling up on her side.

‘Close your eyes.’

‘I know how to sleep.’

‘Then you know you have to start by closing your eyes. I’m not going anywhere until you do.’

‘You’re just going to stand there?’

‘If that’s what it takes.’

‘Until I’m asleep?’

He folded his arms.

‘But that’s ridiculous!’ She sat up again. ‘You can’t just watch me all night.’

‘Then go to sleep.’

‘Aren’t you tired, too?’

‘A little.’

She hesitated briefly and then shuffled across the bed, making space beside her. ‘Well, if you’re going to wait, you might at least do it in comfort.’

He didn’t move at first, considering all the options before him. He’d been in the saddle since daybreak that morning, hell-bent on reaching Haword by nightfall. The thought of lying down and stretching out his tired muscles was certainly tempting—though, next to his wife, perhaps a little too tempting...

‘Don’t worry.’ Her expression was faintly challenging, ‘I won’t tie you up again.’

He stiffened involuntarily. There were worse things he could think of, though now definitely wasn’t the time for imagining any of them. Now was the time to keep his mind focused on sleep. Just sleep, nothing more. Certainly not the fact that she was his wife and offering to share her bed with him.

‘Are you coming?’ She rolled away, turning her back as if whatever he decided didn’t matter to her.

Slowly he removed his cloak and gambeson, wincing at the smell of horsehair. If he were really going to share a bed with her, then he’d prefer a bath first. But he was tired—and so was she, if the dark shadows under her eyes were anything to judge by. If he achieved nothing else this winter, he intended to banish those. Before he left, he wanted to make her feel better again, to restore her to health and something, hopefully, resembling happiness. With any luck, he might even make her smile—and if he could do that, then maybe their marriage, however brief it was destined to be, might be called a success after all.

He drew in a deep breath and lay down.