“Fine,” I said. “I’ve been dealing with a bit of a nervous stomach. It’s no big deal. No fevers, no body aches, no chills, just my stomach.” The look Piper leveled reminded me yet again of Rocco, over-concerned and hovery, but all-knowing, like a mother hen-helicopter hybrid.
Piper frowned. “Kylie,” she leaned close and whispered, “have you thought that maybe you're, you know…” Piper gestured toward my stomach, “pregnant.”
The word landed on the top of my head like an atomic bomb and exploded, wiping out everything familiar, everything I thought I knew, and replacing it with the horrific, stark truth. I bit my lip and dredged up memories of the times Seb and I were intimate.
Reality hit, and it hit hard and fast, dropping a ten-ton bomb on my head and leaving behind the desolate, frigid remains of a nuclear winter.
“Oh my god.” I bent over and placed a hand on my stomach. "There was one time…" The night Seb held me against the wall and fucked me until my eyes rolled back in my head. The time I felt an emotional connection. The one that sent me into a panic and I ran.
“I think… I’m not sure. Oh, Jesus. There might have been once…” I frowned. “It’s possible… maybe we didn’t use protection.”
There was no might. No maybe. We didn't, and I couldn't believe it didn't occur to me until that moment. We were so caught up, the passion so fierce, stopping for a condom slipped both of our minds, and after… well, I can attest to the fact that when you're busy sobbing a river out of your eyes, the last thing on your mind is whether or not you used a condom during sex.
Piper gathered my shaky hands in hers and waited until the shellshock passed. “After work, together, we’ll go to the store and get a test. You shouldn't be alone, and I know you said you can't tell your brother.”
Oh my god! The room spun and I grew faint.
“Oh shit, Kylie!” Piper flung an arm around my waist and hauled me out of the bathroom. She dropped me on the couch in the employee lounge and hurried back with a cup of water. “Here, drink this.” I mechanically obeyed.
What would Rocco do when I told him? Me getting knocked up, unmarried and still in school would give him a coronary. Pull the pin and toss the grenade in his lap that Sebastien St. Clair is the father? Seb spending a month in the ICU at Grady was the best-case scenario.
A hysterical laugh burst free as I pictured Rocco's face when he found out his “sweet, innocent” little sister carried the spawn of Satan in her womb. The image of a baby with Seb's face and a tiny pair of red horns poking out from a full head of dark hair, waving a little pitchfork in his pudgy fist, popped into my head, and I laughed even harder. Tears trickled down my face and my abdominal muscles strained. Ten minutes later, the truth sank in and gradually, tears of laughter turned genuine, and hysterics morphed into hiccupping sobs.
“I can't be pregnant,” I whispered. “I just can’t.” I sniffed and rubbed my midsection.
Piper squatted next to the sofa. “And you might not be.”
A spark of hope flashed and I clung to it with both hands. Then I looked at Piper and the spark fizzled out. Even Piper didn’t believe what she was attempting to sell. That brought on a fresh round of tears.
“Oh, Kylie,” she said, “I'm so sorry.” Piper smoothed a hand over my hair as I wept. “I can't promise the perfect outcome, but everything will work out in the end.”
I was pretty sure I didn’t agree.
The sound of my heartbeat whooshing behind my ears drowned out Piper, who was calling out my name and pounding hard on the bathroom door. The moisture in my mouth evaporated. As a result, my tongue got stuck to the back of my teeth. I’m not sure if I tried to move, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t, rooted to the cold marble tiles beneath my feet. All because of the innocuous looking stick in my hands, white with a bright pink plus sign staring at me from its pee-stained window.
Time passed.
I have no idea how long I stood there, unblinking, but it must've been a while, because Piper picked the lock with a nail file. She tumbled in, file in hand, frazzled and wide-eyed.
Piper shuffled up next to me and peeked over my shoulder. I didn't look at her. I didn't have to. Seeing her pity would only shove me over the edge. It wouldn’t take much considering I was already clinging to the cliff above Crazytown by my fingertips, body dangling precariously, dangerously close to loosing my grip on sanity and going on a long, painful drop to the bottom.
“Oh, Kylie.” She gently pried the test from my hand and set it on the countertop, then guided me out of the bathroom and maneuvered me to sit on the bed. Piper joined me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I know this isn't what you wanted, but I stand by what I said. Everything will work out. It always does, even when it seems like it’s impossible for things to turn around and there's no light to show you the way.”
I took a deep breath and lifted my wobbly chin.
“You're right.” My voice shook, betraying my attempt to pretend I was fine. I plowed on, not that I had a choice. Hiding under my comforter for the next nine months would probably freak Rocco out. “I can do this.”
Piper smiled. “You can. And I'll help you anyway I can.”
I glanced away, feeling sheepish for asking. But she did offer. “Do you think, if I need you to, you might be able to be there when I tell Rocco?”
Piper giggled and gave me a light squeeze. “Of course I can.”
The road was going to be bumpy to downright rocky at times, but Piper made me believe I could get through it in one piece. That maybe the pregnancy wasn’t worst thing in the world to happen, as unexpected as it was. People had babies all the time, right? People with way fewer resources and money.
Then I remembered not only did I have to inform Rocco of his impending unclehood, I had to tell Sebastien he was going to be a father, and my blood went ice cold.
I dashed for the bathroom, dropping to my knees in front of the toilet just in time to lose the cup of tea I forced down at Piper’s insistence. I used the back of my hand to wipe my mouth, then closed my eyes and rested my forehead on the edge of the toilet as fear gripped my lungs.