The Sinner (The St. Clair Brothers 1)

I shifted to get up and leave, because I didn’t need to hear anymore, but stupid Ev—who apparently doesn’t appreciate the joy of having four working fingers and an opposable thumb—put a hand on my arm to stop me. I glared down at the offending digits curled around my wrist. At least Evvy was smart enough to remove his hand.

“No, Seb. It's not like that.” Jaw clenched, I shot him a look that could melt a goddamn diamond. Ev smirked. “Okay. Maybe it’s a little like that,” he admitted. “But that's not what I was talking about.”

I was still fuming mad, struggling not to knock Evvy on his idiot ass. While I desperately wanted to hear the satisfying crunch of my knuckles as they impacted with his face, I really wanted to hear what he had to say. Expending a great deal of willpower, I unclenched and settled back down. Evvy was undaunted. The fucker stared right at me. In that moment, Ev looked more serious than I’d seen him in the five plus years we’d known each other. The intensity of his gaze was so overwhelming my palms grew damp.

“I’m not shocked that she dumped you,” he said without prelude. “And I don't mean because you deserved it or any stupid shit like that. No matter what you did, she owed you a reason. I'm shocked because never in a million years did I think I'd live to see the day Sebastien St. Clair fell in love.”

What the fuck was Ev talking about? In love? I wasn’t in love.

I started to tell Ev exactly that, but the second I opened my mouth my throat seized up and my chest felt tight. A buzzing noise vibrated in my ears and I sat on his couch, jaw slack, unable to come up with a response.

“Hey.” A hand appeared in front of my face, fingers snapping. I blinked and sucked in a huge gulp of air. “Jesus, Seb. Don't do that, it’s fucking disturbing.”

It took a minute to catch my breath and a couple more for Evvy’s comment to sink in. Love? “I-I don't think…” I cleared my throat and started over. “I don’t think… I mean, I’m not sure I know what love feels like.”

I glanced up at Ev, fully expecting him to have a teasing smirk on his face. I wasn’t sure what was worse, the fact that he wasn’t smirking, or the fact that Ev was completely unfazed by his announcement while my insides were pulverized by a pinball that bounced around haphazardly, the metal sphere slamming into a tender organ only to ricochet and take out another. Any more hits and the “Tilt” light would come on as I hyperventilated and passed out.

Ev shrugged and finished his beer. The entire universe as I knew it just got sucked into a black hole, and Evvy was sitting there all casual and shit, like it was a regular fucking Tuesday night event.

“How does anyone know what it feels like?” he asked. “I don't know, dude. Never been in love, either. From what I’ve heard, I thi

nk you’re supposed to, you know, like feel it.”

“That makes no sense.” I squinted at Evvy. “I'm just supposed to know, but I have no way of actually knowing because I've never been in love, unless I have and didn't know it at the time, which I obviously didn't know, because I don’t fucking know what love feels like! That's what you're saying.” My head spun from the catch-22 of the motherfucking millennium.

Evvy threw back his head and laughed. “You got it, my friend. And that's why men will never figure out women. We’re too slow on the uptake when it comes to feelings and pretty much walk around with our heads jammed up our asses ninety-nine percent of the time.”

“Christ,” I grumbled. “I’m not saying I agree with you, but let's pretend I’m in love with her.” I held out a hand and used my fingers to tick off the points. “She refuses to see me, won't tell me why she won’t see me, and systematically rebuffed every single attempt I've made to get her to see me. So what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“If you figure that out, let me know, because you, my friend, will have solved the mystery that has stumped men for centuries.”

I huffed and threw my hands in the air. “What mystery is that, oh great swami?”

“Women.”

“Women.” I sighed, then looked at Ev, surprised when I smiled. “You got another beer?”

He stood and ruffled my hair. “Why don't I grab a six pack or two?”

I patted my hair down and nodded. “Sure. Why not?”

I was going to need them.

I snorted.

Love.

What. The. Fuck.

Kylie

“Oh god, oh god, oh god…” I shook out my hands, paced in a circle, and returned to stare out the window. The view from our condo wasn't great, just a bunch of random buildings and the highway, but I didn’t care. Taking in the beauty of the Atlanta skyline isn’t my thing. I prefer to people watch . I looked at the street, but my eyes were unfocused, seeing nothing.

I moved away from the window, too wired and too distracted to concentrate. It felt like my stomach lining unzipped and was in the process of turning inside out. The tightly coiled ball of nervous energy overwhelmed my ability to stand still. By the amount of pacing I’d done over the last month or so, I’d turn into Rocco if I didn’t stop.

A couple weeks ago I had my first doctor’s appointment. Piper, being the amazing and supportive friend she is, went with me at my request. I shoved a sweaty hand in the pocket of my slouchy cardigan to retrieve a crumpled ultrasound picture. I’d spent countless hours staring at the blurry black and white image, mesmerized by a single, tiny, dark circle in the middle with an arrow labeled ‘baby’ singling it out. Proof of an actual baby. My hands trembled and I shoved the picture back in my pocket.

I closed my eyes and placed a hand over my flat abdomen. There wasn’t a single external sign to indicate I had a baby growing inside me. Without the morning sickness, I probably still wouldn’t know. The entire concept blew my frazzled mind to bits.