The Other Side of the Pillow

“I’m happy for you. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Contemplating the possibilities. Treating a man with basic human kindness instead of like a wildebeest. Not drowning all your pent-up emotions in your career and using men for sex in some kind of twisted protect mode.”

“Winsome, if that is not the pot calling the kettle black. Who are you to say that about me when you refuse to commit to anyone either?”

“It’s different for me. I’m bisexual.”

“That’s some straight bullshit. You want to sit here and pretend like I don’t remember you being in love before. You were crazy about Cynthia and now you want to act like it never happened. At least I’m willing to admit to my fucked-up, toxic relationships.”

Winsome finished off the last bite of her burger. “Cynthia was a great gal and, yes, I felt like we had something that could’ve lasted a lifetime . . . but it didn’t even make it to year five. You win some, you lose some.”

I laughed. “I hate when you do that with your name. Win some and lose some. Whatever. You loved her and she loved you, and it all ended over trifling behavior that could have been avoided altogether. You like women and you deal with men to try to act like it’s not the truth.”

“I like men, too. Did you see the way that I was sucking Dominic’s dick like it was a slab of baby back ribs?”

I tossed my burger down. “I’ve lost my appetite. Even though I’ve seen a lot of people having sex, I’m not trying to see you having sex. You’re my friend, my best friend, and I could have done without all that.”

“Stop acting like I molested you or something.” Winsome ran her hands through her shoulder-length locs. “Okay, I will admit that I prefer women, but you’re wrong if you think that I’m not into men. The issue is that most lesbians avoid sisters who are bisexual because they assume we’ll cheat. But if I ever do commit to someone again, male or female, I won’t be stepping out like that.”

“I realize that. You’re not the type. We both have been disconnecting emotionally from our lovers in an effort to prevent being hurt. I’m a work in p

rogress and I had an epiphany earlier today to that effect.”

“What epiphany?”

“Tevin asked me to go away with him this weekend.”

“And?”

“And I’m considering it.”

“Since it’s Thursday night, I’m assuming you need to stop considering it and make a decision.”

“If I have sex with him, I might fuck around and fall in love with him. I’ve been doing so good at disconnecting my emotions from sex, but this is different. He’s different.”

“That’s a profound-ass statement coming from you.” She paused and stared at me. “What would be so wrong with that? You deserve love. We both deserve love, and you got one thing right. We both have to stop trying to orchestrate our own inevitable fate. Neither one of us is getting any younger. Shit, we’re practically middle-aged. AARP is right around the corner.”

We both giggled.

“If either one of us is going to have kids, we have to start making moves, exploring options, and most importantly, let our defense mechanisms down.”

“True enough.”

“It’s obvious that you’re feeling Tevin. Go away with him and let him prove how much he is feeling you. And if it leads to sex, then so be it. You’re a grown-ass woman and he’s a grown-ass man.”

“So if I give Tevin a chance, you’ll give someone a chance to actually be with you? Like actually date?”

“Why does it have to be a tit-for-tat situation? Sure, there are some people who’ve tried to actually get at me, but I’m not feeling any of them like that. However, I will start being more approachable and see what happens. Cool?”

“Cool.”

“You already have your low-hanging fruit so call him and tell him that you’re going.”

“Right now?”

“No, next week. Yes, right damn now.”