Dirty Beasts

The toad said, “Don’t you think I’m fine?

“Admire these lovely legs of mine,

“And I am sure you’ve never seen

“A toad so gloriously green!”

I said, “So far as I can see,

“You look just like Aunt Emily.”

He said, “I’ll bet Aunt Emily

“Can’t jump one half as high as me.

“Hop on my back, young friend,” he cried,

“I’ll take you for a marvellous ride.”

As I got on, I thought, oh blimey,

Oh, deary me. How wet and slimy!

“Sit further back,” he said. “That’s right.

“I’m going to jump, so hold on tight.”

He jumped! Oh, how he jumped! By gum,

I thought my final hour had come!

My wretched eardrums popped and fizzed.

My eyeballs watered. Up we whizzed.

I clung on tight. I shouted, “How

“Much further are we going now?”

Toad said, his face all wreathed in smiles,

“With every jump, it’s fifty miles!”

Quite literally, we jumped all over,

From Scotland to The Cliffs of Dover!

Above the Cliffs, we stopped for tea,

And Toad said, gazing at the sea,

“What do you say we take a chance,

“And jump from England into France?”

I said, “Oh dear, d’you think we oughta?

“I’d hate to finish in the water.”