Dirty Beasts

But toads, you’ll find, don’t give a wink

For what we little children think.

He didn’t bother to reply.

He jumped! You should have seen us fly!

We simply soared across the sea,

The marvellous Mister Toad and me.

Then down we came, and down and down,

And landed in a funny town.

We landed hard, in fact we bounced.

“We’re there! It’s France!” the Toad announced.

He said, “You must admit it’s grand

“To jump into a foreign land.

“No boats, no bicycles, no trains,

“No cars, no noisy aeroplanes.”

Just then, we heard a fearful shout,

“Oh, heavens above!” the Toad cried out.

I turned and saw a frightening sight –

On every side, to left, to right,

People were running down the road,

Running at me and Mister Toad,

And every person, man and wife

Was brandishing a carving-knife.

It didn’t take me very long

To figure there was something wrong.

And yet, how could a small boy know,

For nobody had told me so,

That Frenchmen aren’t like you or me,

They do things very differently.

They won’t say “yards”, they call them “metres”,

And they’re the most peculiar eaters: