39
TRIGENTA NOVEM
Calla
When I open my eyes, I immediately focus on Dare sitting next to me.
He’s sprawled in the recliner, his eyes closed, his hands gripping the armrests. He’s long and slender and lithe. He’s beautiful and dark and here.
He’s here.
I take a deep breath and blink to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.
He’s still there.
“Dare,” my whisper is throaty and raw. I figure he won’t hear me, but he does. His eyes fly open and meet mine.
And then he’s out of his chair and on his knees next my bed, his forehead pressed to mine.
“Cal,” he says, his lips brushing my skin. “Thank God.”
“How are you here?” I ask in confusion. “Did my dad…”
Dare nods. “You asked him to call me, and he did.”
Bless him. A surge of gratitude rushes through me. “Where is he? Is he with Finn?”
“I don’t know,” Dare answers. “I told him I would sit with you until he came back, though.”
I close my eyes and inhale him, his musky outdoorsy smell. “Don’t leave me,” I tell him. “Please. You promised once, remember?”
He nods. “I do. And I won’t. Don’t tell me to again.”
I nod. I won’t.
He strokes my hand, his fingers smooth. “What do you remember, Cal?”
“Finn made me a plate,” I tell him. “I took three bites and then realized that there were nuts. Pecans.”
Dare closes his eyes. “You’re lucky to be here,” he tells me without opening them. “Your dad said even one nut could kill you. You barely made it to the ER.”
“But I did,” I remind him. “I’m here now. Please don’t let them keep Finn. He didn’t mean to hurt me. I know he didn’t. He would never….”
But Dare sits up and rocks back on his heels. “I don’t know what they’re going to do,” he says vaguely. “It’s not up to me.”
I close my eyes, pain ripping through my chest. “Maybe you were right. Maybe I do need to leave here. Maybe I’m a crutch for him… or maybe I’m even a worry for him. He hates that I’m sad about mom. Maybe he just wanted to end my grief. If I left, he could focus on himself… not on me.”
“And you could focus on yourself,” Dare adds. I open my eyes and his face is so tired, so drawn. I reach out and touch it, my blue hospital bracelet sliding down my forearm. When did I lose weight? My arms are so skinny.
“I trust you,” I blurt suddenly. “I trust you to tell me about yourself whenever you’re ready.”
Dare flinches now. “It’s not about me being ready. It’s just… I can’t add to your burden, Cal. After this, can’t you see that?”
This. My burden. My brother trying to kill me.
Will it never end?
“I’m sorry for all of this,” I tell him quietly as I stare at his tired face. “I’m sorry that my life is crazy.”