Because all along, my dreams have been memories.
42
QUADRAGINTA DUO
“He’s gone, honey.”
I stare at the wall, my phone in my hand. I’d been waiting and waiting for Finn to call, waiting for his voice, waiting for him to be okay. Dare’s arms are wrapped around my shoulder, holding me up.
My dad stares at me, his eyes pale blue like Finn’s, and shocked.
“Calla?”
I turn my face to look at him, but looking at him makes it feel too real, so I close my eyes instead.
I can’t do this.
“Calla, they found his car. It’s in the bay. He drove off the edge… your mom was in the ravine, but Finn’s car plunged the opposite way. Down the rocks, into the water.”
No, it didn’t.
He couldn’t have.
“No,” I say clearly, staring at my father dazed. “He was wearing his medallion. He was protected.”
My father, the strongest man I know, turns away and his shoulders shake. After minutes, he turns back.
“I want to see,” I tell him emptily. “If it’s true, I need to see.”
My father is already shaking his head, his hand on my arm. “No.”
“Yes.”
I don’t wait for him to agree, I just bolt from the house, down the steps, down the paths, to the beach. I hear Dare behind me, but I don’t stop. There are fireman and police and police tape and EMTs congregated about, and one of them tries to stop me.
“Miss, no,” he says, his voice serious, his face aghast. “You can’t go over there.”
But I yank away because I see Finn.
I see his red smashed car that they’ve already pulled from the water.
I see someone laid out on the sand, someone covered by a sheet.
I walk toward that someone calmly, because even though it’s Finn’s car, it can’t be Finn. It can’t be because he’s my twin, and because I didn’t feel it happen. I would’ve known, wouldn’t I?
Dare calls to me, through thick fog, but I don’t answer.
I take a step.
Then another.
Then another.
Then I’m kneeling in the sand, next to a sheet.
My fingers shake.
My heart trembles.