I look up at Dare.
“That was real, right?”
He looks at me, confused.
“The dragonfly. Did you see it?”
He nods. “Yeah, why?”
“Because… the story.” I tell him the story that I thought Finn had told me, the one that I’d actually read in his journal. The one about the dragonflies. And Heaven. And peace.
When I’m finished, Dare’s eyes are wide.
“Do you think it was Finn?” I ask seriously.
Dare shakes his head. “I don’t know. But it was a sign. Whether it was from God or from Finn or your mom. It was a sign. I believe that, Calla.”
I’m not crazy.
I smile and close my eyes, soaking in the warmth.
It is here, in the sun and against my will, that I feel peaceful for the first time since Finn died. It’s an amazing feeling, and I’m afraid to move, out of fear that when I do, the feeling will be gone.
But when I open my eyes again, it’s still here.
I’m still warm.
I’m still alive.
And Dare is with me. He smiles down at me, holding out a hand to help me up. I get to my feet, then stare at my brother’s name again.
Good night, sweet Finn.
“I love you, Finn,” I tell him, as I lean forward and kiss the top of his stone. “I’ll see you later.”
We walk through the cemetery arches but before we climb back onto the bike, I pause, staring up at the most handsome face in the world.
“It was you,” I tell him softly. “You’re the thing that brought me back. You gave me reality. You tethered me, anchored me, loved me. I thought you were going to break me, but that’s just because I didn’t understand. You were trying to help me all along.”
He pulls me to him and kisses me softly. “I love you, Calla.”
“I know.” And I do. For the first time in months. I can see it. And I believe it.
I climb on the bike behind Dare, pressing my cheek to his back.
Beneath my hands, his heart beats, vibrant and strong and alive.
I have to live, too.
I have a reason, and that reason is warm and alive and sitting in front of me.
The sun warms my back as we ride up the mountain.
44
QUADRAGINTA QUATTUOR
I sit with my brother’s journal on my lap, curled up on his bed. This is where I feel him the most, here among his things. It brings me comfort.