I have never been to a funeral before. Dressing for one is harder than I thought it would be. The first dress I pull out seems too sexy for a funeral. Once I see it, I grab it. It’s the dress I was wearing the night I met Dominic. He had declared it was a dress more fitting for a funeral.
Except when Dominic sees me, he shakes his head. He’s leaning against the couch sipping a tumbler of scotch. “Not that. You have more than a few black dresses. That one couldn’t have cost more than a hundred dollars. You’re about to be among women who have underwear worth more than that. People seeing you in that would embarrass Johnny. Wear the Christian Siriano one and black tights. You can’t go bare-legged in the church.”
With a sigh, I go back to follow his orders. I had loved the Christian Siriano, but I was worried it was too dressy for a funeral. It takes a few minutes to find plain black tights, not the silk kind that came with a garter belt. This time when Dominic sees me, he nods. Only there is no connection, his eyes don’t meet mine. He finishes the last of his drink, then, setting the glass onto the coffee table, he walks past me and presses the button for the elevator.
“Just so you know, today you’ll be meeting Luca Toro. Turns out he is Pop’s kid from a woman who did a run on him. She never told Pop, all of us found out yesterday.”
I’m stunned as he walks out of the elevator. What in the hell? I have to speed up to catch up to him as he gets into the back of the SUV. “What?”
His phone goes off with a text. He doesn’t look up from it as he responds. “Pop found out he has a son. We met him yesterday. That’s what I was dealing with when I finished with Johnny. Also, Pop wanted to invite you to dinner last night to meet him. When I came home it was to get you. I told him you were still too torn up about Johnny.”
“Why did you do that?”
He’s still working his phone. “Because I didn’t want you there.”
The words are so blunt it’s a blow to the face. It’s a short drive to the church. The same church we were married in two days ago. How could Dominic not have warned me? The car hasn’t even stopped and the tears spill over and out.
Dominic sighs, then presses a white handkerchief into my hand. Everett opens the door. Cameras begin flashing all around me. Before I can take it all in, Dominic is at my side, his arm around me, pulling me into the shelter of his body.
It feels like the funeral is never going to end. Johnny’s mother ignores me, as does his sister. Carlo, Tony, and Francis speak, as well as a famous actor I had no idea Johnny knew. I’m not sure if I’m grateful or hurt no one even asked me if I wanted to speak.
In the end I go with grateful. I’m such an idiot, I cling to Dominic with a pathetic greed. When I see Luca beside Tony behind us my jaw drops. Holy crap, he is a Sabatini, right down to the dimples. He nods at me with a smile, then his eyes are back to the front of the church.
The graveside service is slightly quicker yet still lasts almost an hour. Then it’s back to the building. The reception is being held in the club. Something I didn’t know until Dominic tells me on our way back to the building, when I mentioned needing a nap. I’m getting a headache from all the crying.
“You need to make an appearance. Not long, a half hour at least though.”
Because he’s right, I nod even though I want to argue. I expect Dominic to abandon me the moment we’re inside. He doesn’t, he stays right beside me, his arm around me. Handing me a new clean handkerchief when he sees how soggy the first one he gave me has become. As the men talk to me about Johnny, I wish I had known the man they speak of. Had ever been allowed to know him as something more than the man I saw as a jailor, a control freak, someone who was disappointed in me.
Just when I think I’m all cried out, Sister Giulia changes my mind. “Now that Johnny is gone, I think it’s safe to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
“I wasn’t a teacher when I went to your school. I was a psychologist specializing in mute children. Your father came to me and told me about you. How the therapists at the school hadn’t helped you. He wanted to bring you back to Chicago, to me, but they were telling him it might make everything worse. At that time you had been in Italy for three years. So he paid me a sum so large I couldn’t tell him no to travel to Italy and treat you. I had no idea it would take so long. In the end I came to love it there. I had nothing here in the States but my work.”
I’m stunned. There are so many things I want to ask, to say. How could I have been so wrong? Why couldn’t he have told me this when he was here? It’s too late now. The unfairness of it all overwhelms me, and my legs give out. Dominic catches me, he picks me up and carries me away.
He doesn’t say anything. When he tries to put me on my bed I cling to him. With a sigh he lies down beside me, holding me while I cry. It’s how I fall asleep.
***
Regina
When I wake up it’s three o’clock in the morning. I’m alone and I feel like shit. Instantly, I know I’m dehydrated. I’m also starving. I turn over to find a bottle of water on the bedside table with two over-the-counter pain pills and a packet of almonds. And fuck me, I’m crying all over again. For what I had without knowing. What I lost. What I threw away.
Then Dominic is picking me up, putting me in his lap. In the back of my mind I wonder where he came from. He’s still dressed in the suit he wore to the funeral. He sighs. “You’re going to make yourself sick. Come on, drink some water.”
Taking off the cap, he pours it down my throat again and again until it’s almost gone. He opens the almonds and puts one after another in my mouth. I let him because I don’t want to fight with him. Don’t want to fight at all anymore. Once the almonds are gone he hands me the pain pills and the bottle of water. I finish the water.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter when I know I should move yet can’t bring myself to.
He shrugs as he loosens his tie. “It’s fine.” He’s quiet for a few minutes. “Did you want to talk about him?”
I shake my head. “Tell me about Luca, please.”
And he does. He’s matter of fact, even though I can tell he’s still a little in shock from it.
“Is Tony going to kill Carlo?”