“I missed you so much,” he heard her cry.
A few minutes later she led Pooh out of the trailer, and toward the barn.
“Thank you, Billy, for bringing her.”
“You’re welcome. I would’ve brought her sooner, if I’d known you wanted me to.”
“Thanks,” she said again. He grabbed Pooh’s tack and followed her.
“Is anyone else home?” he asked once they were inside the barn.
“No,” she answered. She took Pooh to the stall next to Micah, and stood inside nuzzling her horse.
“I’ll get her some water.” Billy looked around for a spigot.
She pointed. “Over there.”
He filled a bucket, but stood where he was for a minute. Renie was talking to her horse again. He’d give her some time.
When she came out of the stall looking for him, he walked toward her, but stopped when he realized she was crying. Seeing it broke his heart, but then she’d been breaking his heart for months. He thought he’d be anesthetized to it by now, but he wasn’t.
He set the bucket down and put his arms around her. She didn’t move, except when her body involuntarily shook with sobs.
He didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to do either, so he didn’t do anything except hold her. She wiped her nose on his jacket, which made him smile. When her hands came up and rested on his arms, he was afraid she’d push him away, but she didn’t. Her touch was soft at first, but then tightened. She turned her head, and rested it against his heart.
When she looked up and her eyes met his, he couldn’t move. She moved her hands higher, to his shoulders, and he pulled her body closer to his. When she reached up and her lips met his, he was sure he was either dreaming, or he’d died and gone to heaven.
He let her take the lead, so afraid that any move he made would bring this dream to an end. How often had it? He’d be in her arms, kissing her, making love to her. His heart would soar, and then he’d wake up to that familiar and excruciating realization that once again, it wasn’t real.
She reached up and fisted her hand in his hair, and Billy lost his resolve. He couldn’t hold back any longer. He kissed her with all the love and passion his body had been storing the last few months.
He tightened his grip, but she didn’t back away. He heard the cry muffled by his mouth, but he refused to stop.
He’d never been kissed like this. She was ravaging his mouth, pulling at his hair, her fingernails digging into his scalp. He lifted her, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He backed her up against the side of the barn. When she started to pull him down into the hay, he let go, but followed.
She was pulling at her jacket, trying to get it off. He didn’t know whether to help, or take his own jacket off. She let him know, taking his hands and putting them on her waist, pushing them toward the hem of her shirt. When he pushed it up and over her head, he saw she didn’t
have anything on underneath it.
“Wait,” she said, and he froze.
No, no, no. The dream was ending, and he was about to wake up. Renie grabbed her sweatshirt and pulled it back over her head. Billy watched, not knowing what to do to stop his heart from breaking all over again.
She was torn. She wanted Billy more than anything. She couldn’t think past the way her body yearned for his. But not like this, not in the barn. Think, think. What should they do?
Billy hadn’t moved. The look on his face…it was breaking her heart, even if she knew what to say to ease his pain, she wasn’t sure she could speak.
“Not here,” she managed.
He didn’t answer, but took her hand and led her out of the barn.
Billy made arrangements on his way into town for a place to stay. He knew whatever happened with Renie, he wouldn’t be in any shape to drive home. He could take her there.
“Wait,” she said again.
Oh God, please don’t say no.
“Let me get my jacket and shoes, and lock the door.”