I nod and try to smile, getting in the car and sitting back before he closes the door. The driver starts down the road, and I keep my eyes on the burial spot for as long as I can. The rain washes over the windows as we drive along, the only sound is the wipers moving back and forth across the glass.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” the driver says, his voice almost purposely deep.
I look at the back of his head, feeling like I have heard that tone before, but I am too tired to continue to care.
“Thank you,” I say in a whisper.
“May I ask what happened?”
“An animal attack,” I reply. “Not really sure what kind yet.
Looked like some kind of big cat.”
“Really?” he says in shock. “Out here? Well, I’m sorry. That’s terrible.”
“Yes,” I mumble to myself. “It is.”
The house looks gloomy from the road as we make our way up the driveway. I lean forward and touch the driver’s shoulder.
“Could you let me out here, at the barn?” I ask.
“Sure,” he replies, pulling the car up to the door.
“Thank you,” I say, opening the door and putting up my umbrella.
I close the door and nod, waiting for the car to continue off before walking into the barn and closing the door behind me. I shake off the umbrella and pull it shut, propping it against the doorframe. My hand trails along the wall until I feel the light switch beneath my fingertips. I flip the switch and look up, no more sparkling lights hanging from the rafters. I run my hands along the wood walls, walking beyond the large stacks of hay to the back where one single table still stands, all of our gifts, wrapped perfectly, right where they were when I left them.
As my hands touch the ribbons and move to a smaller package, I stop, looking down at the shiny red wrapping paper. I flip open the small card attached and pull my hand back quickly with a gasp. It is from Kyle, his gift to me.
“My dearest Clarissa,” the note reads. “This is only the beginning of our journey, and I promise to keep adding to this gift as long as I have air in my lungs. Forever yours, Kyle.”
I want to look inside, I do, but my hands won’t stop shaking. I grasp them together for a moment, breathing deeply, trying to regain my composure. Carefully I unwrap the gift and flip open the long black rectangular box. Inside is a charm bracelet with three charms hanging from the silver rope, a bear, a wolf, and a cat. With shaking hands, I pull it from the clasps and hang it over my wrist, connecting the two ends and holding it against my chest. I close my eyes, thinking about Kyle, about our last moments together. Suddenly, my nose picks up a scent, familiar, and anger begins to beat in my chest.
“What are you doing here?” I growl.
“I want to—we want to tell you how sorry we are about Kyle,”
Sebastian says, his voice hammering in my ears.
I whip around and look across the barn at him, his hair drenched, his shirt clinging to his steaming skin. I want to say something, but my lips won’t part, my hand stays tightly clamped around the bracelet on my wrist. Slowly I step forward, my black heels sinking into the thick layer of dust on the barn floor.
“Clarissa,” Sebastian says, stepping forward with his arms out.
“NO!” I yell out, and the birds flap their wings in the raptors above us. “No, you can’t say anything to me. You can’t.”
He stands still, lowering his arms to his sides, a hurt look on his face. It angers me, it disgusts me that he dares stand there and try to apologize to me for this. I’m not even sure how to handle myself, but I can’t take it any longer. I run forward, my ankles almost buckling as I come to a halt in front of him.
Without thinking, my hands fly up in the air and rain down on his chest, curling into fists, pounding over and over again. He
stands there, taking it, letting me do it, and that makes me even angrier.
“You were supposed to protect him,” my voice echoes. “It was your only job, and you failed. You left us like you left me back at the lab. You didn’t do your goddamn job.”
I take a step back, breathing heavily, my emotions spilling out.
I am lost, completely lost, even worse than when I found out about my parents. It had taken me so long to realize how much I loved Kyle, and before I could spend my life with him, he was gone. There is no reasoning with me, there is no way he can explain to me what happened.
“You’re right,” he spoke out. “I failed. I couldn’t protect Kyle, and even worse, it could have been you.”