Every atom of my body frozen.
Suspended animation triggered by the overwhelming shock and fury that hit me like a nuclear blast.
Finally, the rage cut through the disbelief.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked quietly because it was hard to speak when anger was buzzing through every inch of me.
“It’s not as bad as it sounds,” he tried to say reasonably.
As if there was anything reasonable about this stupid plan.
I lurched to my feet because touching him when I felt as if I hated him was too much. My body jerked as rage ate at me, devouring me whole.
“You are not turning yourself in.”
“Lena, if you would just listen for a moment––”
“No.”
“Just––”
“Absolutely not.”
“Elena,” he finally barked, surging to his feet himself so that we were pressed nearly chest to chest. “Our Family is under attack. I’m not going to leave them to fend for themselves.”
“What the hell was all that with Rocco and winning back Napoli then? We did that to get reinforcements to help out in New York.”
“They need their capo,” he asserted with that absolute arrogance, totalitarian dictatorship that was breed from being born the second son of a Duke and from being an Italian mafioso.
“Well, so do I,” I shouted.
His fury flickered then went out as he tried to reach for me. I stepped away, unable to bear it.
“Sono con te, lottatice mia,” he reminded me, “anche quando non lo sono.”
I am with you, my fighter, even when I am not.
“You expect me to accept the fact that my husband for all of two days wants to turn himself in to the police for bail jumping when there a thousand and one ways to avoid it?”
There was something darkening the edges of my vision, pumping my heart to fast and my breath too shallowly. It took me a moment to realize it was panic.
Fear.
I couldn’t fathom Dante teaching me to love him and live my life with him only to rip it all away from me just as soon as we found some degree of peace.
“This is the life,” he told me. “I made it clear to you over and over again. I can’t offer you anything, but chaos, but I will love you through every single day of it.”
“I can withstand anything if it is by your side, but asking this? Asking me to be okay with you spending months or even years in prison awaiting a trial that the prosecution and judge had already decided you would lose despite the fact they had no concrete evidence? You’re not just asking me for some little thing here, Dante. You’re asking me to live my life without you.”
His eyes were dark and smoking, fissures cracked through the earth going straight down to the center of the world. “It won’t come to that.”
“You can’t possibly know that!” I cried, hands flying like birds under attack from some greater predator. “How can you even stand there and say that to me?”
My entire body felt like it was about to come apart at the seams. Wildly, that bitter voice I hadn’t heard for weeks reminded me that this was why I’d closed down my heart. This was why I’d resolved to feel nothing because it hurt so fucking much when the good emotions corroded and went bad.
“Because I know you, my fighter,” he said, stepping closer, grabbing my arms even though I struggled against his grip. “I know my donna will hold down the fort for me while I’m away. I know you will fight every single moment to get me out of that place. I know that I’m one of the most powerful men in New York City and maybe US Attorney Dennis stronzo O’Malley and Judge Merda Hartford have it out for me, but I have my own friends in high places and I’m not afraid to call on them for help.”
“If you’re entire reason for going home is to help the Family, how do you suppose you can do that from jail?” I argued.
“I won’t be there for long,” he assured me, so calm, so collected while I was on fucking fire.
I didn’t like the role reversal.
“If you have friends that can get you out of this, why go in the first place?” I challenged. “It’s possible to pay a fine for bail jumping. It would be hefty but it’s not like you can’t afford it. If they can get you out of jail then they should be able to stop you from going in the first place.”
His mouth hardened, a flat, intractable line. “I have to go in, but I’ll get out.”
“Don’t you lie to me, Edward Dante!”
“Hush, cuore mia, I am not lying. Do you think I want to be parted from you for even a moment? That my chest isn’t aching because I’ve already carved out to my heart to give to you for safe keeping while I’m away?”