Of Love & Regret (Madison & Logan 1)

I was showered and dressed by the time Adam showed up to my apartment. I gave him a quick kiss as I let him in. Despite his less appealing traits, I still found him handsome in a hipster sort of way. He was lean with longish, dark brown hair that constantly got in the way of his smoldering brown eyes. We had met at a mutual friend’s party, and the first word that had come to mind when I saw him was intense. He was a writer as well, but although he spoke a lot about the book he was working on, I had never seen his manuscript. He claimed that he didn’t want anyone to see it until it was finished.

“You look beautiful,” he said, giving me an appreciative glance.

I immediately felt bad for my negative thoughts about him, because there was still a lot of good about him. He was always complimentary about my appearance, whether I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt or dressed to the nines. I could call him upset at two o’clock in the morning and he would rush over immediately to console me. He sometimes left me little notes around my apartment telling me how much he cared about me and how amazing I was. He made me feel good about myself, and that counted for a lot.

“You look pretty cute yourself,” I said, taking in his jeans and black shirt. I led him to the living room couch, snuggling into him as he put his arm around my shoulders. “What did you do today?”

“I got some writing done and then I went over to Sam’s for a little bit.” Sam was one of his close friends that Adam often mentioned but whom I had never met. “What about you?”

“I finally finished my article and sent it to Jameson with barely a minute to spare. I’ve been having trouble with it all week, and it’s a relief that it’s finally done.”

“I’m sure it’s brilliant,” Adam said as he bent his head to give me a kiss. I tilted my head back and felt the familiar warmth as his lips caressed mine. My doubts about him dissipated as he deepened the kiss. This felt comfortable and right, and I told myself I would try harder in our relationship. Maybe pushing him away was part of the problem. I needed to recommit myself to Adam and not let nagging doubts get in the way of something good.

We kissed for a few moments, but I was distracted by a gnawing hunger in my stomach since I had eaten an early lunch. I broke our embrace with an apologetic smile. “Can we postpone our make-out session until after dinner?” I joked. “I’m starving.”

“No problem,” he said easily as he got up and took my hand, pulling me to my feet. “Let’s go eat.”

Cornucopia was only a few blocks from my apartment, so we walked. I was grateful that it had stopped raining, though there was still a chill in the air.

The restaurant was bustling, but we were fortunate to get a table right away. After the waitress took our order, I leaned back in my seat and sighed contentedly. It was warm inside the cozy restaurant, and there was a comfort and ease in being with Adam. He reached across the table and took my hand, lightly grazing my thumb with his.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“Just that I’m happy to be here with you,” I answered with a smile. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

“Sorry about that. I’ve been so immersed in my manuscript these past couple of weeks that I’ve barely been able to remember to eat, let alone function like a good boyfriend.”

“It’s okay.” I could hardly tell him that it had been a relief to have some time apart. I didn’t understand how it was possible to be so conflicted. In one moment, I was happy and content to be in Adam’s company. In the next moment, the last thing I wanted to do was hang out with him. “How’s the writing going?”

“Good, although I’ve hit a bit of a writer’s block. I can’t get seem to get my thoughts in order.”

“So, when I do get to see your great masterpiece?” I teased. “You’re so secretive about it. I don’t even know what it’s about.”

Adam frowned, not seeming to find humor in my comment. “Madison, you know I don’t want anyone to see it until I’m done. I thought you respected that.”

My smiled disappeared, and I found myself suppressing my annoyance. “I was just kidding. I know you don’t want anyone to see it until you’re finished. I can’t help being a little curious, though.”

I would never voice it out loud, but I had to admit that a part of me was doubtful about how seriously Adam was working on his book. He had been working on it when I first met him, and three years later, he was still working on it. I didn’t begrudge him his privacy, and I could certainly understand not wanting to share an unfinished work, but it irked me that he wouldn’t even tell me what it was about.

Adam gave me an ingratiating smile. “I’m sorry. I know you just want to know more about my book. I promise you’ll be the first person I show it to when I’m done.”

I returned the smile, feeling a little guilty that I had pushed him about it. I should be more understanding and respect his creative process instead of wanting to satisfy my own curiosity.

I changed the subject, not wanting to bicker. “Are you busy this weekend? I thought we could do something fun tomorrow and get out of our rut. All we ever seem to do is hang out at my apartment or come here to eat. Maybe we can go to the aquarium or to the zoo.”

“Sorry,” Adam said with an apologetic look. “I told Sam I would hang out with him tomorrow, and I need to work on my manuscript for the rest of the weekend.”

“When am I going to meet this elusive Sam?” I asked, not wanting to examine why I wasn’t more disappointed that I wouldn’t be seeing Adam this weekend. The thought that had immediately popped into my head was that I could now spend time with Logan without feeling guilty for neglecting my boyfriend. “You spend so much time with him, yet I’ve never even met him.”

Adam shrugged noncommittally. “I’m sure you’ll get to meet him one of these days. I guess we’ve all just been too busy.”

I wanted to contradict him, but I bit my tongue. My schedule was usually pretty open since I worked from home, and considering Adam set his own schedule, I doubted that him being busy was what kept me from meeting Sam. I knew a scant few details about him. Apparently, he was also a writer, and Adam had met him at a writing workshop. It had never bothered me before that I had never met him, but lately Adam had been mentioning him more and more. I had met a few of Adam’s other friends these past three years, but whenever we spent time together, it was usually just the two of us. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something Adam was trying to hide.

I dismissed the thought, because even though it irked me sometimes, if I was being honest with myself, I didn’t really care that much. There was probably something wrong with that, but I pushed the concern aside.

The rest of dinner went by without incident, and we went back to my apartment afterwar

ds. Adam pulled me onto the couch next to him and put his arm around me as I leaned against his shoulder.