Of Loss & Betrayal (Madison & Logan 2)

The weekend flew by, and Monday was upon us before I knew it. We made the long drive to Michigan, and I was relieved when we finally made it to the amusement park. It was a perfect day, with blue skies and a warm breeze. Logan and I walked around the park, holding hands and just enjoying the day. We rode on almost every ride and ate way too much junk food. I saved one ride for last. The one Cassie and I had ridden on, both in reality and in my dreams.

Logan and I got into a rollercoaster car and I squeezed his hand. “Are you okay?” he asked me, looking concerned.

I nodded my head. “Yes, I just feel…I don’t know how to describe it. I feel so sad and so happy at the same time.” I took a deep breath. “I just feel so close to Cassie here. I miss her so much.”

“From everything you’ve told me, she sounds like an amazing person.”

I was used to Logan not remembering Cassie by now, but it made me realize that I was alone in my grief for her. I was lucky that the guilt no longer weighed me down. Cassie was indeed an amazing person, because her presence in my dream had been the catalyst for allowing me to forgive myself.

The ride started and my stomach clenched. It was as if I was reliving the past. When we went down the first hill, I screamed my heart out, and suddenly Cassie was with me. We were flying through the air, the wind whipping our hair around our faces as we laughed, feeling free and alive. I knew she wasn’t actually sitting next to me, but in my heart, I knew she was with me.

The ride ended all too soon. “Do you want to ride it again?” Logan asked, seeing the disappointment on my face when the ride came to a stop.

I shook my head. “No, once is enough.” I gave him a small smile. “There’s always next year.”

We made the long drive home afterwards, and I debated whether I should call Mr. Brooks. It had been about a month since we had last spoken, when he had updated me on Mrs. Brooks’ breakthrough. In the end, I decided to call him. I knew the only reason I was hesitating was because I was afraid the topic of my wedding would come up, and I didn’t know what to say to him about it. I waited to get back to Logan’s place before making the call.

My stomach was in knots while I listened to his phone ring. I half-expected it to go to voicemail, but then he picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mr. Brooks, it’s Madison. How are you?”

I wanted to kick myself after I asked that question. How would anyone be on the birthday of a daughter they had lost? To his credit, Mr. Brooks didn’t seem put off by the question.

“I’m doing okay. I’m actually at the hospital with Judith now.”

“I just wanted to call, since it’s Cassie’s birthday,” I explained. “How is Mrs. Brooks handling it?

“She’s doing well. Do you want to talk to her?”

I swallowed hard. He had never suggested that before. “Does she want to talk to me?”

“Yes, I think she’ll be happy to hear your voice. She’s just been improving more and more since the last time I spoke to you.”

I was apprehensive about talking to her, because I was afraid that I would say the wrong thing. But I told myself I needed to be strong. Cassie would want me to be there for her parents. “Yes, I would love to talk to her.”

I heard Mr. Brooks talk to his wife, but I didn’t know what he was saying because it was muffled. It was a few moments before she got on the phone.

“Hello, Madison?”

“Hi, Mrs. Brooks. It’s so good to get a chance to talk to you.”

“You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear from you. It’s been so long.”

Mrs. Brooks sounded clear-headed and strong. Hope bloomed in my chest.

“I know. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to visit.”

“It’s okay, dear,” Mrs. Brooks said reassuringly. She hesitated before continuing. “I just wanted to apologize for everything I put you through. It must have been frightening for you.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” I said, tears rolling down my face. “You’ve been there for me when I needed you the most. You’ve been through so much pain. I’m sorry that I haven’t been there for you.”

Mrs. Brooks sighed. “There’s only so much you can do when someone refuses to face the truth. I miss Cassie so much, but I know she would be unhappy with the way I’ve been denying her death.” Her tone lightened. “Charles and I have been reminiscing all day about Cassie since it’s her birthday. There are so many happy memories of her. I want to focus on that.”

“I’m so happy to hear you’re doing so well. I can’t begin to imagine how these past few years have been for you.”

“On the bright side, I’m so looking forward to coming to your wedding,” Mrs. Brooks said.