Yes, she was still angry about that. She could use it.
Dax paled. “That is blatantly untrue. Something in Zack died when Joy did. We all loved her. We all still grieve for her. Don’t pretend we didn’t care about her.”
“It doesn’t matter.” It really wouldn’t. No one would care what she thought after Dax believed the worst of her. “Whatever. The thing is, you can’t expect that I would stay with you long-term. I explained this to you years ago. I’m not going to be tied to someone with the paparazzi following him around for the rest of our lives. I don’t want that lifestyle.”
Again, a little bit of truth. That possibility had always scared her.
“I’m more than a damn lifestyle, Holland. I’m a man. I thought you realized that.”
Now she had him. She’d hit him where it hurt and it was working. “Lately, I’ve been thinking that the apple never falls far from the tree. You’re the son of a pedophile. I tried . . . but I can’t get past that.” She shrugged like it didn’t matter, as if her whole world wasn’t crumbling with every word. “Since I don’t think I can build a future with that sort of man, I decided to get something out of it and make you my paycheck.” She gave him a slightly apologetic glance. “I hope you understand. I just don’t think I can love you.”
His face flooded with red. “What did you say to me?”
“You heard me.” She couldn’t say it again. It had hurt too much the first time. “I sold those pictures because the public needs to know the truth about your father. These stupid conspiracy theories need to be put to bed. Your father did everything he was accused of. That includes his suicide.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“I explained, Dax. Look, it’s been fun and I like you, but I can’t damage my career so you can pursue some stupid fantasy that your daddy wasn’t a criminal. I would love to spend more time with you in bed. You’re spectacular, but I don’t think you can be more than that to me. Besides, if I go public as your girlfriend, no one will take me seriously as an investigator anymore. I’ll be just another dumb bimbo, one who quite frankly couldn’t do her job properly.”
“Meaning?” he bit out.
“I investigated. I found the truth. Let it go. This case is closed and it won’t be opened again. Period.”
That was as baldly as she could put it. She wasn’t going to risk Dax’s life so he could vindicate his father, because according to those photos, the admiral had been guilty as sin.
“So you didn’t want to go public as my girlfriend? Oh, sweetheart, you don’t give me enough credit. I’m so much stupider than that.” A nasty grin twisted his lips up. He reached into his pocket and came back with a glittery engagement ring. Her heart nearly stopped. “I wanted to be your husband. I meant to propose with my grandmother’s ring, but obviously that’s never going to happen. I thought I could convince you to come away with me tonight. I was going to get out of the Navy in six months and take a job with Zack so we could be together all the time. I wanted to have children with you, to raise a family and have a life with you. What a fucking fool I was.”
He’d planned to propose? The news battered her chest until it felt as if she’d implode. She would have said yes in a heartbeat. Now that he’d revealed the future he sought with her, so full of infinite possibilities, she knew what she hadn’t before. She would have married him and never looked back. She’d always been afraid of her deep, abiding feelings for Dax, but her fear was nothing in the face of his love.
Unfortunately, her sacrifice had to take precedence and none of that beautiful future would ever come to pass. She couldn’t love him if he was dead, and Holland found she was willing to do anything to ensure he was breathing tomorrow.
Once Dax had left her behind, she would very quietly try to figure out who these fuckers were and find a way to take them down if it was the last thing she did. And she would do it alone so she didn’t risk any life but her own. But she would have her revenge on the men who had cost her the love of her life and their future together.
Now that she knew they were watching, she would be more careful and hey, the way she felt right then, if they came after her, it wouldn’t fucking matter. In that moment, she really didn’t care.
She sighed long and hard, as though the conversation bored her, trying to sound as if she wasn’t dying inside. “Like I said, Dax. The sex was great but I don’t see sharing more with you.”
“You said you love me.”
She shrugged. “I love what you do to me. I love how you make me feel in bed. It doesn’t go any further than that. A long time ago, I told you I knew the kiss would be amazing and I would still walk away. This time I’m walking away with a whole lot of money.”
“How much would you have gotten if the publishing deal had gone through?”
“Enough to set me up for life comfortably. Enough to ensure I don’t have to marry someone like you for money.”
It was a calculated play. If he thought about it for two seconds, he would see the obvious flaws in her logic. She wouldn’t marry him but she would betray him for money? Marrying him would bring her so much more money and position, but she was counting on the fact that he wouldn’t see past her betrayal and the emotion of the moment. After all, it had happened to him before. It had happened to all of his friends before. They were American royalty. They’d been betrayed for money and fame, and wanted for everything but the men they were.
Brave. Loyal. Wild and true. Most women couldn’t see past the facades to their hearts.
Why do I love Zack? I don’t know. It’s funny, but once I saw him with his friends, I knew he was the kind of man I could build a life with. He’s real. They all are. Look past the glamour. Look to their hearts. You’ll find what I did, Holland. You’ll find a family.
She missed Joy. The loss of her friend still made Holland actually ache. If Joy had been here, she would have called the woman, asked for advice, listened. Joy had been the sister she’d never had.
And she’d been a member of a family Holland never would be part of, because she’d made her choice. Dax would live. One day in the future she would look at the paper or the web and see that he was marrying someone he loved and she would be happy for him. She would know that ripping her own heart out had been worth all the terrible pain.
Dax stood so still she wasn’t certain he would move again. “I don’t believe you.”
He had to believe her. Everything—including his life—depended on it. “Then you’re a fool. I don’t love you. I won’t ever marry you. Go away, Dax. I’m over it. Do you understand?”
Her whole body trembled. She felt weak. Tears pressed against her eyes, stinging. She blinked them away and forced herself to stand strong.
“Yeah, I think I do. And you know what? I won’t ever forgive you. Not for a second. You’re not the woman who’s had to be strong for others and hid her heart to protect herself. I’d convinced myself that you needed love and coaxing. But you’re just a cold bitch, aren’t you?”
She wanted to throw herself at Dax, vow that her heart was his. She was so in love with him. “No, I’m a smart bitch.”
“Well, at least we agree that you’re a bitch.” He shoved the ring back in his pocket and strode toward the door, fury sharpening his every move. She could practically feel his volcanic rage. “Don’t call me again. Don’t call my sister or my mother. I’ll make sure they know exactly what you are.”
He slammed the door and her world felt like it had disintegrated under her feet. She felt as if her life was over.
She crashed to her knees and lowered her face to her hands. The tears fell like rain.
* * *
Dax scrubbed a hand down his face. He’d been wrong. So fucking wrong. Wrong about everything.
“Another?” The bartender frowned like that wasn’t the best idea in the world.
The bartender hadn’t gotten his soul ripped from his body and pissed on by the woman he loved. “Yes. Make i
t a double.”
The bartender took a deep breath and then poured the bourbon. His friends preferred Scotch, but Dax liked the nasty shit. He liked the burn. It shouldn’t be easy and smooth. Liquor should hurt.
What was he doing? What had he been doing? He’d kicked up a hornet’s nest and it had bitten him. He felt an actual ache in his bones.
He took a long drink and ignored his trilling cell phone. It would be his sister or one of his friends calling to make sure he was all right.
He wasn’t fucking all right. He would never be all right again.
As he’d been sitting here he’d had to ask himself the question he’d been avoiding for a long time. He’d been so sure that he could find justice for his dad. At first he’d intended to clear his father’s name. Now, according to Roman—and his own mother—his father really had been involved with other women. There were pictures of him hurting a girl. And because he’d gone to Holland, they’d almost gotten out and ruined Gus’s career and his mother’s life all over again.
Had he known his father at all? He sure as hell hadn’t known Holland.
What would his father want? If he’d been half a man he would want his family safe. He would want them to heal and go on living, even if it meant he never got justice.
Maybe it was time for Dax to start thinking about moving on, too. He would cancel his appointments at the prison. He would walk away and maybe this wouldn’t touch his family again. Maybe.
He glanced down at his watch. Mad’s plane was picking him up in an hour. Not that he had any reason to go to Vegas now.
Or should he? Maybe he should head to Vegas and fuck as many pretty girls as he could handle before he reported back to base and his ship.
He would be out to sea for six months. It might be enough time to forget how she smelled, how her arms had felt around him.
“Hey, you.” A feminine voice pulled him from his reverie. Courtney. She was wearing a short skirt and a too-tight blouse, her raven hair flowing around her shoulders. She was about as far from Holland Kirk as a woman could get in every way. Courtney didn’t give a real shit about her career. It was a way station between college and getting married. She certainly wasn’t calculating enough to set him up for a payday.
Courtney liked him. She’d made no qualms about it. The moment he’d met her he’d known he could have her if he wanted. She was sweet and had always looked at him like he was ten feet tall. And she was Holland’s best friend.
He looked over at her as she eased onto the barstool next to him. Yeah, maybe she was exactly what he needed.
“Hi.” He poured the rest of the whiskey down his throat. Nothing mattered now, and a really bad idea took root in his brain. Well, his dick really. “Hey, how do you feel about Vegas, baby?”
When her eyes went wide, he knew he had her.
PART TWO
NOW
TEN
Holland watched the video in utter dismay. How could one computer bring such terrible memories? It unfolded a bit like a horror movie. It started out with a lovely day and ended in someone’s heart getting ripped out of his body.
In the footage, the sun was shining on the Quarter. The camera was perfectly placed to capture every single moment. Then the flash mob took shape and started dancing as one. A man on a mission emerged at the front. He was a stunningly gorgeous male, could have made a fortune with those piercing blue eyes and sharp cheekbones.
All of his friends—and they were numerous—danced along to a song about love and commitment and he strode up with a black velvet box in his hand. He wore a tux and was so beautiful it hurt to look at him. Then he dropped to one knee.
It was every woman’s dream proposal, but the woman in the video stepped back and shook her head, the denial on her face making it clear that she wanted to be doing anything but listening to him ask for her hand in marriage.
Unfortunately, that woman was Holland Kirk and the title of the viral video was “Nasty Woman Turns Down Amazing Man.” And it had traveled the globe in less than two weeks.
Yep. She was the nasty woman and she’d turned down the most amazing man because he hadn’t been Dax Spencer. Captain Awesome.
She hit the pause button on the video and cursed under her breath. More like Captain Asshole.
How long had it taken him to get over her? Maybe fifteen minutes. It couldn’t have been much more since he’d been married to her so-called best friend the day after he’d walked away from her.
Holland took a deep breath and tried to relax the fists she’d clenched at her sides. She had to forget Dax Spencer. He didn’t mean anything to her anymore. Since she’d severed their relationship, he’d moved up in rank again and gotten a bigger boat with more staff and responsibility. At least he was alive and she’d made that happen. Not that he’d thank her.
Asshole. Apparently, his “love” had meant next to nothing. She’d sacrificed her future and her heart for him, and he’d married her best friend at the time not twenty-fours later just to stab her in the back.
Three years later, her thoughts still circled right back to Dax. She should be focused on what the hell to do about this video and the man whose feelings she’d hurt. But no.
It had taken Holland a good year, but she’d finally started dating again. When Detective Chad Michaels had asked her out at her uncle’s yearly crawfish boil, she’d agreed since she’d had nothing better to do. She’d kind of fallen into the relationship because it had been easy. They’d been friends, and he was nice. Then one night she’d been so desperate to wipe Dax from her mind that she’d found herself in bed with Chad. She’d cried afterward but marched forward because she needed to move on. Fourteen months later, she’d had to deal with the consequences.
“You’re watching that thing again?” Her new partner’s hazel eyes went wide. Gemma White was a tall woman with icy blond hair and a ready smile who could kick more ass than Holland had ever dreamed of. Gemma was the real shit—a former Naval officer who had spent a little time with the FBI before coming home. “You come off like a total bitch, you know.”
She was also opinionated and so honest it hurt sometimes.
Holland felt that way when she saw the video. “Thanks for pointing that out.”
Gemma shrugged. “I do what I can.” She leaned over and pressed the button that started the whole thing over again. “This is my favorite part. Look at that. Everyone looks all shiny and happy. Oh, there. He brought his grandma out of the nursing home for the occasion.”
Holland felt her whole body flush. “Yes. And then she had to go to the ER because she complained of heart palpitations.”
Holland wasn’t entirely sure the woman hadn’t done it so she could sue.
“I have a screenshot of that moment when you say no.” Gemma’s lips curved up as the camera centered on Chad’s handsome face and a light seemed to die in his eyes. “Yeah, right there. I made it my screen saver.”
Mortification rolled over her. “You have to take that down.”
“No can do, partner. I want it to serve as a sign for you. I was right. He’s a dick. Yo, Johnson. What did you think of Kirk’s old boyfriend?”
A younger agent popped up, a smile on his face. He was dressed casually, having just come from a nasty crime scene. “He was amazing. He was only around for a few weeks, but he’s a damn legend around here. He sent us all barbecue one day. I guess that’s why they call him Captain Awesome.”
Gemma shook her head. “No. The more recent old one.”
Johnson’s face fell and the kid practically snarled. “He’s a total dick. You were right to dump his ass. Me and some of the guys have a drinking game based on that video. We take a shot every time the douche bag checks himself in a mirror. I got trashed on Tuesday. Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have done that right before I had to process a multiple homicide.” He shrugged. “Live and learn.”
All around her she could hear her colleagues agreeing that Chad Michaels was an a
sswipe of the highest order.
“There was a reason he didn’t invite any of us to his little proposal, and it wasn’t all because Jim can’t dance to save his life,” Gemma explained.
“Hey,” Jim yelled over his cubicle wall. “I’m a fine dancer. Ask anyone who saw me last Christmas.” He stood up and got serious. “And you were right to turn that kid down. I’m not as