Reasons Not To Fall In Love

The tears were full-on flowing down my face now as I looked down at the perfect little bundle. She was sleeping peacefully and still had the slight discolouration to her face where she’d been inside the womb for so long. Slipping my hands under her body, I picked her up, carefully cradling her in my arms. She didn’t even stir. Through the material of her baby grow, I could feel her tiny heart thrumming against my hand. I was lost in the beauty of a new-born baby. She was so precious that it made me want to cry, and she was so lucky too because she was going to grow up with amazing parents.

I felt the goofy happy smile stretch across my face as I stared at her. “Hi, beautiful,” I greeted.

“Hi yourself.” It was a male voice, and it came from behind me. I frowned, looking over my shoulder to see a man with dark blonde hair and dark brown eyes. He was breathtakingly handsome. His jaw was lined with short stubble, his hair was longer than I would normally like for a guy and curled slightly at the nape of his neck where it needed a trim and tidy-up, but strangely, it suited him like that. He wore a dark grey suit that fitted him perfectly, showing off his strong shoulders and small waist. He’d paired it with a white shirt underneath and a red tie, which hung loosely around his neck. As his chocolate coloured eyes met mine, a smile twitched at the corners of his full lips.

A lump formed in my throat for some reason, but I didn’t know why.

Skye cleared her throat dramatically. “Er, Harrison, don’t even think about hitting on my little sister,” she warned. “Besides, she’s married,” she added rather smugly.

I blinked a couple of times, trying to come back to reality because looking at him made me feel a little weird inside. Harrison. I’d heard of this guy. He was the one who was in business with Brandon. The two of them had both been made redundant from their advertising jobs last year and had decided to go into business together instead of looking for another job. Skye and Brandon had become extremely good friends with this guy over the last year, so I’d heard. I’d never personally met him, but now that I knew who he was, I knew to stay away. Harrison Baxter was a ladies’ man and fancied himself as Bath’s answer to James Bond, apparently.

One of the gorgeous stranger’s eyebrows rose. “Married, really? Damn, all of the hot ones are always taken or gay. Why is that, do you think?” he mused, cocking his head to the side playfully.

His voice did funny things to my insides. I was lost for words. Nothing was coming out of my mouth at all, so I just looked back down at Evie who was nestled comfortably in my arms.

“You happily married?” he probed, stepping closer to me. The heat emanating from his body to mine was making me feel a little jittery and I couldn’t stand still.

No, not at all. I gulped and nodded in answer to his question, trying to ignore the feelings of lust and want that were battling inside me. It was wrong for me to feel like this. I knew it was. I was married, and although Finn cheated on me occasionally, I would never do the same. “Happy married with a child,” I confirmed, nodding. Only part of that sentence was a lie. I did, in fact, have a child – I had just never been happily married. The lie came easily to me though; it always did in front of family. I never told them how hard things were for me, no one knew what my life was truly like. From the outside I played the perfect little loved-up wife, even my sister didn’t know about Finn and what went on between us. They all knew he’d cheated once, three years ago when I left him, but no one knew that it continued after I took him back. I’d often wondered what my life would be like if we hadn’t reconciled, but the answer was always the same – my life would have been exactly as it was now, only I would climb into a cold bed every night and not have anyone to wake up when I got scared of a stupid noise in the middle of the night.

Harrison sucked in a breath through his pearly white teeth. “Bugger. Oh well. Never mind then,” he replied, reaching up and running a hand through his already messy hair.

Turning my attention back to my niece, I smiled. I could still remember Theo this tiny. It was almost as if he had been born yesterday. I was so broody that it was unreal. I already knew that I would want another baby for weeks after this.

After fifteen minutes of me cuddling with the tiny little bundle and talking to Skye about the birth, the curtain pulled back and someone peeked in. “Sorry to interrupt, but you have two more visitors outside itching to come in. Could you maybe stagger your visitors so that you only have two at a time?” the nurse asked.

I winced. I’d been so carried away and lost in the moment that I’d forgotten that my mum was outside. I was supposed to have swapped with her so she could have a cuddle too. “Oops, Mum’s going to kill me! I was supposed to have swapped after ten minutes.” I chuckled guiltily and dipped my head, planting a soft kiss on Evie’s forehead before holding her out to Skye. “I’ll swap back in with Mum again in a little while,” I promised. I didn’t want to leave but with the restriction on visitors, only two people were allowed in plus the baby’s dad.

Harrison stood from the chair that was by the side of the bed. “I should probably get going anyway. Give me a call when you’re home, and I’ll come for a longer visit then. I only came to bring my present,” he stated, grinning.

Skye made a half scoff in her throat and shook her head. “Yeah, thanks for that. At least her Halloween outfit is already sorted.”

“Halloween outfit? That’s a coming home outfit if ever I saw one,” Harrison replied with mock hurt.

I frowned, wondering what his present was – until my eyes settled on the baby Yoda outfit that was hanging over the back of a chair. It even had a soft toy lightsaber sewn to its belt. I gasped. “Oh God that’s awesome! Did you get that? I love it!” I chirped, laughing. I was a huge Star Wars fan.

Harrison grinned and nodded rather proudly. “Yep. Saw it and had to get it.”

The nurse cleared her throat dramatically behind us, signalling for us to get a move on. I grinned at the outfit again, already wondering where he got it from and if I could get one in Theo’s size. “I’d better go. I’ll see you in a little while.” I turned and walked towards the curtain, knowing my mum was probably biting her nails down to the quick while waiting for me to come out. Behind me, I could hear Harrison saying his goodbyes.

“About time!” Mum announced as I walked out. Brandon’s mother stood next to her, both looking just as eager as she was to take my visitors place. Neither of them wasted any time darting in there as soon as I stepped out of the room.

I eyed the clock. It wasn’t even half past seven yet, so I would get plenty more baby snuggling time before visiting hours ended. Instead of leaving, like I’d assumed he would, Harrison stopped at my side. “So, how old is your son or daughter?”

“He’s almost six.” I smiled at the thought of Theo; he was the only good thing that had ever come from his jack-off of a father.

“Skye talks about you a lot. You live in London, don’t you?” I nodded in answer to his question. “You driving home tonight or…?”

“No, I’m staying at my mum’s, and then my husband and little boy are coming tomorrow to see Evie.”

“That’s nice. You, er, want to get a coffee or something while you wait for your turn to go in again?” he offered, nodding at the maternity ward door.

At the mention of coffee, my mouth watered. I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink for the last few hours, and was actually ravenous. “Sure,” I agreed, following him along the hallway and out of the ward. “You not got anything to rush home for?”

He shrugged. “Only tonight’s Hollyoaks but I taped that so we’re all good,” he joked, winking at me.

“So you’re a Star Wars fan?” I asked, remembering the Yoda outfit.

A grin stretched across his face. By the time we got to the hospital café, we were engrossed in a debate about which was the greatest Star Wars movie. Still immersed in the argument, I loaded a sandwich onto my tray while he made two coffees. When we got to the till, he paid before I even had a chance to get my purse from my bag. He waved his hand dismissively at my protests and offered to pay for mine. I had to smile at how sweet he was.

Choosing a seat in the busy café, talk turned to his job and how he knew Brandon and Skye. Surprisingly, conversation was easy and flowing. He was extremely easy to get along with, and incredibly funny too. I could see why my sister and brother-in-law liked this guy, I’d known him for a little over half an hour, and in that time he’d got me under his spell too. He was a genuinely nice guy – and hot to boot!

When his leg accidentally brushed mine as he shifted in his seat, my mind was already running rampant again. I really had no idea what was going on inside me. I’d never been attracted to another guy before, never even entertained the thought, but the warmth emanating from his thigh to mine made my stomach clench and the skin on my arms to prickle.

I took a bite of my sandwich, noticing he was watching my every move.

“So, what will it take for me to convince you to stay at my place tonight instead of your mum’s?” he asked, raising one eyebrow as he sipped his coffee.

I laughed at his attempt. The involuntary smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. I really didn’t want to find this guy funny, but I just couldn’t help myself. “Copious amount of alcohol, dancing and a kebab,” I joked.

“Done,” he agreed. “You’ll have the time of your life.” He smirked at me, and my lungs constricted at the promise in his voice. It had been so incredibly long since I’d had someone look at me the way he was looking at me. Sure, Finn and I still had an active sex life because a girl still had needs, but he didn’t look at me the way Harrison was, not any more anyway. The little glint to his eyes was making butterflies swoop around in my stomach, and if I wasn’t married, if I didn’t have a five year old waiting for me at home, two jobs and rent to pay, I would push him down onto the cold tiled floor and ravage his body until he begged for mercy.

I frowned and swallowed the lust that was starting to build up inside me. When his gaze flitted down my body, I stiffened at the smouldering passion that was building in his eyes. I hadn’t had anyone look at me like that in what felt like forever. That look was enough to give me sleepless nights. If I’d been going home tonight instead of staying at Mum’s, I would have certainly used Finn’s body for my own satisfaction.

Thankfully, my mobile phone ringing saved me from thinking up a witty knock-back to his suggestion. I looked down at the screen, seeing my mum’s number flashing on there. “Hey, Mum,” I answered, putting it to my ear again.

“I’m out. It’s your turn to go back in,” she stated before hanging up, probably because mobile phones were forbidden in the wards.

Without needing to be told twice, I stood up and pushed my phone back into my handbag. “That was my mum, it’s my turn to go back in again and see Evie. You coming back up too?” I asked, picking up my sandwich and taking a couple of huge and highly unladylike bites.

Harrison shook his head and sat back in his chair. “Nah, I’ll let family visit today. I’ll see them all when they get discharged.”

I sighed. “Lucky you.” I frowned, wishing I lived closer. Harrison would probably see my niece ten times more than I would. Taking the last bite of my sandwich, I threw the wrapper into the bin next to where we were sat. “Nice to meet you. Thanks for the sandwich and coffee.”

A charming smile stretched across his face as he stood. “Nice to meet you too. I guess we’ll have to take a rain check on that dancing and kebab.”

By the time we were finally kicked out of the hospital by the grumpy-looking nurse, I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open. It was only half past nine, but I’d been up since five in the morning working at the café, so it had been a long day for me already.

After calling Finn to make sure everything was set for the following day, I climbed into bed and settled back against the pillows. My eyes fluttered closed as I thought about little baby Evie. My hand unconsciously went to my stomach as I thought about a little new-born baby being mine. I chewed on my lip as the broodiness built up even more, as I imagined the baby having dark blonde, messy hair – just like Harrison’s. I shook my head to clear the fantasy before sighing dramatically. “Just stop thinking about him, Bronwyn. You’re being ridiculous right now,” I mumbled into the darkness.

Even though my body was exhausted, my mind was still whirling, so I lay there awake for almost an hour. By the time I did finally drift off to sleep, I’d pretty much convinced myself that Finn and I needed to make another baby.

Finn turned up a little after two in the afternoon, even though he’d promised me he’d come in the morning. Theo, of course, was welcomed with open arms and my mum was cooing over him with teary eyes as she’d hugged the life out of him. Finn, on the other hand, was greeted with a tight smile and a nod of the head. The atmosphere between them was so tense you could probably cut it with a knife. I’d tried time and time again to make peace between them over the years, but my mum would never actually like him. She just tolerated him for my benefit.

During the afternoon visit to the hospital, it became apparent that Finn was in no mood to socialise. The whole time he’d stood in the corner, only speaking when spoken to, and hadn’t even held Evie. He looked like he was bored. Knowing him, he was probably just planning his escape so he could go back home and hang out with his friends.

Once vising hours were over, my mum took us all out for dinner and wasn’t satisfied until Theo had eaten practically his whole weight in ice cream. She was in her element with my son, that much was apparent by her grin and twinkling eyes. After dinner, we’d spent another hour at my mum’s place with us two gossiping while she sat on the floor and played with the brand new cars she’d bought for Theo. Finn hadn’t said much, just sat on his phone playing games – online poker, I’d guess.