All the feeling left my limbs, all the air disappeared from my lungs. My mind started to warp reality, making it feel like a very dark dream. But then the dizziness passed, and I realized it was real, this conversation was really happening, Jake had betrayed me the second it was convenient for him. “Look—”
“Answer the question.” He was cold, just the way he used to be before we got to know each other. He reverted back to his jackass persona, like I was a stranger…or his enemy. “And appreciate the fact that I’m asking you anything at all.”
Oh my fucking god. “Yes. But—”
“Was he married?” His mood soured further, like he’d been hoping for a different answer.
“Yes. But—”
“And you’re the reason he got divorced?”
Technically. “Kind of—”
“When you were fighting in the lobby and I walked over, he wasn’t yelling at you for the dry cleaning and the mail. You lied to me.”
I stared into his face, paralyzed with fear.
He took my silence as a sufficient answer. “Jesus fucking Christ…” He looked away for a second, his palm rubbing across his jaw.
I’d never been this fucking scared in my life. “Deacon, I didn’t know he was married.”
He turned back to me.
“He lied to me, okay? I had no idea he was married—”
“How the fuck is that possible?” His nostrils flared, his eyes on fire. “You know all your clients. How could you not know the woman he lives with?”
“She lives in London for work. She goes back and forth—”
“And you didn’t know that either?” he snapped. “You expect me to believe that?”
“I’m not lying—”
“Like how you didn’t lie when I thought Jake was putting you down? When I walked over there to beat his face in because I thought he was disrespecting you? You made me look like a fucking idiot, Cleo.”
My eyes had already started to water out of frustration and fear. I couldn’t lose him. I couldn’t.
“I have never—” he took a deep breath, as if he had to stifle his rage “—ever fucking lied to you. Not once. And you lied to me—”
“We aren’t together at the time—”
“You still fucking lied to me. You told me about your ex-husband, but you didn’t tell me about Jake. Why is that?”
“Because I was—”
“Because you had a fucking affair, and you knew I would never want you if I knew that.”
“Yes. But again, I didn’t know he was married at the time—”
“Yes, I heard you the first time. Doesn’t mean I believe you.”
God, that hurt. “I’m telling you the truth.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me you had a relationship with another client? You’ve made a big fucking deal about us being together when you’ve done it before, apparently. And you just didn’t think to mention that? How many other clients have you fucked?”
Tears started to well up. “This is why I didn’t tell you. Because you’re making all these harsh assumptions. It was a mistake, and I regret it. You have no idea how much I wish it never happened. The reason I didn’t tell you was because I was ashamed…fucking ashamed. Ashamed that I believed a liar. Ashamed that I…” Tears started to pour down my cheeks. “Ashamed that I didn’t know better. Ashamed that I stupidly didn’t look into my own client. But I swear on my parents’ graves, I didn’t know he was married.”
He stared me down.
“And when I found out, I left him. He divorced his wife in the hope we could work it out, but I wanted nothing to do with him. That was why he pestered me at my desk, because I wouldn’t take his phone calls or respond to his texts. He was desperate to talk to me and did it at fucking work.”
He was still cold.
“And no, there’s no one else. I’ve never done that with any other client.”
“Why did you do it in the first place?”
“Because I was miserable. My husband had just left me for someone else, and I was…in a really dark place.” I spoke through my tears, tried to talk through my deep breaths. “I was sad…and I just…did something really stupid. I’m not perfect, okay? I made a mistake—my only mistake. I learned my lesson. And then I met you… And I risked it all again because I knew you were the one—”
“Do you have any idea how stupid I feel? Living in the same building as the man my girl used to bed? I’ve been in the elevator with that motherfucker so many goddamn times. And he knew—and I didn’t.”
I dragged my hands down my face, wiping away the tears even though new ones quickly replaced them. “I just…didn’t want to talk about my past. I didn’t want to—”
“I told you about my skeletons. I told you about my drinking problem. I’ve never hidden anything from you—even the things I’m most ashamed of. What excuse do you have, Cleo? You asked me to give you all of me—and I fucking did. You didn’t do the same. I put myself out there, and you didn’t even meet me halfway.”