“And I get that, but we never talked about that. You never asked me if I wanted that.”
“I just assumed.”
“And that’s the problem, Deacon. Don’t assume.”
He leaned back in the chair and rubbed the back of his neck.
“I don’t save lives or try to find the cure for cancer, but my job is still important to me.”
“Never insinuated it wasn’t.”
“But you assumed I would leave work for your son.”
“No. I assumed you’d want to. That’s the difference.” He turned back to me. “I’m used to you going above and beyond for me all the time, and now I realize…that was a stupid assumption to make. I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I promise.”
Now I felt bad for getting mad. “I know.”
“I’m not going to lie. I like seeing you with Derek. I like knowing you’re the one with him—not someone else. You’re great with him.”
“Well, he’s an easy kid.”
“But I know you’ll do right by him, not just give him what he wants. I know you’re a good role model for him. You’re the kind of woman I want him to be around. You know, hardworking, honest, full of integrity…”
My eyes lowered.
“That’s what makes me happy…you picking him up from school.”
“And that’s fine, but I have a career, Deacon.”
He looked away, sighing quietly. “I didn’t think this through. With you, I don’t have to think.”
“Well, maybe this week is just a fluke.”
“I would like to have him longer than a weekend, though. I don’t mind him being here. I just can’t always leave work early.”
“Then maybe you should consider a nanny. I can vet them really well for you until you find someone you’re comfortable with.”
He didn’t look remotely interested in that. “I can move things around for the rest of the week. I’ll pick up Derek.”
A lot of my clients had nannies. It was a way of life. My girls were good people who were passionate about their jobs, but Deacon obviously wanted to be a hands-on father. Though, he also wanted to be completely dedicated to his career. He was realizing that was impossible. “Okay.” Now it was quiet, the two of us sitting at the table in tense silence. Our weekend had been wonderful, with lots of romance and hot sex, and now it was bumpy again. I didn’t mean to make it that way, but I couldn’t give him what he wanted…this time.
He turned back to me, his arms folded on the table. “You talk about wanting to have a family with me.”
My heart raced when I heard what he said, unsure where that statement would go.
“In that scenario, are you still working?”
“I…I don’t know. I honestly haven’t thought that far ahead.”
He watched me, his eyes absorbent, taking in my expressions like words.
“Why?”
“I imagine you being home with our kids. But I guess you feel differently about that.”
“I love my job.”
“But it’s long hours, weekends, and nights…” His eyes started to fill with accusation.
“Well, your job has long hours, weekends, and nights.”
He clenched his jaw tightly like he wanted to say something but swallowed it instead. “This conversation is pointless because it’s not our reality, but it’s unrealistic to have two parents who are both slaves to their jobs. Something’s gotta give. If we have a nanny, then neither one of us will ever spend time with them. It just wouldn’t make sense at that point.”
I tried not to take offense to his words, to interpret them in a sexist way, but he was right. If I did want to have a family someday, I would have to step away from my job, at least for a few years. I couldn’t run around like crazy while I had a couple babies at home, being raised by a woman who wasn’t even their mother. If I didn’t want to spend time with them, why did I have them? And Deacon’s job was more important than mine at the end of the day.
“We don’t have to have kids either,” he said. “If we’re fulfilled by our jobs, then it’s not necessary—”
“No…I want to.”
He studied me for a few more seconds before he nodded. “I’ve learned to step away from work and enjoy life, because of you. I’ve learned that, while I’m passionate about my work and fighting against the clock, there are more important things in life…like you guys. I’m not accusing you of feeling differently, but that’s something you might want to think about yourself.”
I lowered my gaze, knowing I never did that with my ex.
“I understand Derek is not your son, and it was unfair to assume you would take care of him in my absence. I won’t let that happen again. But if you ever change your mind…I’d like you to be the only person with him.”
“What about your mother?” I asked.