He seemed to feel my sincerity, because he smiled. “Thanks.”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe we were supposed to be with other people. But I’m sorry I wasted your time.”
“Cleo, I was the one who asked you to marry me.”
“I know, but…”
“And how are you supposed to know what real love is until you find it?” he asked. “We didn’t know any better. We thought what we had was the real deal. But now, I’m sure we both disagree with that.”
“Absolutely.” The love I had with Deacon was practically spiritual because it was so strong. We blended together so well that it was like the universe made us for each other.
“So, don’t be so harsh on yourself, Cleo. You made mistakes, but I made mistakes too. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter anyway, because we’re both happy.”
“Yeah…we are.” If he was already married, then he didn’t waste any time rushing into a committed relationship. If he already had a baby on the way, they were committed for the rest of their lives. But it didn’t bother me at all. It didn’t matter how quickly he’d moved on, how quickly he forgot about me. Deacon made me forget there had ever been another man in my life. He was my one, my only.
David took off the wrapping to his lunch. “Well, my appetite is back.”
I smiled and opened mine before I took a bite. “So, how are you?”
We talked together at the table, exchanging stories about our lives. He told me about Cindy’s family, I told him about Derek and Valerie, the psycho bitch. By the end of the lunch, it was like we were old friends…and that felt really nice.
Six
Deacon
Without Valerie around to take care of Derek, I had to make sacrifices at work to be there for him. I thought about having a car pick up Derek and bring him to my office so he could play with his toys while I worked in the lab.
But then I realized that was shitty parenting and unacceptable.
If I had no other choice, I would do it. But I did have another choice. I could go to work earlier and leave earlier in the day to pick him up. I could make sacrifices to be there for my son…just as a parent should.
When I’d assumed Cleo would take care of Derek without even asking, I realized how much I relied on her, not just as an assistant, but as a partner. I delegated parenting duties to her without thinking twice about it. Knowing he was with her would ease my worry at work because she would take good care of him.
It made me realize how much our relationship had changed. I’d wanted to take things slow, but somehow, we skipped forward instead. It wasn’t even her fault. I was the one responsible for the rush. She made dinner when I worked late, her clothes were in my closet, her bed was my bed. She spent time with Derek while I worked at my laptop at the table. Whether I was ready for it or not, we were a family.
And it felt right.
None of this would have happened if she hadn’t needed to move to Brooklyn, but it was a happy coincidence because I loved having her around. I hadn’t even been divorced for a year, only had a year to live alone and decompress, but I was living with a woman again…and that didn’t bother me. It seemed way too fast, but it felt right.
Because she was the right person.
I picked up Derek from school, and we went home.
“Can we go to the movies?” Derek asked from his side of the car.
I was working on emails on my phone, so I forced myself to return the phone to my pocket and pay attention to my son. It was my dream to have him here, to see him every day, and I would never take that for granted. “Do you have homework?”
“No…”
I narrowed my eyes.
He couldn’t lie because he looked too guilty doing it. “But I can do it later.”
“You take care of your responsibilities before you play.”
“Why? Can’t I just do it later?”
“But will you do it later?”
He sighed loudly.
“Besides, it’s a school night. We don’t go out on school nights.”
“Fine. But what about ice cream?”
I ignored the question altogether.
Derek looked out the window.
I hated that Valerie spoiled him because I was the one who always had to say no. It made me look like the bad guy, when I was the only parent who actually gave a shit.
We went to the condo and sat together at the dining table. I worked on my laptop and did my paperwork while Derek did his math and his reading. I wanted to get him into the habit of doing things right when he got home, to use his energy for something productive, to be responsible and self-sufficient. I’d read that routines were the most important component for children and reduced behavioral problems.