I finally felt the joy for the first time, finally allowed myself to feel happy. I was over-the-moon, inexplicably happy. It was unexpected and certainly unplanned, but it was such a gift, a blessing, and now that the guilt was gone…I finally felt everything. My hand went to my stomach, feeling the almost unnoticeable bump, the extra weight on my waist, and I felt my eyes water again, but this time in joy.
He placed his hand over mine, feeling our baby with me, his smile widening into a full one, that handsome smile he almost never wore. But he did now, his fingers gently squeezing mine.
Tears dripped down my cheeks again, but this time I smiled through it. “We’re having a baby…”
Once Deacon knew, my mood changed.
No longer somber, miserable, or scared, I was now happy…really happy.
Deacon returned to his usual self, affectionate, warm, loving. There was obviously enough room in his heart to love me as well as another person. All his reservations were gone, and we went back to normal.
I bought new clothes since my old ones were starting not to fit, but I kept all of them because I intended to fit into them after the baby was born. I wore loose dresses since I would grow into them over the next few months.
I came home late one night, dinner already on the table because Deacon got it started once he got home. There was grilled chicken and vegetables, salmon no longer on the menu because it upset my stomach. I put my bag on the entryway table, said hello to Derek, and then joined Deacon in the kitchen. “Hey.”
“Hey, baby.” He left the pans in the sink and turned to me, his arm hugging my back as he brought me in for a kiss. He held me close, gave me a long kiss, his hand giving my ass an affectionate squeeze.
I couldn’t believe this was real, that I got to do this every day for the rest of my life, that I hadn’t lost him.
His hand cupped my cheek, and he looked at me as he pulled away, like he could see the butterflies in my eyes. “How’s the little one?” His other hand slid over my stomach, feeling the slight swell most people wouldn’t notice, but he’d been touching me so long and he was a doctor who noticed details other people didn’t.
“Good.” My hand moved over his. “Quiet.”
“Quiet for now,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m sure that will change.” He turned to pour a glass of wine for himself then grabbed me water.
It was nice not to pretend to enjoy a glass of wine then explain why you hadn’t touched it.
We moved to the table and had dinner, Derek not as talkative as usual because he’d been home with Deacon for a few hours and probably already talked his ear off. As the night went on, Derek became more and more tired, and tonight we were having dinner later than usual, so he was less energetic.
“Dad?”
“Yeah?” Deacon said.
“Can we go to the cabin soon?” he asked. “It’s not snowing anymore.”
“Still not warm enough to fish.”
I pulled out my phone and looked at the weather. “After Valentine’s Day, it’s supposed to get into the seventies. Maybe spring is early since the winter was so bad.”
“See?” Derek asked. “We can fish.”
Derek shrugged. “I guess so. Maybe next weekend.”
“Cool,” Derek said. “Can I bring a friend?”
“Nope,” Deacon answered immediately.
“Why not?” Derek asked.
“Because it’s a family place,” Deacon said. “When you’re older, we’ll reconsider.”
Derek was disappointed but didn’t argue.
After dinner, Derek went into his room to play with his models, and we were left alone together.
Deacon finished his dinner but enjoyed his wine as he stared at me. “I got us in with the doctor tomorrow.”
“What time?”
“One.”
I had my own doctor, but I’d found him online. Whoever Deacon selected was probably better.
“He’s the best in his field,” Deacon said. “We’ll be in good hands.”
“Great.” I loved that he immediately took charge of the situation, making doctor’s appointments, taking time off work to come with me, doing more stuff around the condo so I didn’t have to. “When do you think we should tell Derek?”
“Not sure. I don’t know if he’ll understand.”
“He’ll definitely understand,” I said with a chuckle. “He’s smarter than I am.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“How do you think he’ll handle it?” I asked.
“He’ll be excited. He’s always wanted a sibling.”
“Good. And your family?”
“Well…I’m assuming Tucker knows.” He gave me a look of accusation.
“Yeah…I told him.”
“You told my brother before me. Interesting.”
“I was just scared. I needed someone to talk to.”
He didn’t stay annoyed for more than a few seconds. “I’m glad you feel that comfortable with my family because they adore you.”
“I know…”
“My mom will be thrilled.”
“Yeah?” I asked, a little unsure how she would feel since we weren’t married.