“The old me wouldn’t have believed a word you just said, but I can’t deny I have never wanted another woman as much as I want you,” I tell her. Stepping back, I do up the button of my jacket. Theadora watches my every move, and her eyes skim over me.
“And because of that… because I know it doesn’t work no matter what, we always end up broken…” I take a deep breath, “… I’m going to leave. Turn away and walk out that door without my lips touching yours. It will take all my willpower, but I have to do it.”
Theadora’s hand reaches out, but she pulls it back quickly. “You’re right, it’s always wrong,” she whispers, and takes a sip from her glass.
Turning, I walk to her door.
She stays where she is in the kitchen. Her breathing is heavy as she grips the glass stem in her hand, her fingers almost going white.
She watches me leave, and as I shut the door behind me I hear muttered words.
“Slow, Atlas, slow,” I hear through the door.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Theadora
After he left, I drank the whole bottle of wine and fell asleep. My weekend was quiet after that, and I was a little disappointed I never heard from him again.
I shouldn’t have been, but something inside of me beats only for him.
And I’m slowly coming to terms with that fact, even if it doesn’t mean anything good will come from it. It helps to understand how you feel and what you feel.
Tina’s at my house, it’s the weekend, and I asked her to come. I think I’m going to visit Lucy today. She sent me a letter during the week—it was simple, very much not like her, and it asked that I come visit. But I can’t do that by myself, so Tina’s here with me.
I’d given up trying to save Lucy. It’s something I needed to do, no matter what, even though it hurt me. Helping Lucy only ended up with me in situations I never wanted to be in.
“Do you want me to go in with you?”
My leg shakes up and down. “No, I don’t think I will be long.”
“I can always wait at the door, and when you give me the okay, I can swoop in and save your ass.”
I manage a small laugh as I turn to face her. “I got this. And when we are done here, you have to tell me about Sydney.”
“What about Sydney?” she asks.
I look at her hand, she isn’t wearing a ring, but Sydney may have let it slip this week she was planning to talk to her about it, and she also asked my advice about how she should bring it up.
“I’m going in. Then after… we will talk. I swear.” I step out of the car and walk up the stairs to the hospital. I check-in and wait in a room where other people are talking and hugging their loved ones. My eyes skirt around the room as I wait. A door clicks, my eyes swing in that direction, and I watch as Lucy walks in, her arms hugging her body as she steps toward me.
She looks different.
I’m unsure if it’s good or not.
I honestly can’t tell from her demeanor.
“Thea.” She says my name with care as it slips from her lips uneasily. She sits across from me, her dark eyes different from mine as she stares at me. “You came.”
“You asked nicely.” I’ve never heard her say please to me in terms of something that wasn’t benefiting her, but then again, this could be, and I will be the fool who has believed her once again.
“I first wanted to ask you, how he is?” She leans in. “The baby… is he good?”
“He’s beautiful, so very much so.”
Lucy’s cheeks redden at my words. “You see him regularly?”
“Yes. I will also get him for weekends when he’s older. Right now, he is best with his family, and I don’t want to pull him away from that environment, so I have day visits with him.”
“Atlas arranged that, didn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“He came to see me. I told him about Mom and Dad.” My spine straightens at her words. “I just wanted him to understand our relationship. How and why I grew to be so jealous of you. How only you could calm, Dad, even though I was his favorite.”
Those nights when he was crazy I hated them. I would always protect Lucy, shut her door, and would then try to help my mother. Most nights, she would wake me in a state of panic so I could help her calm my father. I hated Mom doing that, he was that way because she enabled him, even though she knew better.
“Please don’t share things with Atlas like that,” I ask.
“I didn’t mean…” She shakes her head. “Okay, I won’t. Though, he has said he’s never coming back to see me. Which I get, but I was kind of hoping you would. Maybe even do some sessions with me, if you are up to it?”