So Ainsley hadn’t lost her job? A weird, wonderful kind of hope began to overtake his feeling of defeat. If Ainsley was living in Sundance, he had a chance with her. Until he remembered why he didn’t have a chance with her.
His mother clucked her tongue. “The poor girl sounded so lonely.”
That tore at him. “How the hell can she be lonely?” Ben demanded. “When up until last week, she was with me most nights for the past four weeks?”
“Why are you asking me? Maybe you should trot yourself to town and ask her. Because God knows, I would never hear the end of it if I poked my nose into your personal business.”
Unreal.
His mother threw a gaudy sequined scarf over her shoulder like a Hollywood diva. She placed her hands on Ben’s cheeks and stood on tiptoe to peck him on the mouth. “I love you. So here’s some advice, and please don’t take this the wrong way. You are a strong, independent man. A good man. A man who deserves happiness. But don’t be a stubborn man. It doesn’t make you weak to want to rely on someone or to want someone in your life who understands you fully. Who accepts you completely. Who gives you something you can’t get from anyone else. Everything in life is about compromise. If it’s worth it, you’ll change to get it. Changing things about your life that don’t fit who you are anymore doesn’t mean you have to change who you are inside.”
He stared at her with his mouth hanging open.
“It’s scary how well I know you, isn’t it, son? We’re a lot alike.” She laughed. “And that absolutely horrifies you, doesn’t it?”
The door slammed behind her and she yelled at his dogs before she sped off.
Smart woman, his mother. Between her advice, and Gavin’s, he’d finally found the answer he’d been looking for.
Without changing clothes, without giving himself a chance to change his mind, he jumped in his truck and headed for Gillette.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Late Tuesday morning Layla showed up at the bank, practically spitting fire.
As soon as Ainsley shut her office door, Layla was in her face. “What did you do to Bennett?”
“Me? Nothing.” Panic surfaced. “Why? What happened to him? Is he all right?”
“No, he’s not all right. He resigned from the Rawhide Club.”
Her stomach lurched. “He did? When?”
“Last night.” Layla poked her in the chest. “We’re friends, A, but if you did something to hurt him, I swear I’ll—”
“Hold up. Why do you assume it was something I did?”
“Because he told me it was.”
“Sit and start from the beginning.”
Layla flopped into the chair. “I just happened to be at the club last night.”
“The club was open last night?”
“No. The guys have a meeting every couple months to deal with schedules, new members, any problems. Ben showed up, which he almost never does. But he looked awful. He had bags under his eyes. I think he came in wearing cow-poop-covered clothes. That isn’t the Bennett I know. He gave no input during the meeting. As soon as it ended, he stood and announced he was canceling his membership. He’d appreciated their friendship and support over the years, but sometimes a man had to make a choice and he’d made his.”
Ainsley couldn’t believe her ears. “What did the other guys—his friends—say?”
“What could they say? They were stunned. So I followed Bennett out to his truck and asked him why he was leaving the club. He said being with you changed his life.”
Anger rose. Bennett could tell Layla that, but not her?
You have no right to the anger. You gave him no choice but to keep his feelings from you when you told him it was over.
Layla tapped on the desk to get her attention. “Tell me what happened between you two.”
Despite her distraction, Ainsley gave Layla the rundown. She tried for detachment in the telling, but by the time she finished, the pressure and misery from the past couple of days nearly had her in tears.
“So everything with him was all just an experiment to you and you can just walk away like nothing happened?”
“No!” She jabbed her finger at Layla. “You’re the one who said I should give the club a try. I did. You’re the one who said I should embrace my sexuality. I did. It was supposed to be one weekend out of my life and nothing more.”
“But it wasn’t enough, was it?” Layla said softly. “I had nothing to do with you agreeing to be Bennett’s sub, outside the club for a month. So don’t pretend you were coerced.”
“I know that, Layla. I’m not denying it. I’ve learned…I’ve accepted that I prefer to be submissive when it comes to sex.”
“But?”
“But after seeing how I jeopardized my job with one misstep, regarding Ben, I knew it had to end. All of it.” Even when I didn’t want it to.
“Why? What you do in a private club isn’t anyone’s business but yours.”
“Wrong. What would happen if my coworkers or bosses found out I’m a sexual submissive? That I do whatever Bennett demands of me, without question? That I’m involved with a man who’s a sexual dominant at a sex club? And please don’t tell me it doesn’t matter because it does. Maybe not in all lines of work, but definitely in this one and definitely in this part of the country. And Bennett keeps the Dom side of himself hidden from his family and friends too, so it’s not just me who knows the risks of our preferences becoming common knowledge.”
Ainsley sank back in her chair.
“I get that, A, but don’t you see how much Bennett cares about you? He’s removing the big obstacle that prevents you two from being together.”
“I don’t want that burden from him.”
“Too bad, you’ve got it,” Layla snapped, “and now you have to deal with it. So tell me how you plan to?”
Stung, she retorted, “How long do you think before Bennett gets bored with me and misses the sexual variety that defined his time as a Dom at the Rawhide?”
“Bennett has always been very committed to the club. Making it a place where everyone who’s a member is comfortable because he struggled for years with accepting who he was as a Dom. So for him to walk away for good? I know he’s even more committed to making this work with you.”
That brought tears to her eyes again. “Damn him. I didn’t want this.”