“You sure?”
She nodded.
“I thought you might. I already talked to India about comin’ in and helping you—”
“Absolutely not, Carson. No one can see me like this. Do you understand? No one.” She cried harder.
Shit. “You want me to get the nurse?”
“No. You’re the only one I trust to do it.”
“Wait. You want me to trim your hair?”
“You used to give the boys haircuts.” She closed her eyes again. “It’s mortifying that I’m so weak I can’t hold my head up.”
“Good thing you’ve got me here to hold you up.” He pushed the nurse’s call button.
Nurse Lissa hustled into the room. “You rang?”
“Can you find a set of hair clippers? She’d like me to fix the chop job.”
“I’m not sure what protocol is on that, so I’ll check and get back to you.”
“They’ll say no,” Carolyn said in a voice devoid of hope after the nurse left the room.
“You don’t know that.”
“Don’t yell at me.”
“I’m not.” He counted to ten. “Why would I yell at you?”
“Because I’m acting crazy.”
He chuckled. “Sugar, I survived six pregnancies with you. I remember them crazy times very well. So open them pretty blue eyes and gaze at me adoringly like you’re prone to. That’s how I’ll know for sure you’re you.”
That earned him her first smile. “Cocky cowboy.”
Nurse Lissa returned with an orderly pushing a wheelchair. “You’re cleared to do this with my supervision but we can’t do it in here. Brian and I will get you in the wheelchair.”
Carson hung back.
They wheeled her into a small lab-looking room. After replacing the dressing on the back of her head, Nurse Lissa fastened a hair salon style cape around Carolyn’s shoulders.
“Sugar, you sure this is what you want?”
“Positive.”
He adjusted the guard on the clippers. “Ready?”
“Just do it.”
He hoped she hadn’t noticed how bad his hands shook as he gave her a buzz cut. He really hoped she hadn’t seen his tears rolling down his cheeks as chunks of her beautiful blonde hair hit the floor. “There. Take a look.”
She squinted in the hand mirror. “Mona at ‘Hair It Is’ doesn’t need to worry that I’ve found a new stylist, but it looks better.” Her fearful eyes met his. “Doesn’t it?”
“You always look beautiful to me, Caro. You know that.”
“But…”
“No buts.”
“The kids—”
“Will be happy to see you. None of us loves you for your hair.”
That and a few kisses quelled her tears and her fears.
Back in the room, Carolyn became subdued. Her voice sounded scratchy and he suspected it might be hurting her to talk after having a tube shoved down her throat for a week.
“What else is botherin’ you?”
“My head hurts.”
“Want me to get the nurse to give you some pain meds?”
She shook her head and winced. Then she closed her eyes. Two big tears rolled down her cheeks.
It would’ve hurt less if she’d punched him in the chest. Gently, he curled his hands around her face. “Caro. You’re killin’ me. How long’s your head been hurtin’?”
“A while.”
“You need to take something for the pain.”
Another shake of her head. Another wince.
“Why in the hell…” He remembered the docs had said she might act unreasonable and he had to be the reasonable one. “It’ll help you feel better.”
“It’ll knock me out. Then what if I go back to sleep and this time I don’t wake up? I can’t take that chance. Ever. I’ll live with the pain.”
He felt so goddamned helpless. This was another thing the doctors had warned him about: paranoia the coma would come back even when it was damn near medically impossible. He pressed his lips to her forehead. Then he kissed away her tears. “Sugar, look at me.”
She opened her eyes.
“I’ll ask if they can give you something that’ll dull the pain but won’t put you out. Okay?”
Her gaze searched his. “Promise me you won’t trick me about this?”
“I promise. If they can’t guarantee it won’t put you under then I won’t let you take it.”
“Okay.”
He brushed his lips over hers. “Be right back.”
Five minutes later he trailed into the room behind Lissa. She piggy-backed a clear packet of liquid onto her IV. “This will help.”
“Good. She needs it.” Carson lowered the bedrail so he could move in closer. He stroked her head. Something about that stubble…he couldn’t stop touching it. He couldn’t stop touching her.
“That feels nice.”
“Anything else I can do?”
“Since I’m pretty sure the meds will knock me out even when they swore they don’t, I want your promise that you’ll sleep with me.”
“Much as I can’t wait to get my hands on you, think about what you and me goin’ at it does to your heart rate. You want the nurses to see that on the monitor and race in here and see my ass in the air as I’m bouncing on you?”
“Even when I’m decrepit in a hospital bed, with bad hair and a bad attitude, you’re scheming to nail me.” She smiled softly. “It’s good to be me. But I’m serious. I want to sleep in your arms tonight, Carson. I’m never scared when I’m with you.”
He stroked her cheek. “Did you have nightmares while you were under?”
“Only that I’d never find my way back to you.”
“You did.” He kissed her cheek. “Make room for me while I get undressed.”
Lissa, the night nurse…
Lissa hadn’t been in to check on Carolyn McKay for forty-five minutes. She’d gotten sidetracked but the monitor readings were normal so she wasn’t worried. As she entered the room she was making a mental checklist of all the things she needed to accomplish before shift change so she didn’t notice them at first.
But when she reached the foot of the bed she stopped and stared.
At some point in the last hour, Carson McKay had crawled into the hospital bed with his wife. The gruff rancher, always decked out in boots, jeans and a long sleeved western shirt, at all hours of the day or night, had donned a hospital gown and a pair of flannel pants. His bare feet stuck out the end of the bed, but she could see beneath the blanket his legs were entwined with Carolyn’s.