“No idea why she just called you monkey balls. But I haven’t laughed this hard in weeks.”
After I finally calmed down, Deacon repeated his earlier question.
“Anyway, as I was saying, can I get you a coffee or something?”
His offer gave me pause. It was rare that anyone asked if I needed anything. I had a couple of good friends in the city, but they worked and had busy social lives. It wasn’t like they were around in the middle of the day to run to the store for me. And given that it was fall in New York, it was getting chilly out. I had to have a damn good reason to take Sunny out in the cold.
Honestly, I was dying for a latte from Starbucks. Running to the coffee shop was definitely something people without babies took for granted. It wasn’t worth having to bundle Sunny up.
“I would love a vanilla latte from Starbucks, if you pass one on your way back,” I finally said.
“Done.” He smiled. “That’s it?”
“Just one pump of vanilla would be great.”
“One pump. Got it. Anything else?”
“Isn’t that enough? It’s hardly a necessity. I shouldn’t be taking advantage.”
“Take advantage of me. What else do you need? Seriously. It’s the least I can do after disturbing your peace last night.”
Take advantage of me. Yup. Mind straight in the gutter. “You’re not my gopher.”
“Carys….” His baritone voice turned serious, and he repeated in a slow and exaggerated manner, “What. Do. You. Need? I could run to the store.”
There was something else I desperately needed.
“Diapers?” I said hesitantly.
“Okay.” He laughed. “You’re gonna have to help me out with those. I’ve never purchased them in my life.”
Before I could tell him what size, he handed me his phone. I was all too aware of the brief touch of his hand.
“Enter your digits. I’ll text you from the store to make sure I get the right kind.”
I did as he said before handing him back the phone, once again enjoying the contact from that brief exchange. Cheap thrills were as good as it got these days.
He put it in his pocket. “Anything else?”
“Not that I can think of.”
“Alright. Well, if you change your mind, you can let me know when I text.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
“Talk to ya in a bit,” he said before heading down the hall.
I stood by my door and watched him walk away. The view from the back was just as good as the front. And moreover, it seemed Deacon was just as lovely on the inside as he was on the outside.
“One pump my ass,” I heard Mrs. Winsbanger say before she slammed her door.
* * *
A text came in about a half-hour later.
Deacon: Okay. I’m in the diaper aisle. There are a lot of choices.
I smiled as I typed. Bless his heart. The idea of my hot neighbor standing clueless in the diaper aisle was as adorable as it was funny. Some unsuspecting mama was going to have a heart attack when she went looking for diaper pail bags and found him instead.
Carys: Anything in size 2 will be great.
Deacon: Huggies or Luvs?
Carys: Whichever is cheaper.
Deacon: Which does she prefer?
Carys: LOL. Well, we’ve never discussed it. She can’t exactly tell me.
Deacon: Ah. Right.
Carys: But Mommy prefers whichever is cheapest.
Deacon: Which do you like better?
Carys: I’ve never really compared. Either one is fine.
He didn’t text again, so I assumed he’d chosen something. Then another message came in.
Deacon: Oh…plot twist!
I laughed.
Carys: What?
Deacon: There’s Pampers too.
Carys: Just choose one. LOL
Deacon: There are a couple of women coming to my rescue now. They think I need help.
Sure. I bet it’s the diapers they’re concerned with. I needed to pick a brand to put him out of his misery.
Carys: Luvs will be great.
Deacon: K. Got ’em!
Carys: Thank you.
Deacon: Anything else while I’m here?
I needed some tampons and deodorant, but I wouldn’t dare send him for those.
Carys: No. Thanks. That’s it.
A few seconds later, another text came in.
Deacon: What’s a peepee teepee?
Lord. He needs to get out of the baby aisle.
Cracking up, I typed.
Carys: It’s a tent for your wee-wee.
Deacon: A tent for MY wee-wee? Are you suggesting I need one after last night?
I couldn’t believe he was bringing that up again. I also couldn’t believe how hard I was laughing right now. I’d laughed more today than I had in ages. I hoped I wouldn’t wake up Sunny.
Carys: It’s for baby boys so they don’t piss on people.
Deacon: Ah. Then I’m good. I haven’t pissed on anyone in a while. ;-)
Holy shit. Where was this conversation going?
Carys: SMH
Deacon: Doesn’t look like they have my size anyway.
Oh my God.
Deacon: Okay. Really leaving this time!
And now I was burning up.
* * *
When Deacon returned a half-hour later, Sunny was still sleeping.
He handed me a bag containing the diapers. He also carried two coffees in a cardboard tray.