Chapter Eleven
Stella
I’m in love with Ethan.
As I walk by his side on the trail up to the top of Uetliberg, my heart won’t stay still. My eyes keep wandering over to his face, to those sublime features that have long been appearing in my dreams, and each time our gazes meet by accident, my breath catches. I look away quickly, before he can see my cheeks blazing, then smile to myself. The same whenever my hand brushes unintentionally against his.
I’m in love.
I thought I just had a grown woman crush. It started out as piqued curiosity, interest in a man with good looks and impressive credentials, which spiked when I first met him and saw how much hotter he looked in a suit in person. That turned into admiration after I started working for him. How could I not admire someone who works so hard day after day, who makes difficult decisions without breaking a sweat, who keeps his shoulders straight when they’re carrying the weight of the world? Then, because I am a grown woman, some of that became lust. I tried so hard to control and conceal it, but it just went wild when we first had sex. It should have been appeased then, but no. It just keeps growing more and more intense. Last night, I was blown out of my mind. And when I came back to it, I realized that it was still not enough. Sex isn’t enough. I don’t just want his body. I want his heart, his soul. I don’t just want the good. I want the bad, too. And everything in between.
I want all of Ethan.
Maybe I always have and I’ve just been denying it, fighting it because the voice in my head told me it wasn’t right. Because he’s my boss. He still is, and I don’t know why that doesn’t seem to matter anymore. I mean, of course it still matters. It’s why we can’t be a couple. But I no longer see why I can’t love him because of it.
I love him in spite of the fact that he’s my boss, in spite of me knowing that we’re from different worlds, in spite of my fears that one of these days he’ll marry a woman as rich and successful as he is. I just do. Of course, it would be nice if he considered me instead, but I’m not hoping for or expecting anything from him. I’m happy to just be by his side.
I steal another glance at him. This time, I can’t help but smile. Suddenly, he turns his head. I clasp my hand over my mouth as I silently scold myself.
Shit.
“Are you alright?” Ethan stops and turns to me.
I put on a straight face as I rub my hands. “Yup.”
He doesn’t look convinced. “Cold?”
I realize I am as an icy breeze blows. It may still be summer, but here on this Swiss mountain, it feels like winter. Even with this coat I’m wearing, I still feel like shivering. Maybe I should have worn a turtleneck underneath, or an extra layer of clothing.
I wrap my arms tightly around myself. “A little. But I’ll be fine.”
We’re almost to the restaurant anyway. I’m sure it will be warmer there.
Still, Ethan takes off his scarf.
“Here,” he says as he starts to wrap it around my neck.
I give him a look of concern. “But…”
“I was born in Chicago in winter,” Ethan tells me. “I can stand the cold better, I think.”
I wonder if that’s true. Then again, I do remember that he only wears a single coat and a scarf on winter days, whereas I’m always all bundled up.
“Also, I survived staying at an inn in Hokkaido that had a broken heater. Also in winter.”
I look at him with wide eyes. I always thought he only stayed at first-class hotels that had the best of everything.
I touch the scarf. “Thank you.”
Since he went through all the effort of wrapping it around my neck and trying to convince me he doesn’t need it, I might as well accept it.
I bring the scarf up to my chin. The wool feels nice. Soft and warm. And it smells of Ethan’s aftershave, too.
I close my eyes as I breathe in the scent. Something about it just makes me feel safe, happy.
“Besides, we’ll be at the restaurant soon,” Ethan says.
I open my eyes to find that he’s slipped his hands inside his pockets and continued walking.
“Or so I hope. I know Simone Odermatt said this place was excellent and even went through the trouble of booking it for us, but I wish he’d mentioned that we had to walk from the car to get to it.”
“At least we get nice views,” I say as I catch up with him.
The sun has started to set, so right now the clouds and the surrounding mountains look like they’re glowing. I can also catch a glimpse of the city and the lake down below. I can only imagine how much more enchanting it will look at night.