Before You

Honey had heard him say that before. He just didn’t voice it constantly, so when he did, it meant that much more.

With her hand clinging to his waist, she gazed up at him and replied, “Love you.”

They were walking to his car, his arm draped across her back, resting on her other shoulder, both of their stomachs full after a late lunch at the Ogunquit Lobster Pound. Honey had taught Andrew how to properly break apart his lobster, a skill most New Englanders had been born with. They’d split the deep-dish blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream for dessert.

When they were halfway across the grassy parking lot, Andrew slowed their pace, and when he stopped, he turned her body toward his. His hands went to her cheeks, and he tilted her face up. “I really do.”

Honey pressed her fingers on top of his, her thumbs locking them in place. “I feel the same.”

As she stared into her boyfriend’s eyes, she saw something she had seen only once before. It had happened after a twenty-four-hour shift at the hospital, and as soon as he returned home, he had grabbed her in his arms and wouldn’t let her go. It was that initial look in his eyes, that desperation in his grip that Honey would never forget.

His grasp now didn’t have as much intensity, but his gaze did. And when her hands dropped to his chest, she could feel his heart beating as fast as hers.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He had just come off a fifteen-hour shift, so Honey was surprised he had wanted to drive over forty-five minutes to get something to eat.

Andrew slowly brought his lips down to Honey’s, and he gently kissed her. When he eventually pulled away, he continued to hold her, his gaze deepening.

She didn’t know how long they’d been standing there in silence when she felt the first drop of rain. It hit her forehead, a second one landing on her ear. The drips began to get larger, coming down more frequently, the smell of mud rising in the air.

Still, they didn’t move.

Andrew’s hand was now slick on her face, the drips running over his fingers. “I want to tell you something, and I want you to believe me.”

The emotion wasn’t in his grip this time; it was in his voice instead, and Honey felt like her heart was going to explode from the sound of it.

“Okay.”

“I’ll never hurt you.”

She couldn’t imagine what it was like to look at death every day. How difficult it would be to try and save someone, your efforts not being enough. How challenging it would be to then return home and try to put it all behind you.

Honey didn’t know if Andrew’s last shift at the hospital had prompted him to do this. She didn’t know if it was just something he was feeling and had to say it at that moment.

But as the rain poured down even harder, she stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. Then, she replied, “I promise to never hurt you,” before she kissed him.

TWENTY-TWO

BILLIE

“BILLIE!” I heard Jared yell when the noise and the movement stopped. “Billie, answer me!”

I groaned.

That was all I could do while everything inside me was screaming—my bones, muscles, skin. Even my hair.

I had to be alive.

Death … would be pain-free.

“Are you hurt?”

I went to open my mouth to make sure I could still do that. Except it was already open, and air was coming in and out so fast, but it didn’t actually feel like I was breathing. It felt like I was holding my breath.

“Let me out,” I gasped.

Wherever this was, it was a hot, dark place, and all I could taste was blood. The thick metal flavor was enough to make me gag.

A massive weight suddenly lifted off the back of my neck and shoulders and the top of my head. It was as though a blanket had been covering me.

A heavy one.

One that looked like Jared.

“Tell me you’re all right,” he said, his hands running over me like he was giving me an X-ray.

I couldn’t keep up with his speed.

I couldn’t process his question.

“Billie …”

“I’m alive.”

It was all I could think.

All I knew.

Except I wasn’t even entirely sure it was true.

“We have to get off this plane,” he said.

The plane.