Mine.10HelenaThe next morning, we’re eating breakfast on the small terrace off our room. It’s early but the city is already abuzz.
“Will you take me there? I’ve always wanted to see it.”
“It’s overrun with tourists. I’ll take you when it’s quieter.”
“I don’t mind the tourists.” I bite into a croissant.
Sebastian runs his hand through his still wet hair and pours himself a second cup of coffee.
“I’ll take you. Just not right now.”
I want to ask why, but I have other questions today. “Okay.”
I finish my juice and set the glass down.
“Why did Lucinda do what she did? Kidnap me? Leave like she did? I don’t understand that. Why not just wait for the year to be up? Do what she wanted to do to me then? When it came to Ethan’s turn.”
“Because Ethan wasn’t ever going to get you.”
I’m momentarily stunned into silence.
“I don’t understand. Isn’t that the rule?” I ask.
“Ethan isn’t my father’s son.”
“What?”
“What I said. That’s why I went to Verona. I had final confirmation then. I didn’t want to use it if I didn’t have to. Ethan’s more fragile than you think. I told you that already.”
“What happened to him?” I remember how afraid of Sebastian he was. How he wouldn’t touch me for fear of him.
“After Lucinda’s discipline sessions, I used to take the boat out. A canoe I used to have. I always just went out on my own to deal with it. I didn’t want her to see what she did to me. How it impacted me. I didn’t want to see anyone and I didn’t want anyone to see me.”
He takes a minute, and I wait.
“Well, the beatings got worse after my father died. Not that he did much to stop them when he was alive, but they got worse. When I was sixteen, there was a particularly bad one. I still have scars from that one. I was ashamed. And by this time, pissed as fuck. So I invited Ethan on the boat with me.”
He shakes his head, runs his hand through his hair and is looking off like he’s seeing it again. Like he’s back there on that canoe.
“Ethan wasn’t always shitty. I mean, he was a lot of the time, but not always. Lucinda spoiled him, doted on him. Led him to believe he was a king. But he wasn’t. And after my father’s death, as soon as I came of age, she knew I’d take over the family. She knew her rein was fast ending. I sometimes wonder if she didn’t want to kill me outright. But that’s a whole other story.”
There’s another, longer pause.
“Anyway, Ethan joined me on the canoe and I rowed us out. I don’t like to think what my intention was.”
He gets up, walks into the room, keeps his back to me.
I get up too, go to him. I think I know where this story is going.
“You were a child, Sebastian.”
“No, Helena. He was a child. I was sixteen. Old enough to know better.”
He sits down on the edge of the bed.
“You don’t have to tell me the rest.”
“I want to. I’ve never actually told the story and I should. I own it.”
I sit beside him, watch him.
“Ethan wasn’t a strong swimmer. I think he was afraid of water, but never could admit it. So, when we were out there, too far from the island for anyone to see us, I tipped the canoe.”
He looks down at his lap for a minute before looking back up to me.
“I watched him struggle. I watched him sink. Watched him reach for me.” He shakes his head, looks at the floor. “I watched his eyes close as he stopped struggling. By time I pulled him up, he’d gone too long without oxygen. The damage was irreversible.”
“Oh, God.”
He stands, shakes his head. “No, Helena, there is no god. No god would allow these things to happen. Not to Ethan. Not to you. Not to my mother. Not to all the Willow Girls who came before.”
I go to him, touch his face, make him look at me. “You were sixteen years old and you were abused.”
“I knew what I was doing. I knew exactly what I was doing. Ethan was innocent.” He looks away again. “So now you know why he’s so afraid of me. What I’m capable of. I think some part of him, some subconscious part, knows. Remembers.”
He pulls away, straightens. Takes a deep breath in and a moment later, he’s himself again. Like he’s shoved this other part of him into some box and closed and locked the lid.
“But there’s still Gregory to deal with. He is blood and he has a right to you.”* * *Sebastian is somber when we return to the island.
The other boat is already docked, and I wonder where Gregory is. If what Sebastian said is true, that he went to find someone to fuck last night. I don’t know why that bothers me.