She drew in a shaky breath. “Okay,” she whispered.
He pulled back and pushed right back in over and over until the slow rhythm built into something more. Faster. Harder. Desperate.
With each passing second, one muscle at a time, she relaxed—surrendered—until she no longer recognized where her body ended and his began. He slowed his movements and untied her ankles. Then he leaned forward and released her hands. She hesitated.
“Now … trust yourself,” he whispered, pulling her body up to his.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and he kissed her. He trusted her. Their two bodies moved as one, both finding control in absolute surrender.
She felt a tinge of panic again as another orgasm approached the brink. “I-I’m close. What if—”
“I’ve got you—I’ll always have you.” He kissed her with complete abandon as their walls of resistance came crashing down with sweet relief—sweet surrender.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Knight
Lilith hadn’t had much sun, but her cheeks were flushed a nice rosy red. Jillian poured her another glass of tea and handed it to her.
“Oh … thank you.” She smiled and blinked for what seemed like the first time in over an hour.
“You’re blushing.”
Lilith fanned herself with her hand. “Why, yes I am. It might have something to do with your very steamy story.”
Jillian smiled. “What Luke and I had was … not of this world.” The memories were painful, but they owned so much of her heart, without them she’d feel like an empty shell.
“So he cured you of your ways?”
“Hmm, so it seemed at the time. He taught me how to trust myself, but later I found out that trust was contingent on him. Without him, I’ve sort of … lost it.” Jillian frowned.
“Maybe Sarge needs to tie you up.” Lilith winked.
Jillian twisted her lips to the side. “No. I don’t trust myself around AJ for good reasons. However, I have been trying to channel Luke when I’m with AJ.”
Lilith’s eyes widened.
Jillian smirked. “That sounds bad. I know. Luke’s voice in my head calms me. I can’t completely let my guard down with AJ, but I’ve been trying to control myself … my reaction. Basically having an appropriate reaction to him, which is hard because AJ and his PTSD are unpredictable.”
“Oh, has it been getting worse?”
“No. Well, I can’t say for sure. It feels like his migraines have been more frequent and sometimes his mood is all over the place, but that’s the only AJ I’ve ever known so I’m not really the best judge.”
Lilith nodded in thought. “He’s lucky to have you.”
Jillian smiled. “It goes both ways.”
*
Jillian arrived home to her dear brother working at an obsessive pace trying to figure out who sent her that text. It pissed him off that Knox dismissed its possible threat. A lot of things about Knox pissed him off.
“Everything is a fucking dead end.”
“Maybe it was sent to me by mistake. You know, wrong number,” she murmured as she sent AJ a text.
Jillian: Still on for dinner tonight?
She’d texted him earlier about grabbing dinner before her Lascivio party.
“The average person doesn’t have an untraceable number. Even private numbers are easy to break if you know what you’re doing.”
AJ: Dinner?
Jillian: Yes … we agreed on Thai.
AJ: Right, sorry. Long day.
Jillian: Coming home soon?
AJ: Yes, see you in an hour.
Jillian: OK
“Well, I’m going to dinner with AJ tonight. I think you should come with us. You need to get out and shut your brain down for a few hours.”
“No thanks. I’m too on edge. He’ll look at you the wrong way and piss me off. It’s better if I don’t witness your fucked-up relationship any more than I have to.”
“Real nice, Jack. Speaking of fucked-up relationships … how is Sesame Street girl?”
“That’s over.” Jackson kept pounding the keys to his laptop.
“Sorry to hear that. What happened? Did she want to enhance Mr. Snuffelupagus with Play-Doh? Or did you screw her mom on Black Beauty?”
Jackson looked up. “First, you haven’t seen Mr. Snuffelupagus since we were like … five. If you had then you’d know there’s no way in hell I need enhancement in that department. Second, I have a little more respect than having sex on my piano.”
“Respect for your piano, not the woman, right?”
“Yep.”
“Typical. I’m going to shower before AJ gets home. Guess you’re on your own for dinner tonight.”
“Greta gave me a standing invite to dinner, or any meal for that matter, at her house. And she can seriously cook.”
Jillian shut the bathroom door. “Yeah, yeah … so I’ve heard,” she grumbled to herself.
She stepped into the hot shower letting it rain over her head while closing her eyes. It had been months since she’d let herself remember that day with Luke—the bed, the ropes, the most emotional sex she’d ever had. The first time in her life she made love.
Letting her hand slide between her legs, she replayed the way he touched her body. They spent hours in her bed, indulging in every part of each other. It was raw carnal need. It was sex. It was the most beautiful destiny. It was a worshipping love … a once-in-a-lifetime love. She leaned back against the wall and let a soft moan escape as she had one last orgasm for Luke.