“No. She left her phone here. Symbolically, it’s the biggest fuck off she’s ever given me.”
Ryn brushed her lips against his a few times before kissing the corner of his mouth. “I didn’t love AJ and I flipped out. You’re going to have to give her time and space to grieve, not only AJ’s death but also the trust she had in you.”
Jackson wasn’t sure if Jillian would ever forgive him. She left having hit a new level of rock-bottom in her life. He had to believe a spark of life would eventually resurrect her. He used to be that spark, but he was no longer.
His hands slid up the back of her shirt. “Don’t go.”
“I have to.”
He let her wriggle out of his hold, righting her shirt when she stood. It was for the best. He needed an outlet and if she stayed, her body would’ve been that outlet. It took considerable strength to not bend her over Black Beauty and fuck her into another dimension. But he knew that would not sate him. He would physically break her before his own body reached the exhaustion it needed to calm his nerves and numb his worries.
“Drive safely.”
“You okay?” She cupped the side of his neck. Her fingers played with the hair at his nape. “Your pulse is racing?”
Jackson swallowed then cleared his throat. “You’re touching me. My dick is hard with a racing pulse as well. You’ve got ten seconds to get your sexy ass out of here before I have you face-down ass-up on my piano.” He gave her a cocky grin to hide the dim reality of his true intentions.
Ryn’s eyes widened a fraction before settling into their own smile that matched lips he imagined wrapped around the aforementioned pulsing erection. She needed to leave. Stat.
“We’ll do face-down ass-up another day.” She winked, blowing him a kiss as she headed toward the door.
Jackson forced out a hard breath after the door clicked shut. He needed to run ten miles, burn out every muscle group, and figure out a way to tell Ryn everything.
Chapter Eight
Jones
Only one thing remained for Luke to do in his lifetime: find Jessica. Even if it took a hundred lifetimes, he would never stop looking for her.
On his way to meet Gabe for a jog, he ran into Charlie in the lobby of his building. The timing could not have been worse. His list of fires to extinguish included a sincere apology to her, just not at that exact moment.
“Luke, hi.” The forgiveness in Charlie’s smile twisted the growing knot of guilt in his stomach.
Charlie was kind and genuine, a real catch for any man. Luke wasn’t any man. He belonged to Jessica and she belonged to him. Not even death could change something as certain as that.
“Charlie, this … God, this is the worst time for me, but—”
“Are you okay?” The touch of her hand on his arm continued to feed the guilt monster. “My God, I was so worried about you.”
There was no easy way to tell her he didn’t have time for more than a five-second explanation of his behavior that seemed to be carefully monitored by people willing to kill to keep their identities protected. The I-was-abducted-by-aliens explanation seemed like a bad choice, but it really was as close to the truth as he could get.
“I owe you an apology the size of the state in which I abandoned you, but I’m meeting someone in a few minutes.”
Her shoulders turned inward as she looked at her feet.
“There’s nothing I can say to make what happened okay. I can’t even explain it myself. I just …”
“You got cold feet.” She looked up at him with blue eyes and long dark lashes that matched the color of her chin-length hair.
He had to be an asshole, but not by choice. Honesty put too many lives at risk. Had he not seen Jessica, Luke would have taken the next step with Charlie, an enormous step away from his past and the woman who should have been his wife.
“Yes. I got cold feet. My past won’t let me go. I’m so sorry. If you hate me, I wouldn’t blame you.”
Charlie blinked away her tears. “If she was as wonderful as you remember, she’d want you to move on.”
Luke returned a slow nod as Charlie leaned up and kissed him on the corner of his mouth. Every instinct told him to pull back, but it was a goodbye and she deserved that.
“I hope she lets you live your life someday.” Charlie walked out of his building and his life.
Taking time to sort out his feelings about her and what he could have said differently was not a luxury he had with Gabe waiting. He jogged to Pier Three where Gabe stood with a what-took-you-so-long look distorting his face.