“Honestly, it’s amazing. I’m the youngest…” He began a string of conversation that Joss had trouble focusing on.
She narrowed her eyes, trying hard to listen to the words coming from his mouth. It wasn’t that Nick’s dreams didn’t matter to her. She had madly loved this guy, or so she’d thought at the time. She was glad that things had worked out for him. But now, having had some distance from Nick, she found the whole conversation so materialistic, it bored her to death.
When Nick had finally stopped speaking, Joss smiled. “That’s great. I’m happy things worked out for you.” And even happier I’m no longer yours.
The song blasting through the speakers switched to something a bit harder, and a man began belting it out behind her, as Nick studied her. “You seem so different.” He crossed his thin arms, giving her a thorough once-over as if she were his to examine. “I can’t tell what it is. Is it your hair?”
“No.” It’s my body. It’s my soul. “Nope, same old hair, same old me.” And that old her hadn’t been enough for him.
Now things were different, she guessed. She realized that for a long time, she’d thought maybe she wasn’t enough. That if she’d been better or done things differently, he would’ve been happier with her. She mentally slapped herself upside the head. There wasn’t a damn thing wrong with her.
Though, as she watched him look at her with a blank expression as if he didn’t know her at all, she realized there wasn’t anything wrong with him either. They were two people who’d once shared a lot in common until their lives took two different paths. She didn’t hate Nick, she discovered. In fact, she found that she felt some tenderness toward him. He’d claimed her innocence, and that would always be special between them. She’d shared her teens and early twenties with him. But there was someone else who’d dominated her mind during her mid-twenties. Year twenty-four to twenty-five to be exact.
Nick’s mouth began to move, but her mind was stuck elsewhere. On Maddox. He’d altered the course of her life, making her care less about Nick and more about what she needed to be happy. He’d kept his promises. He’d always been upfront with her. He’d helped her explore a new side of herself that she didn’t even know. He accepted her for who she was, and didn’t shame her for all the things she wasn’t.
Being with him was easy and fun. Uncomplicated.
She turned, looking for the man who hadn’t ripped her heart apart and tossed her away as if she didn’t matter. By the bar, she found Grey staring at the pub’s front door, drinking his beer and shaking his head, but she couldn’t find Maddox in the crowd.
“Joss.”
“Huh?” She snapped her head forward, finding Nick frowning at her.
“I asked if you’re seeing anyone,” he said.
“I…” No, I’m not, nearly escaped her mouth but that felt wrong. What she had with Maddox seemed far more intense than what she’d had with Nick, and they were together six years.
And that was confusing.
“You what?” Nick asked, waving her on impatiently.
“I have to go.” She turned and strode away, hearing Nick call out to her. But he wasn’t who mattered. Not anymore.
She scanned the crowd again, unable to see Maddox anywhere. Instead, she found Emilia and Troy standing near the pool tables by Jeremy Walsh, the man being celebrated tonight. “Where’s Maddox?” she asked Emilia when she reached her.
“I don’t know,” Emilia said, glancing around. “I haven’t seen him since we first came in here.”
Being so tall, Troy easily scanned the area. “I don’t see him.”
Her stomach roiled, and she wasn’t exactly sure why, only knowing that something was very wrong.
Emilia’s fingers suddenly gripped Joss’s arm. “Are you okay?” she asked.
The hairs on the back of Joss’s neck stood up, coldness invading her body. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I…I’ll be right back,” she said, and with steps that seemed to take a lifetime, she moved toward Grey at the bar.
He noticed her approaching and gave her a gentle smile when she reached him, before answering her unasked question, “He’s gone.”
“Maddox left?” she asked to be sure.
Grey nodded. “Yup.” He grinned and winked. “Not that I don’t love hanging with cops all the time, but now that Maddox has stood me up, I’ll be on my way, too. Would you like me to send a message to Maddox for you?”