Alaric frowned. “I don’t like leaving you alone, Ewan.”
“We’re far enough onto our land now. I have need for some time alone with my wife. We’ll be along in a while. Go ahead and announce that I’m bringing her safely home.”
With reluctance, Alaric and Caelen rode ahead. Their pace picked up as they started down the mountain toward the last stretch home. Soon the others followed suit, spurring their mounts to a gallop and then a run.
Shouts filled the air. Whoops and cries of triumph filled Ewan’s ears, and he couldn’t help but smile. But when he looked down at Mairin, her eyes were troubled and filled with grief.
His heart turned over and he closed his eyes as he prepared to hear of all that Duncan had done to her. A part of him didn’t want to know. He wanted to forget it—wanted her to forget it—so they could put it solidly in the past. But he also knew she’d have need of telling it, so she could rid her system of the poison Cameron had inflicted.
He got down from his horse and then reached up to gently take her from the saddle. He carried her to a patch of thick grass that was warmed by the sun. He sat down on the ground and nestled her firmly into his arms.
He could scarcely credit that they were on his lands and she was back in his arms. The last week had been a test of his endurance. At his lowest point, he wondered if he’d ever see her again. He never wanted his faith tested in such a manner again.
“I did a terrible thing,” she choked out.
Ewan pulled back in surprise, his brow furrowed in confusion. “What are you speaking of?”
“I agreed. God help me, I agreed to a devil’s bargain in order to keep our child safe. I was disloyal to you, Ewan, for I vowed I’d lie and support Duncan’s claim in exchange for our child’s life.”
Ewan swallowed back his own grief at the desperation in her voice. “Shh,” he whispered. “I’ll never believe for a moment that you were sloyalyal to me.”
Pain filled Mairin’s eyes. “He wanted to make me miscarry our child. He was going to force me to drink a potion. I would have said and done anything to save our baby. I convinced him that if I miscarried, as far along as I was, that there was a chance I wouldn’t bear another child. I convinced him that the logical thing to do was to carry on the avowal that it was his child, for as long as I delivered a child, he would control Neamh Álainn regardless whose babe it was. He agreed, but even then I was afraid to eat or sleep because I worried he’d go back on his word and eliminate our baby.”
Ewan gathered her in his arms and rocked her back and forth, his eyes closed at the terror she’d lived in. No wonder she was so thin. She hadn’t eaten for fear she’d lose her child. His child.
“Your brilliance amazes me, lass. To have thought of a solution so quickly. I’m humbled by your courage and daring. No child could have a fiercer mother. Our son or daughter will be blessed beyond measure.”
She stared up at him, hope lighting her eyes for the first time. “You aren’t angry?”
“How could I be angry at a woman who’d sacrifice everything to keep my child from harm?”
“Oh, Ewan,” she whispered. And then her eyes clouded again and she looked down.
He nudged her chin upward with a tender gesture. “What is it?”
“I agreed to be his wife. I agreed to never deny him.” She closed her eyes as tears slipped in silvery trails down her cheeks.
For a moment Ewan didn’t breathe. He couldn’t imagine such a sacrifice. His chest ached as he finally sucked air into his lungs. But if she could find the courage to tell him all, he would find the courage to hear it. “Tell me, sweeting. Did he … Did he hurt you?”
The words spilled painfully from his lips. His throat threatened to close at what he imagined she might have endured.
“I … I vomited on him the first time he tried. I blamed it on my pregnancy, but it was God’s truth the idea of him bedding me made me ill. Afterward he seemed afraid I’d repeat the insult so he stayed away from me.”
Ewan’s relief was so great that it made him light-headed. He gathered her in his arms and held on, just absorbing the feel of her in his grasp after so many weeks. And then he chuckled, the image of her retching all over Cameron amusing him to no end.
She looked up at him, her eyes shining so brightly that he lost himself in the deep pools. The light dimmed for a moment and she frowned.
“Ewan, what about the dowry? Is it lost to us forever?”
Ewan sighed. “It was awarded to Cameron. I’ve no doubt that he’ll receive it whether you’re in residence or not. Archibald, and possibly the king himself, is in league with Cameron.”
Tears filled her eyes and she hung her head. “Everything you married me for hasn’t come to pass. Our clan needs food and clothing. Our soldiers need supplies. We have need of repairs. How are we going to survive, Ewan?”
He caught her face between his hands and stared down into her eyes. “You are everything to me, Mairin. I can go without food. The keep can crumble. But I can’t live without you. We’ll make it. We’ve always made it. Somehow we’ll see it through. But I cannot live my life without you. If the dowry never comes to pass. If we never claim Neamh Álainn. As long as I have you, lass. As long as I have you.”
She threw herself around him and hugged him until he couldn’t breathe. Her body shook as tears slipped down his neck. He didn’t chide her, though, because it was God’s truth he wanted to cry himself.