Yes. Dear God, yes, she thought, misery gripping her. That’s exactly what she hoped.
“Mom?
“He shut the door, Cait.”
“Mom, talk to him!”
She heard his voice. His cruelty. Even if you don’t give a damn about me, make some effort to think about your daughter and my son, will you? And a little less about yourself?
“No,” she said. “No.”
* * *
“SO, WHAT’D YOU SAY TO HER?” Trevor leaned against the doorjamb, blocking the exit from the kitchen.
Hateful things. Richard’s gut knotted when he remembered. The look on Molly’s face… A look he’d put there. Eyes closed, he squeezed the bridge of his nose until the cartilage creaked. “I was angry.”
“Why?” Trev sounded genuinely puzzled. “I mean, I wasn’t sure I liked the idea, but now that I’ve thought about it I think it might be good. Instead of always wondering, you know, Cait and I won’t have to. Because he’ll be part of our family.” He hesitated. “I guess you didn’t want another kid.”
Richard was ashamed that he hadn’t even thought it out that thoroughly. It had honestly never occurred to him that keeping the baby, for either him or Molly, was an option. No, in general he wouldn’t have said he wanted to start a new family. But if he’d married Molly, in the normal course of events, and she’d desperately wanted a baby—would he have been willing?
Maybe, he thought, then had to suppress a groan. Yeah, probably. He guessed there’d been a fear factor for him. He’d loved his kids desperately, and had lost them. He wasn’t sure he could survive a loss like that again.
But he’d just suffered one, anyway, and it was his own fault. He hadn’t known he could love a woman as much as he did Molly. He didn’t even know why her, why now. It was, that’s all. And he’d gone over to her house and told her she was so selfish, to get what she wanted she was willing to hurt everyone else, including her own daughter.
His stomach heaved and he turned away from Trevor to face the kitchen sink. In case.
“I said unforgivable things,” he said dully.
“Cait said maybe she could talk her mom into getting another job and moving away, so you don’t have to see the baby.”
Bracing his hands on the counter, Richard swallowed back another surge of nausea. “No,” he managed to say. “I don’t want that.”
“But you hate the idea. And…you might run into her sometimes. Wow. What if I want to spend time with my kid?”
My kid. Trevor had moved from terror and rebellion to a full sense of responsibility and even emotional acceptance, while his father… God. While I told Molly—in Cait’s hearing—that keeping our grandchild would torture all of us.
How could I say that? Mean it, even for one, enraged minute?
Richard didn’t know.
“This really sucks!” Trevor paced across the kitchen and back, his steps agitated. “Things were good. It’s me that messed them up. Again.”
“No.” God help me. “I did that all by myself.”
“If I hadn’t told you. If Ms. Callahan had come to you herself.”
“If she’d come to me and said, ‘I’ve decided to keep the baby, and Cait and Trevor have agreed’?” Richard shook his head. “It wouldn’t have made any difference, Trevor. I thought…” Damn, this was hard to say. His throat and tongue weren’t cooperating. “I thought we had an understanding. We weren’t engaged yet…”
“Because of me,” his son said desperately.
“Partly,” he conceded. “Partly we just hadn’t gotten there yet. But we had gotten far enough that, if she felt the same about me as I do about her, she should have talked to me. And that’s the bottom line. She wouldn’t have cut me out like this if she had been thinking marriage. Seems I was kidding myself.”
Trev stared at him with wide, shocked eyes. “But…shouldn’t you talk to her?”
Richard grunted and ran a hand over his face. “I think I’ve done enough talking,” he said, and held up a hand when Trevor’s mouth opened. “Then and now.”
He stepped into the utility room, started the washing machine and began dumping dirty clothes in heedlessly.
Irritatingly enough, the door opened behind him. “Uh, Dad?”
His shoulders tensed. Teeth gritted, he stuffed a pair of jeans in. Shit, he’d forgotten to put the laundry soap in first.
“I was wondering.”
“What?” Richard snapped.
“Well, I know I took off not that long ago. So maybe I haven’t earned driving privileges again.”