For a second almost as fleeting he felt ashamed, the way he had that day, and even angry. Then he got a grip. There was nothing wrong with the boys being Lia’s priority. And also…he knew damn well she was as aware of him as he was of her. She could pretend all she wanted, but she looked for him, too. She couldn’t help herself any more than he could.
And yeah, he’d hurt her if she let herself get involved with him. He wasn’t her type. He wouldn’t stay around. She needed a guy cut out to be a husband and father, not an emotionally scarred man who had no problem conjuring the faces of the dead, because he’d killed them.
He took his dishes to the sink. “So what’s it going to be, soccer or baseball?”
He let the boys squabble over which sport they’d play as he ushered them outside, wondering why he was so content spending half his days playing daddy when he didn’t actually want to be one.
* * *
LIA WAS IN TURMOIL when she returned to the incessant weeding and watering a huge garden required. She wished the two men would go away.
No, I don’t.
Yes, she did.
For one thing, the whole time she was out here she remained aware that Jeff was upstairs at the attic window, able to watch her if he felt inclined. She didn’t know if he did; she hadn’t gotten any sexual vibes from him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t bored enough to keep an eye on her anyway.
She was also aware of the voices on the other side of the house. Mostly the boys’ carried, high-pitched and excited. Occasionally she’d catch the deeper bass note of Conall’s reply.
How was it possible he could be so blasted good with two unhappy boys? She didn’t get it. Lia examined the possibility that she was jealous because Brendan and Walker were clearly more attached to Conall than they were to her. But she really thought she was being honest with herself when she concluded that didn’t bother her. She was glad they had him.
What upset her was that he was such an enigma. A man who, she sensed, didn’t let himself feel much attachment to other people. He had the murkiest depths of anyone she’d ever met, and that was saying something. Her own were less than crystalline.
She brooded as she thinned the new shoots of lettuce. Just listen to him out there, Lia thought indignantly. Being kind and funny and caring and domesticated. And yet he’d chosen a job that was exceedingly dangerous, undoubtedly violent and took him away from home—assuming he actually had one—for months at a time.
Did he die because he was sick, like Mom?
She heard Walker asking the question in all innocence and saw again the way Conall’s face had frozen. He was very, very good at wiping his expression clean, but not so good she hadn’t seen something, however fleeting, that had shocked her. He’d killed, she knew it. Probably ruthlessly, but not without conscience, or he wouldn’t be haunted by faces he didn’t want to remember.
Her hands went still and she frowned toward the fence, not really seeing it. He’d said a few things about being undercover. A person would have to be something of a chameleon to do that—to immerse himself in a role night and day with no weekends or holidays to shed the new skin. Appalled, she wondered if that was all he was doing here: assuming a suitable personality, sliding deftly into the role that would allow him to fit in the best. Dad.
Did he want her only because if he was dad, well, she was mom? The thought made her feel sick to her stomach.
“No,” she said aloud. “I don’t believe it.”
How could she be falling in love with him, when there was so much about him she didn’t know?
A strange, choked sound broke from her throat. A near sob. Her eyes were dry, but anguish clutched her.
Please let this be lust, curiosity… Anything but love. Conall didn’t only have a dangerous job. He was dangerous.
And he could entertain himself with the boys today. She would do her damnedest to avoid him.
* * *
LIA SUCCEEDED IN HAVING very little to do with either of her unwanted houseguests for a good part of a week. She absented herself for most of one day doing errands: bank, hardware store, grocery store, post office and farm co-op. Conall had agreed to keep an eye on Walker and Brendan. My DEA agent babysitter, Lia thought semi-hysterically.