Oh God, can I bear to say goodbye?
Like she had a choice.
She laid her cheek against Brendan’s head and told herself to count her blessings. He was safe. Finally, a boy curled up on each side, Lia slept, too.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
MOST OF THE day had gone by, and Lia had had no chance to talk alone to Conall. He’d been either next door or working on his laptop. Barely glancing up when she asked, he told her, “Reports. The bane of my existence.” She was aware of traffic coming and going next door—dark, official looking sedans and SUVs, and a couple of vans.
Having Conall and Jeff both sitting down to dinner with her and the kids was a novelty. Jeff was his usual quiet self until Lia asked if he’d called his wife.
His ordinary face brightened. “She’s thrilled. I’m not usually away this long.”
“Really?” Lia asked politely. “I thought DEA agents mostly did undercover stuff.”
He shook his head. “We’re involved in all facets of drug enforcement. For example, are you familiar with the Controlled Substances Act?”
Unseen by him, Conall rolled his eyes. One of the boys suppressed a giggle.
“Um, no,” Lia admitted.
He lectured them with unmistakable enthusiasm about DEA responsibility for overseeing the manufacture, distribution and dispensing of legally produced controlled substances, all of which sounded to her as if it had come right out of a pamphlet. “I’ve become more of an analyst in my office than an active agent, and I’m considering a switch to being an Intelligence Research Specialist,” he said. “Not quite as glamorous, but safer. Once you have a family, you know.” He shrugged.
Lia couldn’t imagine Conall being content as a research specialist. All that energy, contained in an office. He seemed hardly able to stand the several hours at a time he’d had to work on his computer and had admitted to being bored with the lengthy surveillance on this assignment. She remembered, though, his hesitation when she’d asked if he enjoyed the rush of adrenaline. What was it he said?
I always have.
There’d been something strange in his voice, though, as if he wasn’t quite sure about what he was saying.
No, she thought bleakly, don’t kid yourself. He’d said exactly what he meant. I always have was unequivocal.
After dinner, he announced that he and the boys would clean the kitchen. Happy as always with anything their hero suggested, Walker and Brendan jumped up and began clearing the table. Lia lingered over coffee, chatting with Jeff for a few minutes, then went out to give the horses their evening grain.
Neither of the men had said anything, but they didn’t have to.
They would be leaving tomorrow. Driving away in that gray Suburban and not coming back.
Her grief was growing like a tumor pressing on essential organs. How had she ever been stupid enough to think she could get involved with Conall and keep it light enough not to grieve when he left?
What if Sorrel decided next week she was ready to go home? And the boys’ caseworker called to announce that she’d found a potential adoptive home for them?
Almost gasping at the pain, Lia somehow wasn’t surprised when Conall separated himself from the shadows on the front porch and stood waiting for her.
“I thought we should talk,” he said quietly.
“Yes.” She sat on the first step, and after a moment’s hesitation he came down, leaning against the hand rail instead of sitting. “Tell me what Brendan saw,” Lia said.
“No bodies, thank God.”
That shook her, even though she’d suspected. “Were there bodies?”
“One.” He sounded terse. “I shot and killed one of the men.”
“Oh.”
“Duncan shot the guy that was holding Brendan, but Bren saw Sean cuffing him and knows he isn’t dead.”
“Does he know—”
“That one of them died?” He shook his head. “He heard the gunfire, but I was evasive. I thought it was better that he didn’t know.”
“Oh, God.” Lia squeezed her eyes shut. “Imagine if he thought he was responsible.”
“I’ve imagined,” Conall said, an indefinable something in his voice. “Steer him away from newspapers and TV news for the next couple of weeks if you can. We’ve managed to keep the kids out of it for now. But you’ve got to be aware that there’s always the chance Brendan will have to testify when it comes to trial.”