She didn’t think she was capable of further speech without bursting into tears, so she kept her mouth shut.
He closed the door behind him. A minute later, Beth heard the roar of his truck engine.
Only then did she let herself dissolve.
* * *
TONY DROVE A BLOCK and a half, then pulled over. With a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, he sat staring straight ahead through the windshield without seeing a damn thing. A part of him knew how stupid that was: cops couldn’t afford to be oblivious to their surroundings.
He’d done what he had to, he told himself. He and Beth, they were a nightmare waiting to happen. Already stretched beyond his limits, he’d have acquired another brother, another sister, a father-in-law. Before he knew it, Beth would have been rushing to his sisters’ sides, too, every time one called. That’s how she was made. Their own plans, their own lives would always come in second.
This was why he should never marry. Getting involved with Beth, he’d violated his own rules. He’d been perilously close to falling in love with her. The terror he’d felt when he got the call saying she was hospitalized after the assault…he never wanted to feel anything like that again.
An unwelcome voice in his head murmured, You’re not going to feel the same when this guy goes after her again?
He rapped his forehead on the steering wheel a few times, which only served to re-ignite his headache. He’d left her alone. If he waited another few minutes, kept his eye on his side mirror, he’d be able to see her car turning out of the alley. After all, Emily needed her.
It was too late to go to church—not that he thought the service would help him untangle this ugly knot of conflicted feelings. He could still go to the family dinner. He’d make his mother happy.
Sure. He’d also add to her certainty that she could guilt him into obedience.
No.
Okay, what about driving out to the lake on his own? Too bad the idea now held zero appeal. He felt alone enough without pretending to have fun in the midst of hundreds of other people.
Swearing, he stayed where he was until he saw Beth’s car turn onto the street, just as he’d expected. Then he pulled a U-turn to follow her, hanging well back.
Her sister’s apartment building was crap, but Beth would be less than thrilled if he appeared to escort her in. So all he did was pull up close to the entrance, roll his window down and listen.
Nobody screamed.
Now what? Did he sit here for hours, while she consoled the spoiled brat? Shit, he’d roast in the truck. And tomorrow…tomorrow he had to work. He couldn’t stake out her townhouse or follow wherever she went.
Jaw painfully tight, he drove away. Beth was smart. She wouldn’t do anything like stand outside in the dark again. He hoped like hell she wouldn’t go out after dark at all. Although he wished she had an alarm system, the dead bolt locks on both exterior doors were good ones. The biggest windows faced a busy street. Only a fool would break in that way. The utility room window was too small for a man to squeeze through. Her kitchen window, looking out at the parking area in back, was the one that made him nervous. Breaking glass might alert a neighbor, though, depending on how well-insulated the units were.
He drove into his own garage and walked into the house. The air was hot and still. Looking around, he felt eerily as if he hadn’t been here in weeks, when in fact he’d mowed the lawn and showered here yesterday. Tony used the air-conditioning units as seldom as possible, but he turned both on now, dumped his duffel on his bed and stuck the lunch in the refrigerator. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to eat the sandwiches Beth had made such a short time ago, the cookies she was afraid to eat because her mother had convinced her she was fat.
Tony prowled the house, finally persuading himself to grab a beer and turn on the TV to watch a Mariners game. He’d had a six-pack in the fridge for weeks. Given that he wasn’t much of a drinker, he could get pretty drunk if he guzzled them all. For once, the idea held a lot of appeal, but he knew he wouldn’t. What if Beth needed him?
Resting his head on the back of the couch, he gave a mirthless laugh at the irony. He’d just ditched the woman because he didn’t want one more person to need him but, if she called, he’d tear out of here like a crazy man.