“You did what you had to. He deserved to die.” I wished I could have killed him, not just because I wanted each and every single Bratva fucker to suffer as much as possible but also because I didn’t want Aria to be burdened with death.
“There’s not one of us who doesn’t deserve death. We probably deserve it more than most,” Aria whispered.
“You are good, Aria. You are innocent. I forced you into this.” How could she compare herself to me? She didn’t know what I’d done, what I enjoyed doing. She had killed to protect someone she loved. I killed for many reasons, few of them noble or altruistic.
“You didn’t, Luca. I was born into this world. I chose to stay in this world. Being born into our world means being born with blood on your hands. With every breath we take, sin is engraved deeper into our skin.”
“You don’t have a choice. There’s no way to escape our world. You didn’t have a choice in marrying me either. If you’d let that bullet kill me, you would have at least escaped our marriage.”
She wouldn’t have been free because freedom didn’t exist in our world, but Matteo wouldn’t have forced her to marry again.
“There are few good things in our world, Luca, and if you find one, you cling to it with all your might. You are one of those good things in my life.”
My chest swelled with love. “I’m not good.”
“You’re not a good man, no. But you are good for me. I feel safe in your arms. I don’t know why, I don’t even know why I love you, but I do, and that won’t change.”
I had to close my eyes against the fierce emotion in her expression. “Love is a risk in our world, and a weakness a Capo can’t afford.” I’d believed in those words all my life. I should still believe in them if I wanted to be an invincible Capo.
“I know,” Aria whispered miserably.
I looked at her. Didn’t she know? Couldn’t she see? “But I don’t care, because loving you is the only pure thing in my life.”
Aria’s eyes filled with tears and incredulity. “You love me?”
“Yes, even if I shouldn’t. If my enemies knew how much you meant to me, they’d do anything to get their hands on you, to hurt me through you, to control me by threatening you. The Bratva will try again, and others will too. When I became a Made Man, I swore to put the Famiglia first, and I reinforced that same oath when I became a Capo dei Capi even though I knew I was lying. My first choice should always be the Famiglia.”
Aria watched me with parted lips as if she didn’t trust her ears.
“But you are my first choice, Aria. I’ll burn down the world if I have to. I’ll kill and maim and blackmail. I’ll do anything for you.” She couldn’t possibly fathom what I’d do for her, the length I’d go to protect her. The Russian fucker today had gotten a taste and anyone else who dared to insult or hurt her would end the same way. “Maybe love is a risk, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take and, as you said, it’s not a choice. I never thought I would, never thought I could love someone like that, but I fell in love with you. I fought it. It’s the first battle I didn’t mind losing.”
Aria wrapped her arms around me, her tears falling onto my neck. She twitched with a whimper when her shoulder bumped against me. I withdrew slowly, worried about hurting her. “You need to rest. Your body needs to heal.”
I gently pushed her down until she lay back, but she dug her fingers into my biceps. She peered up at me through her lashes. “I don’t want to rest. I want to make love to you.”
My eyes darted down to her beautiful legs then back to her pleading face. I wanted nothing more than to be as close to Aria as possible, but she was injured. “I’m going to hurt you. Your stitches could rip open.”
Aria caressed my chest then my stomach until her fingers reached the growing bulge in my pants. I stifled a groan when she began rubbing me lightly.
Her expression turned teasing. “He agrees with me.”
“He always does, but he’s not the voice of reason, believe me,” I muttered.
Aria laughed only to flinch a moment later.
She was in pain. “That’s what I mean.”
“Please. I want to make love to you. I’ve wanted this for a long time.” Her begging broke down my resolve piece by piece.
“I’ve always made love to you, Aria,” I admitted. The feelings I hadn’t understood in the beginning and fought later, they had been there when I’d taken Aria’s virginity. It was the first time I’d made love, and Aria would always be the only woman I’d make love to.