Fragile Longing

“I’m coming,” he warned.

I didn’t pull back. I clung to him, and when he finally erupted in my mouth, I was so distracted by his passion-ridden face that I hardly minded the taste. I didn’t dare moving. I wanted him to savor the moment and marveled at the spasms that took hold of him. He watched me the entire time as I swallowed, his expression burning up with desire.

After that, it was my turn to relax on my towel with Danilo’s head buried between my legs. A midnight swim cooled us both off and afterward we settled on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

Danilo leaned in, his voice low, “I think I’m falling for you, Sofia. More every day I spend with you.”

I’d been waiting to hear those words for years but now that he said them all I could think about was if his feelings were already stronger than the ones he’d had for my sister. I’d thought I had put the past to rest but this one thing kept rearing its ugly head.

“What about Serafina?”

His brows crashed together. “Serafina? Why would you ask about her when I told you I was falling for you?”

I gave him a look. He really didn’t know? I sat up, hating myself for bringing her up, but at the same time unable to put her out of my mind. Danilo sat up as well and cradled my face, forcing me to look at him.

“Sofia, what can I do so you’d stop comparing yourself to your sister? It’s been years.”

“Stop loving my sister, stop living with the regret of losing her.”

Danilo shook his head. “I told you I never loved your sister. I didn’t know her. I wanted her like a crow wants to possess a shiny piece of jewelry. I can’t deny I regretted losing her for the longest time, but it wasn’t because of my feelings for her. It was because of my hatred for Remo Falcone. I’ll never not want to kill that man.”

“You’re the proudest man I know.”

“I am, and that’s my greatest sin. Considering everything I’ve done, that says a lot, Sofia.” His eyes softened as he stroked my cheek. “I care about you, Sofia, and I’m falling for you. Maybe I already . . .” He sighed. Had he almost said he loved me? “I’m a cautious man when it comes to emotions. But believe me when I tell you that I’ve never loved another woman, not your sister and not anyone else.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Reclining on his shoulder, I whispered, “Then why did you really sleep with all those blonde women? And don’t tell me it’s because you like blondes because you definitely didn’t like me with blonde hair.”

“I hated it,” Danilo said without hesitation, his fingers playing with a strand of my hair. “I love your hair color. It’s beautiful. When I saw you in blonde, it looked all wrong.”

“Because I looked like a bad replica of my sister,” I guessed.

Danilo gave me a strange look. “If that’s how you want to put it. You reminded me of your sister, yes.”

Maybe I’d hoped he’d deny it, but I was glad he was being honest with me. “But you didn’t want to be reminded because it hurt too much, and you wanted her back and I wasn’t her.”

Danilo cupped my face. “No, that’s not it. I hated being reminded of your sister when I looked at you because I hated your sister. Whatever I might have felt for her once—and it wasn’t love—had turned ugly and dark. I didn’t want to feel hatred every time I looked at you. I didn’t want to be reminded of your sister’s actions when I was with you. Having Serafina’s appearance thrown at me like that threw me completely.”

“But if it’s only hatred you felt and if you didn’t want to be reminded of her, why did you seek out blonde women?”

He grimaced. “I’m not proud of it. You remember how I was with you when you wore that blonde wig?”

I nodded, even if I’d tried to forget it.

“I was being a selfish asshole with those blonde girls, seeking them for angry sex. I didn’t treat them right, not like I wanted to treat you, and when I fucked them it was to release some of that anger. It was messed up. I’m fucking messed up, but in some way, it felt like I was paying your sister back.”

I tilted my head, trying to understand his reasoning. I didn’t really understand it. But my actions hadn’t always been logical, either. I still cringed when I thought of dyeing my hair blonde to look like Serafina, as if by changing my hair color I could become her, replace her.

“I guess we both had some issues to work through.”