Fragile Longing

Anna shrugged. “So what? Let them. You don’t have to be afraid of that comparison, Sofia. You are fucking gorgeous. People are looking at you because of that fact and not because they’re comparing you to your sister. She’s been gone for so long. She ran off with the enemy. Nobody gives a fuck about her anymore.”

“Leonas’s influence on you is obvious,” I said with a laugh.

“He’d like to think it’s his doing that I’m using the F-word so often. But I’m just doing it to annoy Santino, and it’s kind of stuck.”

I rolled my eyes. “What’s been going on between the two of you?”

Anna made a dismissive gesture. “Let’s not get into that today. This is your day.”

I searched her eyes. She was keeping something from me. “How did you get rid of your crush on Santino? I wish it would work for me as well. I just don’t want to be in love with Danilo anymore.”

Anna tilted her head in consideration. “You got the disadvantage of having to marry him. That makes it kind of hard to forget about him.”

As if I didn’t know it.

“Are you even in love with Danilo, or are you in love with the image you had of him? Because I think he’s been an asshole, and that’s not someone you want to be in love with.”

I raised my eyebrows.

Anna laughed and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You should know better, though. You’re the reasonable type.”

“You’ve got almost everyone fooled into thinking you’re reasonable, too.”

She flashed me a grin. “I prefer to have people underestimate me.”

“They do.”

We smiled at each other. I sighed. “You always make me feel better.”

“You must enjoy today. Drink a few glasses of champagne, dance until your feet hurt. Don’t give a damn about Danilo, groom or not. If he can’t see how beautiful you are, it’s his loss. Don’t try to be someone else. You are awesome. He’ll realize it eventually, and if not, then find yourself a nice lover on the side.”

My eyes grew wide. “Danilo would rip him to shreds. He’s not a politician.”

Anna pursed her lips, a twinkle in her eyes. She always knew how to lighten the mood with her antics.

I cleared my throat. “Thank you for having my back. I don’t know what I would have done without you these last few months. You’re my best friend and I love you.”

Anna swallowed hard and looked up to the ceiling, blinking rapidly. “Don’t make me cry, Soph. I have a reputation to uphold. I’ve worked hard for the title of Ice Queen.”

I giggled. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone you’re sentimental.”

She took a deep breath then fixed me with a stern look. “Are you okay?”

I nodded. “I am now.”

“What about tonight? Are you worried because of last time?”

“I’m trying not to think about it.”

“Don’t let him treat you like he did then.”

“He won’t,” I said. “I told you he was careful and gentle the moment he realized who I was. It was as if he suddenly couldn’t bear touching me.” I tried my best, but I couldn’t keep the bitterness out of my voice.

“Trust me, he’ll want to touch you. Take control. Don’t just let it happen.”

“I won’t.”

Dad’s voice came from the other side of the door. “Two minutes.”

Anna looked me in the eye. “I should probably hurry to my family. Will you be okay?”

I took a deep breath, then plastered a firm smile on my face. “Go ahead. I’m fine.”

She pressed a quick kiss to my cheek then rushed out and closed the door behind her.

My fingers trembled as I smoothed down my wedding dress and lowered the veil over my face. This was my day and yet . . .

. . . it wasn’t my name they would whisper in the pews today.

Because I was the consolation prize.

The surrogate bride.

Worst of all, I was not my sister.

I peered at my reflection, my face hazy through the fine gossamer of the veil. Dressed like this, I almost looked like Serafina, minus the blonde hair. Still less. Always less. But maybe Danilo would see the similarities between my sister and me. Maybe, for a second, he would look at me with the same longing he used to direct at Serafina.

Before he realized I wasn’t her. Before that look of disappointment settled on his face again.

Less than he wanted.

Tearing the veil from my hair, I tossed it away. I was done trying to be someone else. Danilo would have to see me for who I was, and if that meant he’d never look at me twice, then so be it. I was enough.

I glanced at my cellphone. I’d turned it to silent, but Serafina’s number flashed on the screen. She’d tried to call me yesterday as well, but I’d ignored her attempts to contact me. Guilt flickered within me. I loved my sister, had never stopped loving her even if my family pretended they had. For a long time, the thought of Serafina’s absence at my wedding had made me terribly sad, until suddenly it hadn’t. Until the idea of having her there had made me anxious. If Serafina were here, everyone would only talk about her, even if it was behind my back, and not just that, Danilo would be faced with what he’d lost. I didn’t want his eyes on anyone else but me. There was nothing I could do about his thoughts, though.