“If you hadn’t?” he asked.
“Old news,” she said, lifting her hand and dismissing his question.
“Your personality seems very different from hers,” he said. “You look similar, though her hair was lighter, wasn’t it?”
“She was a blonde in her heart. She lit up a room when she walked into it,” Nicole said.
“And you?”
“After we grew up, I didn’t usually walk into the same rooms she did. I was studying for my master’s degree, working as a teaching assistant.”
“Did you ever envy her?”
“Sometimes,” she said, remembering the awesome experience of when Tabitha had given birth to Joel. Nicole had wished for the same, but she’d never let anyone get that close. “On the other hand, being the life of the party looks like a lot of work. Maybe it comes natural to some people. Like you?”
He lifted a dark brow. “I wasn’t the life of the party. I was more interested in surviving. People will do lots of things to survive.”
“Never thought of it that way,” she said, pushing her salad around her plate and remembering how Tabitha had worked her way around her father in a way Nicole had never managed.
“Your mother is in France, right?” Rafe asked.
“More from my dossier?”
He gave her an unapologetic smile.
“Yes, she lives in France with a younger man and alimony from my father.”
“Do you ever see her?”
“Not often. She’s busy living the life she missed when she was married to my father.”
“And your father?”
“We’re not close,” she said, averting her gaze. There was too much bad blackness in that relationship. “I see him about once every couple of months.”
“I would think he’d be interested in an heir for his business. A grandson would be a huge ego boost.”
“I suppose the idea of a grandson is a huge ego boost. He definitely missed having a son, but my father has his priorities. I have mine. He’s expanded his business more in the international market, so that keeps him out of town more.” When Tabitha had died, her father had argued vehemently with her that he should be Joel’s guardian instead of Nicole. Her second-best defense had been that he was out of town so frequently. Her number-one defense, however, had created an ugly tension between them.
“Who’s your backup for Joel?”
She didn’t like the turn of the conversation. “I have a cousin with a baby. We’re very close. She’s there for me when I need her, but I’ve been able to handle most of my parental responsibilities myself. I’ve chosen the best preschool and I’ve arranged my job so that I have flexibility if I need to take a day off.”
“Superhero,” he said.
“No,” she said. “Just the best substitute mom I can be.”
“He calls you Mom.”
Her heart contracted at the reminder. “I had a hard time with that in the beginning, but then I realized that Joel needed to feel like he had a mom. I was it.”
“What else do you want to know about me?” he asked.
She gave a short laugh and smiled. “Everything. Just everything. What’s your attitude toward corporal punishment?”
“The death penalty?” he asked, crinkling his eyes in his confusion.
“No. Spanking children.”
“Oh,” he said, realization crossing his face. “I was spanked as a child, but Lord, there’s got to be a better way. Time out, no cupcakes, no Wii. Something’s gotta work. What do you think?”
Surprised that he’d turned the question on her, she paused a half beat. “All of those,” she said. “I’ve been fortunate with Joel. He responds well to other methods. If there’s a problem area, I try to work up a reward system. We’ve used star stickers before,” she said, smiling.
“Star stickers,” he said. “I got them when I read a book, cleaned the commode, mopped the floor or made the honor roll.”
“How often did you make the honor roll?” she asked, curious.
“Not as often as you did, I bet,” he said. “I played football.”
“Ah, a jock,” she said, the words coming out before she could edit them.
“And you were a nerd,” he said. “A hot nerd.”
“Just a nerd,” she said.
“You wouldn’t have looked twice at a football-playing, low-class guy like me,” he teased.
She suspected she would have secretly lusted after him. “Oh, I don’t know. I always envied others with athletic skills.”
He gave a rough laugh that skittered down her nerve endings. “What kind of boys did you torment during high school?”
“None,” she said, then remembered the geeky guy from a neighboring boys’ school that had seemed to have a crush on her. “Okay, maybe one or two. I left most of that for Tabitha. She came out of the womb ready to seduce the world.”
“What about you?”
“I came out shy and tentative, a little awkward. I needed to think things over.”
“And now? Where is the man in your life?” he probed.
“The man in my life is Joel,” she said in a deliberately cool voice. “For the sake of my son, my love life and my party life can wait. Can yours?”
He met her gaze. “Is that what you’re afraid of? My wild lifestyle?”
She shrugged. “I have to think about what’s best for Joel.”
“I’d be lying if I told you I was a monk or a saint, but I didn’t become successful by partying every night. Contrary to your dubious opinion of me, I’ve worked damn hard.”
Nicole inwardly winced. She’d gone too far. “I didn’t mean to suggest that you-”
“And if you’re worried about women-”
“I-”
“My tastes have changed in the last five years. I know better than to let a spoiled little heiress wrap me around her finger and squeeze my guts out.”
Nicole felt the punch of his confession in her stomach. So he had genuinely cared for Tabitha. Confusion raced through her. Tabitha had conveyed that Rafe had merely viewed her as a plaything-his plaything to control. She struggled with his description of her sister.
“I think it would be a good idea for you to hire that P.I. Hell, I’ll pay for it. You can hire a different one if you’re afraid he’ll be biased.”
She wondered if he was daring her. What he didn’t understand was that she would do anything to protect Joel. “I suspect that you would only hire the best, so I’ll take your recommendation. But I’ll pay for it.” She glanced at her watch. “I should go. Thank you for your time and lunch,” she said, looking at the plate of food she’d barely touched. Nerves had chased away her appetite.
“I’ll walk you out,” he said, rising as she did.
“It’s not necessary,” she said. “I’m parked just across the street.”
She began to pull on her jacket and he reached over to assist her. The considerate gesture bothered her. One more little bit of evidence that perhaps he wasn’t a monster after all. Was it possible that Tabitha would have lied to her?
Rafe escorted her through the crowded restaurant. He was the kind of man to draw glances. His confidence and charm were magnetic. He opened the door and chuckled under his breath.
She shot him a questioning look.
“I’m not used to winter. I left my jacket in my brother’s office. We’ll probably trade some trash talk over the weather.”
“Like what?” she asked, curious.
“He’ll call me a lightweight. I’ll tell him he’s just jealous because he doesn’t live in the tropics in winter.”
She couldn’t resist a smile. “Please tell him he’s done a great job with this restaurant.”
“Despite the fact that you hardly ate any of your meal,” he said.
“It would have been nice if you hadn’t commented on that,” she said, feeling self-conscious because she wanted to project complete confidence.
“There’s nice and there’s stupid. Sometimes you have to choose one or the other. But I’ll let you tell my brother what you think of his place. You’ll meet him. You and I are just getting started,” he said.
The expression in his dark eyes bordered on sensual, but that couldn’t be possible, Nicole thought. Not in their situation. He was just a humongous flirt. He probably flirted with ninety-year-old women. Perhaps that was part of his appeal.
“Good-bye for now, then,” she said and stepped into her car, wishing he didn’t affect her the way he did. He pushed the door closed and stepped backward with a wave. Nicole shored up her defenses as she pulled away. She wouldn’t be deceived by his charm. As soon as she got home, she would call that investigator and ask for a full report on Rafe Medici.
She didn’t trust him. If he couldn’t be a good father to Joel, she might have to do the unthinkable. She might have to take Joel and flee from the country. Leaving the States would give her at least a shot at keeping Joel safe if Rafe turned out to be abusive. It would be far easier for her and Joel to disappear in a foreign country. The prospect terrified her. Nicole had always been a rule follower, but there was too much at stake now. After she put Joel to bed tonight, she would put together a contingency plan for how to get away from Rafe Medici.
Even though it was too damn cold, Rafe watched Nicole as she drove away. She was a peculiar mix, way too strait laced for his taste. But when she smiled, it was genuine, and warmth radiated from her. When she gave in to that husky little laugh, the sound grabbed at his gut. She was the kind of woman a man had to earn. Not so much because she counted on her beauty and wiles. She could have if she wanted to. She was certainly beautiful. No, the reason a guy would have to earn her attention was because she didn’t give it away easily.
Rafe worked from Michael’s house the rest of the day. He should have been tired, but it took him a long time to fall asleep. He finally drifted off to a restless sleep.