Putting the cap on the pills, Lucas put the brown bottle and the second bottle of water on the table before gently taking the water bottle from Andrei’s fingers. He opened it and then handed it back. Andrei accepted it with an embarrassed grunt and downed half the bottle before putting it on the table behind him. There was the strangest sense of déjà vu about the whole thing that kept Andrei wanting to smile.
“How are you?” Lucas inquired.
Andrei shrugged. “Not bad. I’m usually better about handling things,” he said, waving toward the water. “I just waited too long to take that pill. Too achy. But I’m bouncing back.”
“Good.”
And the conversation died again. Andrei was itching to ask why he’d stopped coming to the hospital and why he’d waited so long to come to his apartment. He wanted to know why Lucas looked so bad and uncomfortable. Even that first day together, when Lucas had stepped clear of the painkiller haze, they hadn’t felt this awkward and uncomfortable. This was painful, cutting deep and rattling Andrei in a way he struggled to define.
Was this how things ended? When one person wanted out, but was too guilt-ridden to finally say the words that were building uncomfortably between them…left with long, painful silences until someone finally cracked.
“So is this where you tell me that it was all fun but you know, it was just supposed to be a one-night thing and you wish me well and all that jazz? No hard feelings, of course.” Andrei wished he’d kept the water bottle so he had something to do with his hands.
Lucas visibly flinched at Andrei’s words and took a half-step back. “No. I…no.”
Andrei stared at him, willing him to explain but Lucas just looked away from him, falling strangely silent. “Then what? You’re here out of guilt?”
“No,” he said louder this time, but stopped, his frown deepening before he corrected himself. “I do feel guilty but that’s not why I’m here.”
Andrei stepped closer and was relieved when Lucas didn’t move. He wasn’t steady enough to chase the man around the apartment even if it wasn’t that big. “You’ve got to let that go. This shit wasn’t your fault. I knew what I was risking.”
Andrei reached up and ran his fingers lightly along Lucas’s jaw. A soft moan slipped from Lucas as his eyes drifted shut. Applying more pressure, Andrei cupped his cheek and Lucas leaned his head into his palm as if he craved Andrei’s touch. Andrei’s heart jerked while something squeezed his chest. It was suddenly hard to draw a breath. When Lucas opened his eyes, Andrei was drowning. In those stark depths, he saw pain, confusion, and something that simply stole his breath away.
“I don’t know what to do.” Lucas’s voice quavered when he spoke. “This…I don’t know what to do about this. I—”
Andrei slid his hand around to lightly rub the pad of his thumb along Lucas’s lower lip, stopping his words. “This? There is no this,” he said with a grin, echoing the same words Lucas had spoken to him in the run-down warehouse in Price Hill…a little more than a month ago. Hell, it almost seemed like a lifetime had passed since that night.
With extreme care, Lucas reached up and pulled Andrei’s hand away. “I’m a liar and a coward,” Lucas whispered. He closed the short distance between them, his breath dancing along Andrei’s lips for a second before he brushed their lips together. So gentle. An aching caress that broke a moan from Andrei. Lucas slowly built the kiss, adding pressure by small degrees. Nipping at Andrei’s lips, he followed with a touch of his tongue as if to soothe the momentary pain. The hunger intensified and Lucas dipped his tongue inside Andrei’s mouth, exploring every inch, memorizing his feel and taste.
Until that moment, Andrei hadn’t realized that every touch, every kiss prior had been aimed to seduce, to tear down his walls and make him pliable. Or aimed to stake a claim, mark Andrei as Lucas’s alone.
But this kiss. This was tenderness that neither one of them had dared before. It struck Andrei’s heart and left an ache behind that he wasn’t sure would ever go away. This wasn’t about possession, but about Lucas being possessed. It was about surrender and absolute trust.
Lucas broke off the kiss and turned his head, rubbing his cheek along Andrei’s. Both of them were breathing heavy.
“If you say the word, I’ll leave,” Lucas said, his breath brushing along the shell of Andrei’s ear. “You won’t hear from me again. We go back to our lives and spend the rest of them trying to forget about…this.”
“And if I don’t?” The question came out rough as if it had nearly been caught in the back of Andrei’s throat.
Lucas straightened so he could look Andrei in the eyes. “I…I don’t know. You’re still figuring things out… and I…”