“You should ignore those two,” Sunny motions to Lily and Randy. “It’s like mating season.”

“Really? You’re going to talk to me about mating?” Lily shoots back.

Sunny’s eyes flash, and Lily makes a face like she crapped her pants.

“Where’s Alex?” Buck asks.

“They’re all in the living room. They left when our moms started with the flavored-jizz talk.”

Sunny either pretends I didn’t say that or misses it completely. “Alex has been okay, though? He can be difficult when he’s not feeling well.”

“Oh, God! Remember when Alex got the flu, and he hurled in the middle of the hallway after eating a Big Mac combo? That was the worst idea ever.” Lily makes a gagging sound.

Sunny puts her hand to her mouth. I think she might legitimately be gagging. “I need the bathroom.” She hurries down the hall and slams the door.

“Guess we won’t be using that bathroom later,” Randy says to Lily.

“Is she okay?” I ask.

“Just feeling under the weather, that’s all. She’ll be fine,” Lily reassures me.

Buck rubs the back of his neck. “You guys go ahead. I’ll make sure Sunny’s okay.”

“I can stay with her if you want,” Lily offers.

“It’s cool. I got this.”

Lily pats him on the shoulder, and we leave Buck in the hallway, tapping on the bathroom door.

“Must’ve been one hell of a night.” I’m not sure if I’m disappointed I’ve been missing out on the fun, or worried about Sunny getting so drunk she’s sick the next day.

When we get to the kitchen, my mom and Daisy are holding bananas and close-talking. I don’t even want to know what’s going on there.

My mom drops the banana on the counter and wipes her hands on her ass. “Randall! It’s so good to see you! I can’t remember the last time I chatted with you. How’ve you been? How’s your family?”

My mom’s excitement over Randy’s arrival is unexpected. Her voice takes on that high-pitched, girly tone that makes everyone around her cringe, except Daisy.

“I remember when you and Buck used to have pimples, and you smelled more like goats than boys. You’ve really grown up, haven’t you? Hasn’t he?” She turns to me like she’s looking for some kind of confirmation.

“How would I know? I only met Balls this year, when he and Miller were getting in trouble for all the stupid bunny business.”

My mom ignores the bunny comment. “Oh, of course. You were too busy tutoring and being part of the Mathgeeks to be bothered with coming to games when Randall and Buck played rep.”

“Mathletes, Mom, not Mathgeeks.” It’s already obvious I’m a math nerd. I don’t need my mom outing my geek status from high school.

“You were a Mathlete?” Lance asks.

“I needed an extracurricular for college applications, and sports were out,” I mumble.

Lance looks me over, but not in a typical pervy Lance way—more like he’s assessing my level of physical fitness. “You look athletic to me.”

“Dude.” Randy punches him in the shoulder.

“What? It’s an observation.” Lance rolls his eyes. “Anyway, I was a Mathlete in high school, too.”

“Really?” I don’t know why I’m surprised. At this point I’m well aware that a lot of these guys are not just incredibly physically competent, but have brains to match.

“We won the all-state championship my senior year. I still have the trophy.”

“I still have mine, too! I think it’s packed away in a box in my office somewhere.”

While Lance and I revel in our nerdiness, my mom rounds the island and approaches Randy. He and Buck have been friends for a long time, and obviously while I was out being a supernerd in high school, my mom was busy being a good stepmom to Buck.

She hugs Randy, which is a normal thing to do, but I should know better than to expect her to be appropriate, particularly since she and Daisy have already plowed through a bottle of champagne. My mom puts her hands on either side of Randy’s face and pats his beard. Then she runs her fingers through it. “This is really impressive.”

“Mom, what’re you doing?” I’ll be honest, I’ve actually considered doing that on more than one occasion. It really is an amazing beard.

Lily snickers. “It’s soft, isn’t it?”

“So soft!” My mom nods in agreement. “Daisy, you need to feel this. I never realized a beard could be so soft.”

“He conditions it a lot.” Lily’s smirky face probably has a lot to do with the number of times those two have ended up in a bathroom with Randy on his knees.

“Really?” Daisy asks.

“Not as often as you probably condition your hair to keep it this soft,” Randy fingers the end of Daisy’s no-longer-solid hair, and she looks like she might combust. Balls has that effect on women.

Randy shoves his hands in his pockets while the moms stroke all over his beard. His smirk matches Lily’s. “But I shampoo it like I do my hair.”

Tags: Helena Hunting Pucked Erotic
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